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2003/11/22, 01:19 PM
Okay, first off...I really need to drop about 60lbs. I can't stand what I see in the mirror. This just goes along with the rest of my life. I truly, deeply, madly hate myself. I can't seem to stop it. Walking around everyday you wouldn't notice. But I have a self-loathing thing that is waaaaayyyy off the scale. I can't stand to go to the gym because everyone looks better than me and they all look down on me, too. I get that, "Look...a fat guy trying to work out." sneer from them. I just can't stand it. What am I supposed to do to handle this?
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2003/11/22, 05:48 PM
my weight has had some ups and downs, When I am at a weight higher than I want. First, I concentrate on the great qualities of my physical being. If possible, train your eyes to look their first, its abit comforting. I am pretty concious of the appearance of my bum. So, I look at the good features of it first, than when I look at the other part of it, it doesn't look so horrific. The second thing I do is be playful. I don't know how to say this right but I try to find ways to humour myself about my weight. I think, hey at least my booty is in style right now, Hello J-lo...which, in my opinion has a very lovely physique. I guess what what I am getting at, is that you have to be positive about yourself coming from the inside out. No one has the right to make you feel faultered. They are sneers of vain, shallow ppl who you should not have any consideration of opinion. I hope that helps at all. I know it can be a painful subject. Remember your amazing points, personality but physical, as well. We are all human and therefore have some great features!!!!!
take care,
Theresheis
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2003/11/22, 05:58 PM
^5 to you theresheis..... I agree with you! My weight has been a thorn in my side all my life and I have been put down by family and people whom have called themselves friends. Well I have a couple of really good friends and that is it. I too feel funny in some areas of the gym but I take a deep breath and just DO IT! Cause I am special in my way just like you are and everyone is. Don't let them get you down. Keep your head up! Good luck and let us know how your doing.
ATrueladi
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2003/11/22, 06:31 PM
Very well said ladies.
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Living well is the best revenge.
Charlie
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2003/11/22, 08:44 PM
Hmmm, frankly I am a bit surprised to hear that a guy gets sneers at the gym. Most of the time it's us heavy women that feel uncomfortable going in. I used to think everyone was looking at me too but when I really started looking around I noticed that MOST of the people were more consumed with themselves and could care less about me. I have to agree with ATrueladi. I prepare myself mentally first by reminding myself that NONE of them looked like that when they started and I have to start somewhere, the point is you (we) are trying, so there!! Hang in there WAnglais1 and try to remember this is for you and your self-esteem.
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Pauline
Serenity is not freedom from the storm
but peace amidst the storm.
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2003/11/22, 11:47 PM
I've been there too dude. There will always be loudmouth jerks at the gym. Don't let them and their stupid comments get to you! Go into the gym, do what you need to do, and stay focused on your goals. Instead of self-loathing, channel that into motivation to achieve your goals. Like theresheis said, focus on the good you are doing for yourself.
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2003/11/23, 07:25 PM
Uh oh ... here I GO! hahah sorry I have to.
That's rediculous! Any gym that has idiots hateful enough to make fun of people at them is a sorry gym. And the people are apparently worthless in that gym. I haven't ever understood these people that think they're so much better than everyone else. Or these beautiful girls that are always sitting in bars with their "girlfriends" or guys out at bars with their "guy friends". They're all single for a reason ... because their personalities are that of a rock. LOL ... Now I'm not saying all beautiful women or sexy men ... I don't mean that at all and that's by far not true! I just mean that usually the people that make fun of everyone else, they're only doing it to make up for something they have in their life that makes them feel horrible. Making fun of other people makes them feel better. And if you don't think that's true ... trust me, yes it is.
I personally absolutely love it when I'm at the gym or any place where someone's making fun of someone else for any reason. I walk right up to them very very dramatically and start saying the same thing... Oh yeah that guy is so freakin huge look at that huge rear end ... at least his is on his butt where it belongs and not coming out of his mouth ... then I turn around to them and say MAN I FEEL BETTER about myself now do you guys feel better? Then I usually call them a bunch of bleep-ity-bleeps and tell them I'd rather be fat than a sorry low life picking on people 'cause I have nothing better do to. They ALWAYS shut up and stop being hateful to that person. Then I go straight over to the other person that was being made fun of and introduce myself and say would you like to go do this or whatever. I looooooooove turning their hatefulness around on them. hehehe It usually embarasses the heck out of them because they're being put down just like they were doing to the other person.
