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The dreaded question . . . how many

nikki_m_austin Posts: 35 Joined: 2002/08/24	2003/05/02, 03:58 PM Okay, my boyfriend knows how many people I've slept with, but he will never tell me. He tells me it makes him feel insecure, and that he will tell me on his own time. I've respected that (on & off) for the last 4 years now, and we got engaged last August and are planning our wedding for June of 04 in Sweden. I'm from the US, he's from Sweden. For some reason, it's eating me up and I can't just drop it. I don't really want an analysis of our relationship (cause I want to keep this quick) but can anyone share with me their experiences with this? - Nik
Kalanchoe Posts: 400 Joined: 2003/02/18	2003/05/03, 01:10 PM If you love him enough to marry him, then why do you need to know? what exactly will you use that info for? You weren't together when he was with other people, so realy, its none of your business. You'll just have to accept his decision on telling you in his own time. What possible diiference to your relationship with him can it make now, other than get on his nerves with you askin him? Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, it isn't meant to offend. xx -------------- *My body only feels good when it burns! *Little voice telling you to quit? Put your fingers in your ears! *"Life shrinks or grows in proportion to one's courage"
I_Am-aZon Posts: 893 Joined: 2003/02/18	2003/05/03, 04:25 PM I agree with Kal. Whats in the past should stay in the past. He loves You. He's marrying you - the other girls didn't pass the grade - you did - be happy!
	2003/05/04, 12:09 AM Any experience I've had with this question is usually pretty counterproductive to the relationship. Everyone is curious about it, but in the end its really insignificant. Besides, if its something a guy really really doesn't want you to know, I'm sure he knows that you'll never be able to check up on the number he gives you (haha....sorry). -------------- OSU Law Rugby....specializing in personal injury and pain & suffering.
sandysford Posts: 1,139 Joined: 2002/11/18	2003/05/04, 03:28 PM You might want to ask yourself, "What do I have to gain if he tells me" -------------- I will lift my own weight someday!!!!!
rsquade Posts: 152 Joined: 2003/01/06	2003/05/05, 09:40 AM Can any of those past relationships take away what you share with your fiance? Your relationship is unique. You each bring a life's experience to it and will continue to have experiences in life which you must decide how to share. But your relationship is between you two as individuals choosing to be together each moment - its not about possessing the other.
skinnyrobin Posts: 224 Joined: 2002/05/10	2003/05/05, 10:34 AM btw-if he says a number, divide it by three and its the real number lol only joking i agree with what everyone else said here already-does it really matter if you know?
hadams76 Posts: 6 Joined: 2003/05/02	2003/05/05, 12:33 PM I also agree with everyone else here, I had a similar situation with an ex though he was the one who wanted to know. Once I told him he never let it go, and I wish I had never told him. Its in the past and cant be changed, try to focus on the present and future, Good luck!
kirby00 Posts: 238 Joined: 2002/11/05	2003/05/05, 04:35 PM I think I'd feel like you do, Nikki. I mean, you told him...seems like he should share with you too. But now that it's been this long, what would happen if you found out? Say you were his first...or his 10th - would knowing that change how you feel about him? You might want to think about that a little more before pressing him for the info... Good luck and have fun wedding planning :)
azredhead57 Posts: 1,651 Joined: 2003/04/11	2003/05/08, 02:44 PM Maybe he doesn't want to tell you because it's not many. Men have this image ya know that they are supposed to sleep with anything that crosses their path. I don't think as many of them actually do. As long as you are the last person he sleeps with, be happy.
kirby00 Posts: 238 Joined: 2002/11/05	2003/05/08, 05:08 PM ============ Quoting from azredhead57: As long as you are the last person he sleeps with, be happy. ============= Wow. This is such a good point I had to quote it and comment. Gonna have to start calling you Dear Abby :)
wamo25 Posts: 25 Joined: 2002/10/01	2003/05/09, 01:29 AM Take a second and listen. I finally broke down and decided to tell my fiance (wife now). I figured I wanted her to know everything about me. She took it pretty hard. The next night she went out for a drink with her friends at the local bar. Ended up making a big joke out of it with her friends and the whole bar. When I walked into the bar, buddies I knew and went to school with were high fiving me and congratulating me for having certain people. You have to understand, if he tells you. You must keep it to yourself, that is the price for knowing. It's hard for a man to do this, and some like myself don't want the whole world to know. Not all men brag about this stuff. My advice who cares past is past.