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2003/10/03, 12:15 AM
It's been some time, my friends. Thought I'd open here with one of my few talents of writing from the heart.
Some of you know my physical story...some don't. Here's the cliff notes:
In May of 2002, I was a 6'5, 252 lb. creation of Ben and Jerry's. I had a back surgery in 2001 and just got apathetic in the aftermath.
In June, 2002, I found out my wife had been cheating on me. I filed for divorce, custody of my three-year-old daughter, and joined a gym. In May, 2003, I moved from Vermont back to my larger family in Virginia.
By the hearing for final divorce, held on July 25th of this year, I was down to a toned and fit 193 lbs. I was happy, still having custody of my daughter and having solid confidence that I would retain custody, as my move brought the custody issue up for debate.
On August 2nd, I learned that I lost custody.
If I could have traded the pain of having both of my hands cut off and being run over by a car for the pain that court's decision brought to me, it would have been a deal.
Time slowed. Depression set in. Everyone and everything looked foreign.
I continued my workouts. The four televisions in my gym showed happy people doing news and talk shows. They all seemed ignorant to reality, my reality, which was pure pain. How could they even smile? How would I ever smile genuinely again?
I was not consumed with anger. I was defeated. The feeling was one of total sadness, disbelief, and a foggy surreality. Anger has motivated me before. How I worked out with this is a mystery...still...as it compares more to working out with broken legs.
One's education can change at various speeds. I learned after only a few days of clouded flows of conscious that I was capable of breaking the highest laws. Murder, kidnapping, and sabotage were suddenly within my scope of abilities.
My mind kept asking the same question to itself, over and over, searching for an acceptable answer. How, if she cheated numerous times, and she was gone for much of my daughter's first three years of life while I raised her, and she lied in court, repeatedly and obviously, HOW could I lose?
No matter. But it does matter, because I can't stop thinking about it. And guess what? After the court gave her sole custody, she up and took off again, leaving my daughter with her boyfriend or whoever...she'd rather leave her with no parent than to offer me that time as visitation...still, even as I write, my daughter sits up there in Vermont with no parent...and no contact with me...
The gym became colder. I got sick..got bronchitis. I kept going. I am so depressed that I cry sometimes in the mornings, especially, and yet sick, shattered, and not certain that life is entirely necessary anymore, I drag myself sloth-like into that gym, moving more slowly, not smiling, and I lift and train and lift and train. Then I lift and train some more. And I wonder for what, but instead of trying to figure out the answer, I just do another set.
I'm trying to lift my heart out of hell. I'm trying to lift my daughter home. And I'm trying to lift the world off of my shoulders, and it's breaking my spine, and I'll never stop.
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--There are no versions of the truth.--
Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park II
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2003/10/03, 04:23 PM
My Ghod Ogun - that is such a terribly sad story. I wish I could help you in some way :(
It makes me very angry - I don't understand how the courts and especially your ex could ever be so cruel... I may be heading for a similar situ with my husband and if I ever do break with him, I could never take away the right for my 2 yr old daughter to see her father - what kind of parent would I be to deny her the right to be loved by a parent? How freakin selfish and cruel. Poor you to have to suffer this and your poor lil daughter too :(
I truly hope and pray things will turn around for you soon ogun. My best wishes to you
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2003/10/03, 05:09 PM
ogun,
First of all you have my sympathy, I am also going thru a very difficult time and know exactly how you feel, how can the world keep spinnin as if there's nothing wrong? But thats just it dude, it does, as harsh as it may sound you have to maintain a positive attitude no matter what, YOU DONT HAVE A CHOICE, just do it. If you let yourself go your in for a world of hurt that goes way beyond even what your feeling now. You have to step up to the plate now more than ever and knock it out of the park, you need to worry about yourself so you can be there for your daughter when the time comes, you have to be strong. Rise above and conquer, make every setback you encounter make you stronger, not weaker, and remember ogun, this isn't coming from some rich punk who has everything and never has anything go terribly wrong for him, we share a lot in common and let me tell you something brother, I am not about to let my problems control my destiny and I don't believe you should either.
You have my support, I know you can do it, I hope I've helped you and not had a negative effect, I believe a good slap from a gentle hand can do more for a person's esteem and help them put things in perspective, I hope that's what you get from it. And remember, you will always be her daddy, that will never change. Good luck ogun and keep us posted.
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I have seen the enemy.....and it is me.
Mojo_67
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2003/10/03, 05:11 PM
Message deleted by moderator due to unsuitable content for this board.
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2003/10/06, 12:51 PM
My heart goes out to all who have:
1) Gone through a divorce (I personally have)
2) Gotten their hearts broken (seems like all over again)
3) Had very bad relationships and no matter what you do, it gets worse
Ogun, feel free to send me a message here at FT and we can share our experiences. I was fortunate enough in that I have shared custody...but that doesn't take away the pain you feel knowing your time with your kids is no longer what it used to be.
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**_Robert_**
Pain is temporary; glory is forever!
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2003/10/03, 05:18 PM
Hey Ogun, I've missed seeing you here, but I can see why you haven't been. I hope you know we are all here for you. As you can see from a lot of the posts, a lot of us are battling depression and a multitude of life's problems. It seems like it has been a summer full of 'not so good' events for a lot of people. It is good that you have kept up your fitness. That would just be another thing that would eventually bring you down if you let all of your hard work slip away. Like azon, this makes me really angry. Can't you try again to get custody or joint custody. It sounds like she will eventually get tired of having your daughter and give her up anyway, but in the meantime can your lawyer keep trying? I am so sorry that this is happening to you, or anyone for that matter. Hang in there big guy.
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~Victoria~
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
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2003/10/04, 12:05 AM
There must be a God with people like you out there. I've never seen such sympathy and compassion. Now I feel selfish for telling my story, yet hopeful by your own kind words that people are inherently good. Thank you.
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--There are no versions of the truth.--
Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park II
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2003/10/06, 02:33 PM
Just for the record I posted nothing unsuitable, it was just a double of my original post...stupid webtv.
You know my heart goes out to you ogun.
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I have seen the enemy.....and it is me.
Mojo_67
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2003/10/07, 02:45 AM
Ogun,
I feel your pain being without your daughter. There are no words to describe that terrorizing pain in the heart! I will pray for you and your daughter. Maybe a little suggestion, start writing your daughter letters, date them, envelope them, just don't send them. Keep them in a shoe box, tell her how you feel, how much you love her, etc. keep them until it is the right time to give them to her. It might help you through this and also, be a wonderful suprise for her when she receives them.
good luck and as I said, you are in my thoughts and prayers!
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
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