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2003/11/28, 02:38 AM
Does anyone think that flirting is harmless or harmful. My girlfriend of 3 years likes to flirt lightly she calls it. She looks at other guys a little too hard and smiles a little too much at the bar or even the gym. Talks with a different voice almost. Should I hop on the bandwagon and do a little flirting myself or tell her to show me a little respect.
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2003/11/28, 09:46 AM
jjimbo - that's one game that nobody can win at. If you haven't tried talking it over - you should. If you have talked it over and the game's still on - IMO you ought to consider where (and with whom) you guys want to be with 6 months from now.
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2003/11/28, 09:53 AM
Without absolute trust relationships end up going nowhere. The type of flirting you're talking about, no matter how 'harmless' or the purpose, undermines that trust. IMO
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2003/11/28, 11:46 AM
Flirting isn't right if you are hurting someone you care about. But: Is she equally friendly to both men and women? Or just to the good looking guys? Is she frequently approaching “new” men with this behaviour? It would be understandable if you were hurt if she were approaching “new” men as that could be interpreted as “trolling” for new opportunities. This is not an easy question because the line can be somewhat blurry here as people personalities vary so greatly. An outgoing person may seem flirty to an introvert for example… I know if my behaviour hurt someone I cared about, I would give it serious thought and if their request did not make me compromise myself (change who I inherently was) I would respect it. We all have our insecurities and having your significant other respect and acknowledge it is tantamount to a good relationship.
As to your other point, I am not so sure that flirting back, so to speak, is a great idea – if you don’t like it and think it shows lack of respect to your partner you are just playing a game that compromises your own beliefs. I am sure some people will disagree with me here, but I have never been one to play those games as I feel they waste my time.
I hope this helps - Good luck :)
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2003/11/28, 12:37 PM
I would have to tell you to sit down and explain how you feel about it.
Don't go doing it yourself as that will do no good for both of you. You would be opening the door for disaster.
Talk it out.
Look...men love to look at women and women like to look at men. That's as far as one should go if thier is a real commitment.
Good Luck.
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"A will finds a way"
Ivan Montreal Canada
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2003/11/28, 02:44 PM
That tit-for-tat game is a sure recipe for disaster. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. I agree with the posts above because 1) you can't change who a person inherently is and 2) clear, honest, open communication is an important part of a happy relationship. I wish I had known these two things when I first got married. It would have saved me several years of hardship.
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2003/11/28, 03:42 PM
That depends on individual definition and if each one knows how the other sees it. If you knew this was her personality (it sounds like you did from early on at least) before you started dating her then you may have to find a comprimise as opposed to asking her to stop, unless the level has elevated from what you're tolerant to. Personally I don't think people flirt to be friendly because in that sense they're likely looking for an equal reaction to their action so you may want to look at it from that spectrum. I can't see you flirting being of any help if you want resolve from this. Doesn't sound like it's harmless.
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2003/11/28, 05:37 PM
It could be harmless though. People only call it flirting if one of the parties involved is attractive. Maybe your reading too much into it. Light flirting is just being friendly. If she is friendly with men, women etc that's just her personality but, if she is being particularly friendly with a certain type of guy she probably looking for attention to feel good about herself...and in return disrespecting you. If that is the case it would be best to discuss it with her.
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2003/11/29, 07:28 PM
If it pisses you off, its harmful. If it doesn't, then you know the answer to that. She calls it "harmless"...is it really or do you just want to believe it is? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your girl is sleeping with these guys but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then BINGO!
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OPINIONS ARE LIKE BUTTHOLES, EVERYONES GOT ONE. NOW, SHUT-UP AND GROW!!!
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2003/12/08, 12:50 PM
In a book called Not Just Friends is a list called Seven Things You Need to Know About Infidelity. Number 4 on that list:
4. Flirting is crossing the line because it is an invitation that indicates receptivity.
(This would be if you are in a committed relationship.)