As for you WAnglais1. Confidence is the complete answer for you. When I was in high school I was always a size 12 or 14 and I thought I was horribly fat and ugly. Every time a guy would try to say hi to me I thought he was being hateful and making fun of me. I later realized that I was SO wrong. There will come a day when you'll realize that there's not a single person in this world that's any better than you are. God created all of us and each and every single person is equally special and beautiful to him. theresheis is very correct. There are so many beautiful things about every single person that it amazes me. Next time you walk by someone that you see and instantly think they're ugly, stupid, fat, too skinny, any of those things... Take a real good look at them. Look at their eyes, hands, hair, smile, cheek bones, everything. There's beauty in everyone no matter how ugly someone may think they are. And as far as I'm concerned the fat thing ... That's all just television. And it's getting worse and worse through the years because models are getting skinnier and skinnier. Media is on television constantly blasting commercials telling us we're all too fat and fat isn't good, etc. etc. etc. So my suggestions to you are:
1. Stop watching commercials telling you you're fat because that's literally just some idiot trying to sell some stupid pill that will give everyone cancer in a few years and they'll have a thousand law suits.
2. Take a piece of paper and write down something silly like "Laney is my friend and she cares about me" and any time someone's being mean to you or you're feeling horrible about your weight or anything else you read that piece of paper and laugh and it'll make you feel better. I've had a lot of friends do this and it works.
3. As far as the self loathing thing ... that's you doing that, not anyone else. You're letting all of these things get to you and starting to pick on yourself too. So, next time you feel like you're loathing yourself or criticizing how you look ... consider yourself no better than the idiots at the gym and STOP DOING IT! Else I'll get mad. ;)
4. Smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2003/11/23, 07:42 PM
If you were in my city I would personally drag you into the gym and let you release your stregnth. Stop wondering what others are thinking/saying and hit the gym. We are all different shapes and sizes and trying to acheive the same goal of feeling and looking better.
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"A will finds a way"
Ivan Montreal Canada
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2003/11/23, 09:23 PM
What a great group of people.
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Living well is the best revenge.
Charlie
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2003/11/23, 10:46 PM
This gym is your gym,
This gym is my gym,
And if your fat now,
You still will get slim.
Go do some curls now,
And do some cardio,
And ignore the meatheads,
Because they're retardio.
When you get slimmer,
And you get buffer,
You'll eat retardios,
For lunch and supper. :D
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--There are no versions of the truth.--
Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park II
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2003/11/23, 10:58 PM
I think the best thing to do is ignore them, Picture their faces in you head as youy lift and use that anger to fuel you body to greater gains!
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LIFT HEAVY! BECOME STRONG, LIKE BULL!
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2003/11/24, 11:43 AM
There are all kinds of people in the gym. The loudmouths and the guys/girls with attitude seem to take up the most space, but I think if you look around there are just alot of us working out, not talking much, enjoying the experience of working out, not of showing off.
I have real admiration for people who face obstacles to working out. I was 30 lbs over when I started and know how hard that was to get under control. Better in the gym than in the diner, is my view. There are folks with bigger hurdles - one guy in my gym is recovering from a stroke, another is paralyzed below the waist - and their in the gym.
I often want to share the progress I see in others, but I don't often speak in the gym. Feel good about your progress. Just showing up is an effort. Everything beyond that is a step toward your goals.
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2003/11/24, 12:12 PM
DAMN!! What an AWESOME group of cheerleaders we have here! O.K. so maybe WAnglais1 doesn't feel any better but I sure do!! Dragging my fat ass to the gym (a 30 minute trip one way) because you guys motivated me today.
Thank you!! WAnglais1 ... go to the gym.
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2003/11/24, 12:31 PM
Ok- I was going to take this week off because of the work schedule, but now I am motivated to at least do a few sets for each body part...I may not be able to do a full blown workout regimen this week, but now I have to do something...
Yippee....now where the hell is my coffee?!
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2003/11/24, 02:53 PM
WOOHOO!!!! Alrighty then darnit! I'm going to the gym too! I've been lazy this week because of moving...but moving is quite a work out in itself. :)
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2003/11/24, 03:31 PM
WAnglais1: How sad! Don't you know that the fact you are at the gym deserves respect in itself? We all had to start somewhere and frankly, I would never look down on someone who is trying to change their life direction - I would respect and support that fully! Anyone who makes you feel bad has probably their own insecurity issues to deal with and if they look down on you, they are definitly not worth knowing. You go right in there and show em all WAnglais1!!!
