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2004/02/18, 06:52 AM
guys, two people here already know about my circumstances. well for those of who do not know, my fiance' is pregnant, and i just found out yesterday, i am in the navy, and so i am gone alot, but last night she said she had to tell me something, and that it was bad, she told me there is a good chance it is not mine, now i am furious, and on fire, and i can not belive it at the same time. this is the only girl; i have had since the 9th grade, and i never would have thought, she said she was going to tell me but did not want to hurt me, i am so pissed, i mean i gonna kill that guy! the worse part is it was one of my friends, i mean i shared 18 years with this guy, played highschool football with him, did everything, and now this, what do i do freetrainers, any advice, i told her i never wanted to talk to her again, and that if it was mine i would get custody b/c a whore is an unfit mother.
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2004/02/18, 07:28 AM
Gosh, your pain and anger purely radiates out of your words this morning. Unfortunately, there isn't really anything that I can say other than to tell you that the pain will dull as you work yourway through this. Try and remain as calm as possible and don't act on your anger, that will get you nowhere. My cousin is in jail for 20 years after having been in the the same exact situation. He tells me that revenge is not as sweet as we think sometimes. I belive he knows what he is talking about. Can the Navy provide someone for you to talk to and help you manage your feelings? Stay centered and get some help with this, ok?
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2004/02/18, 08:09 AM
Stay clear of her. If the baby is yours; do the right thing. If it is not; move on with your life.
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Hecdarec in full effect.
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2004/02/18, 08:43 AM
Wow. Life sure through you an awful curve ball didn't it? :( You have every right to be furious. What has happened to you is the ultimate betrayal - by your fiancé and by your friend. But sadly, what has been done is done. :( And now it is up to you. And awful pile of @$#^ has been flung at you and you are going to have to choose how to deal with it. Please choose wisely.
Brandi is right when saying that there is nothing gained from physical revenge - it might feel as if it would provide release and vengeance, but ultimately you will end up extremely bitter, or worse, paying a huge consequence for your actions. As hard as it is, try and focus your anger positively - possibly through working out or something else constructive. You did not do anything wrong - remember that. Try to keep in mind the fact that you are still young and at least you found out these lack of "qualities/morality" in these 2 people before you got married and before many many years have passed.
If this child indeed is yours, as hard as it may seem, I hope you will keep in mind that the child, like you, did not do anything wrong and that he/she does not deserve bitterness and fighting between you two right from day one. As awful as your fiance may seem to you, a child does deserve 2 parents who can get beyond their differences and do what is best for the child. This may seem fantastically inconceivable right now, but I do hope you will keep this in mind. So much for you to have thrown at you clt - I wish the best for you :)
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2004/02/18, 10:52 AM
Oh hun...I am looking at all the things I wrote to you yesterday and I simply want to cry. I am so sorry that this is how things turned out. I know that you don't want to have anything to do with her, but until you are able to know if the baby is yours or not, you need to keep in touch with her, we don't want to see you on Maury Povich getting a DNA test. If the baby is yours I have no doubt that you will be a man and step up to the challenge. If not then you can cut all ties and move on with life taking a lesson in people along with you. Once again, I am so sorry, and please keep us update on the situation
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2004/02/18, 12:19 PM
I cannot imagine what you are going through, but am glad you are reaching out for support, and are able to express your feelings. You have been given great advice here, stay strong and centered, now more then ever in your life. I am sorry to hear what you are going through, but can tell by the change in your attitude already, and the displine of your carreer, you will be fine. Do not react, emtions are like the ocean one day wild the neck day calm, do not let them control you, journal, run, work out, pray, use the suggesstions above.Sincerely.
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2004/02/18, 03:49 PM
Follow Hec's advice. It will save you tons of trouble in the long run. Sorry man.
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2004/02/19, 02:56 PM
clt......I say take it as a learning experiance and move on with your life.....you are young and you have so much more to see so enjoy the time that you have and make the most of it. If the baby is yours do the right thing and be there for it......dont let the child be caught in the middle of what you and the mother are going through becuase that is not an healthy enviroment for anyone espcially when you are growing up. If the baby isnt yours be a man and walk away although you may want to punch this guys head in..........take all that anger and frustration to the gym and let it benefit you there......please take this to heart.......birth control in the Navy is free so please god to prevent this in the future break out the rain coat.....it could save you in the future and if any I MEAN ANY GIRL tells yous no that she is on the pill you should be using a condom anyway!!!!
Good luck to you and please dont take offense to anything I have said....it is all out respect and care.
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you can lead the horse to the water but you can't make them drink.....
~lynnoakdale
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2004/02/19, 06:18 PM
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. What a difference a day makes, huh? I dont think there is anything more devastating than the betrayal of a spouse or significant other. And it is VERY hard to get over. It is fortunate you are not married to her, but I know that is not much help. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a counselor or therapist that can help you find the tools to get through this. There are lots of books out there on the subject. It will be a long time but hopefully you will learn how to trust again. That is the hardest thing. Not just to trust another woman again, but even to trust your own judgement. This is going to be a very difficult time for you. If you need to talk more about this feel free to email me, I know what you are going through and in a word, it sucks. I just wish people who decide they want to be with someone else would have the decency to break up with us FIRST. :angry: Id rather be dumped than cheated on anyday. Hang in there kiddo.
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~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
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