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Decision Time

Posted on: 2012/02/16, 09:52 AM
 
I weight over 350lbs.
I have always been considered overweight although I maynot have been until I was about 17 years old.
All throughout elementary and high school I was an athlete. 

I played basketball on the school teams, ran track, competed in javelin, discus and shotput competitions and was considered an MVP every year of my high school career. 

I didn't have the typical high school experiences of being ostracized because of my height or weight.  I was pretty popular.

I dislocated my shoulder when I was 17.
Then I dislocated my knee - I never really recovered my oomph after that.

I had a child when I was 24 - never lost that weight

I am not a big eater, tending to not eat breakfast until around 10am, otherwise I don't feel well.  Sometimes I eat lunch and sometimes I dont'.  I tend to eat dinner aroudn 7 or 8pm after I've de-stressed after a long day at work (10hrs/day).

Last year, I decided to change my eating habits and for 8 months I ate apples, almonds, vegetables chicken breasts and soup.
I didn't allow myself the stuff I truly enjoy to eat like chocolate and cookies.  I started walking everywhere I could.  Stopped taking the 3rd bus on my way to worka nd walked the half mile every morning to the office when the weataher allowed.  Walked the dog every night for 1 hour.  Spent the weekends walking around the city.

I went to see my GP at the end of August and was told that I had gained approximately 15lbs for all my trouble. 

I WAS DEVASTATED!!!

After all my deprivation,not only had I not lost a pound but I fucking gained 15 pounds?!?
Ever since then, I think I've been subconsciously sabotaging myself because I feel like I just keep getting bigger.  My family and friends disagree but I feel like my body just doesn't want to cooperate with me.

I'm on a waiting list for the lap band surgery and I have decided that I'm going to fight against this bull shit.  I was athlete before and I have the drive to be one again.  The will power is not necessarily on par with the drive but I think I can conquer this.

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