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~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
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2003/12/08, 01:14 PM
Flirting when you have someone else: IS DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD THING. Anyone can say its harmless, but I bet most of us know its NOT. :) not to mention disrespectful.
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2003/12/08, 01:25 PM
Married 23 years here. If I quit looking or flirting my wife would call a shrink. If I acted on it, better call the paramedics.
you have to judge for yourself what kind of flirting it is.
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Living well is the best revenge.
Charlie
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2003/12/08, 01:59 PM
Hmmm ... That's a hard one to think about. I'm a very flirty person and I don't do it to really flirt, it's just my personality. You should consider what type of personality your girlfriend has before making any judgements that she's actually flirting or not.
I have a fun, talk to everyone, make lots of jokes, pick on people in a silly way not a mean way personality. I just walk up and talk to kids out of nowhere, use different accents, and do all sorts of things. I could have a blast at an insurance seminar. heheehhee Sometimes people think I'm flirting but I'm really not. It's only to make other people and myself smile.
There are a million and one different things about each person. You can look at this several ways.
1. When you're dating for 3 years and you still think she's flirting you should talk to her about it. If you can't talk about it then are you really in a relationship?
2. If you're still in a relationship with someone that makes you feel uncomfortable after 3 years are you worried about them cheating on you and if so then you really don't trust them.
3. You could play the silly game like I did of getting them back and sometimes it'll work and sometimes it won't. Most of the time it'll tick them off and you'll get dumped for doing the same thing they're doing. But once in a while like with my boyfriend it works.
4. If you've been dating 3 years now WHY THE HECK AREN'T YOU MARRIED? hehehe *Laney kicks you in the shin*!*@!!*!*!*!
My Mother told me that you have different things like that with everyone in a relationship. She had things with my Father that she just had to sit down and decide if she wanted to put up with them for the rest of her life or not. Like the fact that he smacks when he eats. Most people would consider that rude and it would drive them nuts. He has real bad sinus problems and he can't breath through his nose while eating so he can't help it. She realizes that and doesn't let it bother her now. They've been together for over 20 years.
charlie826 that is SO exactly true. hehehe I think all men look and all women look ... some just have the decency to not flaunt that they're looking in front of the person they love. My boyfriend was looking at any chick that walked by with a chest at all and I mean staring so bad that he would sometimes run into things ... 'till one day I saw a cute guy that he hangs out with and when we left I almost went into a panic state saying how hot he was and he didn't like that too much hehehe ... He doesn't do it anywhere near as much now. Every once in a while he does but it's usually with a chick that ANY guy would google over. Now every time we go to those meetings with his friends he says "BRIAN" the "SEXY" guy will be there!!! ugh. lol ;) Do you blame me? The guy showed up wearing VERY and I mean VERY tight wranglers, a suit jacket, boots and a cowboy hat. He got out of his truck and turned around and put his jacket on all sexy like and put his hat on then walked over. I about flipped! Was just like seeing Tim McGraw do his thang. hehehehehhehe
Sorry I know I type a book on here sometimes. Hope some people read it instead of thinking I'm a nut case. Boy if we were all in a real room together I'd chatter your little heads off wouldn't I? LOL!
Now ... all that said ... if she's actually giving guys "THAT SMILE" at bars and the gym and stuff ... Is it just a smile or is it "THE SMILE"?
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2003/12/08, 04:17 PM
Thanks for the help people. There are quite a few answers here. I guess everyone's had it happen once before. We've talked about it, but I get called jealous or insecure, possesive. I don't think I'm acting that way. I don't get all angry, I think it's her way of not dealing with it and getting me to shut because I don't want to argue and make it look like I'm jealous. I don't want to look like a pushover either.
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2003/12/08, 05:29 PM
Best of luck to you:)
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2003/12/08, 05:40 PM
I think its OK has long as she is real cute;
ha ha ha
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"Get everthing you want--just make a little change now"
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