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2003/11/24, 04:13 PM
WOOOHOOOOO everyone : ) <GREAT BIG SMILES AND ^5's > Well what do you think WAnglais1? Most of us if not all of us have been in your shoes or are still. So whacha think? : ) I have been reading this post since you first posted it and I feel great reading it. I really am greatful I found this site and all of you great people. I also want to wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving and just remember all the little things we have to be thankful for.
ATrueladi
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2003/11/24, 04:14 PM
Thanks, everyone. I do appreciate the replies. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed and feel like a real life Bobby Hill. While explaining my frustrations to some co-workers, I discovered one of them goes to the same gym, and the other is a former personal trainer who worked there. I am going to try and work out my schedule to go with one or both of them. The former trainer is really buff and in great shape, and the other is a really attractive young woman in good shape, too. If nothing else, maybe they'll wonder how I managed that!
It seems as pressure is on us guys these days to look our best always. I feel for all the women who have put up with it for years. Thanks for all the well-thought out replies, the songs to sing in my head and the encouragement. It does mean a lot.
WAnglais1
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2003/11/24, 07:28 PM
Just goes to prove we got a great group of people here!
Keep going!
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"A will finds a way"
Ivan Montreal Canada
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2003/11/24, 08:17 PM
:) Good for you WAnglais1. They'll sure be jealous that you got the hot sexy mama from work to go with ya. ;) hehehe
Man would I love to go to your gym! hehe
Where do you live?
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2003/11/24, 08:25 PM
WAnglais1 - I've always been too skinny. I mean thinner than 3/2 beer. I was a smoker too. Then I decided to quit smoking and I had to eat like crazy to get over the addiction. Needless to say I put on a lot of weight. All of it was around my waist and I have to tell you that nothing on this earth looks sillier than a skinny guy with a big ol' fat stomach. And my cholesterol went through the roof too. I looked so bad and was so ashamed of myself, but I took a chance and started working out. I've been at it for about three years now. I've lost most of the weight, but I'm still fighting that gut I decided to grow. Still, I've come so far. That's what keeps me motivated. No matter what anybody else might think or say, I still get to call the shots. You do too! Get out there and tune those idiots out. You can get there. It doesn't happen over night, but once you start to see things change you get even more motivated. You'll be great!
Hang in there and keep posting. We all want the hear progress reports.
Your friend,
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Happy trails,
Mike Young - Still on the pain train
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2003/11/26, 11:11 AM
WAnglais1.
I have felt your pain and can sympathise. The FT bunch have given you some solid advice, what a crew!
I entered the gym fifty plus pounds ago, I battled to walk my one mile on the tread mill. Humiliating as the fit guys and girls were galloping at a pace that I could only marvel at. I wanted to escape the gym, come in when there were only my types in there. I was of the opinion that everyone had an opinion on me and my shape size etc.
Once I dispelled the notion that everyone had an opinion I suddenly started seeing everyone in a different light, I actually started talking to some of the fit, fast crowd. WOW what a revelation, I got to learn about some of the crew in the gym.
There was "Annie" who had worked out for ten months, she was a speed freak running at huge pace for a long time, she'd dropped 120 pounds!
There was "Spencer", firm, buff, bloody good looking and pushed iron around the gym like a front end loader, he'd receovered from a medical disorder to not only regain his motor skills, but also completely reshape his body. two examples, but there are more.
So the wow for me was that all these folk who intimidated me because of my own insecurities became my inspiration and now I am one of them and look at the fat guys coming in and I think....."You go guys, keep at it up because you are going to be so damned proud of yourselves once you achieve your goals". I wish I had the courage to go up to them and actually say it, but fear that I might tread on a toe or cause someone some discomfort.
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2003/11/26, 02:11 PM
Thanks again, everyone. I just don't get people sometimes. Last night I called my Mother to see how she was. The 2nd question out of her mouth was, "So...what are you up to now? What do you weigh?" The same question everytime we talk. I finally said, "380...I'm up to 380 with a 62" waist." Just because she has weighed the same thing since she was 21 she harps on this subject. It makes me nuts (obviously). She is constantly on my back about this. So, I decided to shock her. Truth is, I'm at 260. But she constantly reminds me of this. Pointing out large people in public, "You're not that big...yet." I may just have to break down and tell her to shut up. lol!
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2003/11/26, 02:17 PM
well 1st of all i know what its like i was born big. I weighed over 100lbs in 2nd grade lol, 60lbs over weight though really isn;t that bad, hay it culd be worse..........best way to work out to ignore people is to get you a set of headphones lol listen to what ever fires you up. And plus everyone is in that gym for a reason, maybe they where too skinny, or they where once over weight like you, very few people go to the gym just to go for somthing to do lol go and ignore those idiots.........cause one day you'll be bigger and stonger than they are, and boy they are gonna be running
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---andrew.......adversity causes some to break, but others to break records!
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2003/11/26, 04:37 PM
The only thing that has ever crossed my mind when I see a heavier person in the gym is 'good for him/her'
Those are the ones that I admire the most for finding the motivation/strength to go to the gym. I've been both fit and unfit...I remeber what it felt like walking into a gym and feeling insecure...very uncomfortable...but, it was all in my head. Most people (I think) that go to the gym haven't always been in the best shape and I'm sure they remeber that. ANd I doubt they would judge or redicule someone just starting out because everyone knows the hardest part is starting. Hope this makes sense.
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2003/11/26, 04:41 PM
WAnglais1. A possible other way to look at it is they all had to start somewhere at one time. So when you look at them see how they must of looked. You look great and with some fine tuning required. Positive affirmation helsp. Example, Working out everyday has increased my confidence and my body is stronger, and I am healthier for it.
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2003/11/26, 07:37 PM
heheh ... Tell your MOTHER that she needs to stop being so pissy because someone dropped a house on her sister. LOL
Ok ... so that's not really something you tell your Mother but still ... My mother used to do the complete opposite. My parents are both pretty good sized and trying to lose weight as well. They always have been. And now all of their kids are big too and we're all trying like crazy to lose weight. My Mother tries so hard to make sure I have everything I need and some times it goes a little overboard. She is constantly asking me if I need something to eat. I finally had to sit down and explain to her that she was asking me that too much.
What I didn't realize was at my Aunt Jenny's funeral the Preacher said something. He said she always made sure that when you walked in her house you got a kiss and a hug and you were told "I Love You" and she offered you something to eat or drink because she wanted to make absolute certain that no-one in her family ever went hungry and to make sure that they knew each time that they were a very very Loved person.
Most of the time dear, if you sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your Mommy ... she'll understand and she'll stop what you ask her to stop doing. If she doesn't get the point after you talk to her ... then start looking for people that you think are hideously ugly when you go out and say you're a little prettier than her Ma! Then say do you know how I feel now? lol ;)
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2003/11/26, 11:36 PM
This is kind of a downer for me, I have never experienced these rude people.
Every gym I have been a member of or used, has had great people. People that are there for the same reasons (no matter what progress they are at) and willing to talk or help you if you need it.
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2003/11/27, 12:24 PM
I have the same problem, as keithhav has, with ppl being a$$ with you, dude! I was ppl watching at my gym lastnight and realized that the only ones that were being dumb were the roid boyz. My gym is a pretty small community, the regulars at least. Thinking of how they treat each other brings abit of warmth in me. They don't share insults or bitter comments, its all about positive motivation and friendship there. hmmm...I guess, those shallow ppl that are in your gym, just don't know the person they are missing out on :)
take care,
theresheis
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2003/12/06, 07:59 PM
Unfortunately, we live in a society that judges people by the shape of their bodies and the size of their thingies. Exercise and the politics of staying in shape are stressful for everyone, but overweight people are constantly under the microscope and being labled as "too lazy" or "not competent". It is not an easy lifestyle for overweight people and it is that much harder to exercise when they are being ridiculed for being first-timers in the gym. Alot of your dilemma has to do with self-esteem(how you think about yourself as others view you). I'll tell you now, many of those people that are "looking at you" may not be and they may not be judging at all. Its from those few times that you have been judged by your weight that has led to this vicious cycle of "expecting everyone who is in-shape to think that way about you". Its easier said than done, I know, but its time to break that cycle and get down to business. The more you go, the more you will build confidence...not overnight. Good luck and you're in my thoughts.
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OPINIONS ARE LIKE BUTTHOLES, EVERYONES GOT ONE. NOW, SHUT-UP AND GROW!!!
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