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2004/02/28, 10:11 AM
My g/f was staying the night and she was getting her stuff out to get ready to take a shower and a yellow piece of paper fell from her purse I picked it up and it had 2 phone numbers on it...So I did a reverse check and it was a guy's number she worked with and his cell phone number. He was currently fired and I guess they talked at work and stuff...Should I be concerned or am I over reacting?...How can I call her out on this also because even though it fell out she will be like what you doing looking at my stuff and blah blah!????
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2004/02/28, 10:29 AM
If I were in your situation I wouldn't be too concerned. But that's just me; I'm not a jealous type. Jealousy is a waste of time. I would let it go. Has she given you any reason not to trust her?
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2004/02/28, 10:35 AM
She says she has been going out with her friends more and things like that and have done things to improve herself looks wise...
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2004/02/28, 11:24 AM
Tell her the truth of what happened - and ask her to do the same. That is all you can really do unless you want to avoid the whole thing. Communication is the key to any relationship.
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There is no substitute for hard work
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2004/02/28, 11:29 AM
I've tried talking to her in the past about certain things and she just gets an attitude like she gets irritated about it and I always ask her if she still feels the same and all that other hooplah and she is like YES!!!! but in a irritated way like she is tired of hearing it....I dunno I know the guy got fired from her work and they use to talk but I cant imagine them talking on the phone you know? It was in a guys hand writing and she had his number in her hand writing...I just tossed them out in the trash....Maybe I should call him and ask him lol.
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2004/02/28, 01:46 PM
NOOOO ....don't call him! Then she'll REALLY be irritated!!! You threw his number out??? wow! that was her property. You need to trust her and if she isn't trustworthy, then she isn't worth having (sorry.......its just my point of view). Do what you want, but this is what I would do if I were in your shoes...
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2004/02/28, 01:49 PM
gg if it is real, you will never have to wonder. She will never give you reason to.
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Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2004/02/28, 01:50 PM
sandyQ-To me it was garbage fell on the floor picked it up and threw it away. Im going to talk to her probably tomorrow about this...Here is a vague way of how I will talk to her...Tell me what you think.
think im just going to be like
"hey we need to have a talk"
and when we have that talk....Im going to be like I dont think I can see you anymore...We arent on the same page anymore and I know you are interested in other people and I think it would be best instead of wasting our time you just moved on in the direction you want but I will still be here....Tell her it was nice knowing her give her a kiss on the hand and be on my way....Sounds good to me... 5 years of dating down the drain...
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2004/02/28, 01:50 PM
Also I think she is possibly just bored w/ me....:(
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2004/02/28, 01:54 PM
Not Down The Drain!!!!! Every experience counts toward what you are and will be. They are important. You will be fine. She will be fine. Things always work out.
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Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2004/02/28, 01:57 PM
I hope you are right....I feel like a pile of dung.
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Quoting from charlie826:
Not Down The Drain!!!!! Every experience counts toward what you are and will be. They are important. You will be fine. She will be fine. Things always work out.
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2004/02/28, 02:48 PM
It'll pass lil bro.
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Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2004/02/28, 04:28 PM
Well..........sounds to me like your making assumptions. How DO you know your not on the same page anymore??? Just because you found a number?? Rather than going this far, just tell her you found the number and by mistake threw it out and you wondered whether it was something she needed. Then..........the ball is in her court. Whatever she says from then on will help you decide if your on the same page or not.
Want my honest opinion? If you said what your planning on saying to her and it was me..........I would automatically get defensive and say "okay then see ya, have a nice life". Sorry, I'm so direct, that's just my way.
Good Luck with whatever you decided to do! Keep us updated!!!
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Quoting from goldengloves:
sandyQ-To me it was garbage fell on the floor picked it up and threw it away. Im going to talk to her probably tomorrow about this...Here is a vague way of how I will talk to her...Tell me what you think.
think im just going to be like
"hey we need to have a talk"
and when we have that talk....Im going to be like I dont think I can see you anymore...We arent on the same page anymore and I know you are interested in other people and I think it would be best instead of wasting our time you just moved on in the direction you want but I will still be here....Tell her it was nice knowing her give her a kiss on the hand and be on my way....Sounds good to me... 5 years of dating down the drain...
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2004/02/28, 06:32 PM
:angry::big_smile:
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Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2004/02/29, 01:37 PM
SandyQ-You are correct to an extent...Well I get off work last night and before hand I ask if she will be home and if I can call her she said yes I call her around 9:30 boom Im told she went out to a movie...I call her this morning she is on the phone at like 9am and wont tell me who on top of that she couldnt get her story straight about what time the movie started...So I pick her up to take her to work and while she was getting ready her cell phone was on the table I pick it up and just mess around w/ it and in her call log it has that she has called that guy multiple times!
This is not good let me tell you...On the way to work I was almost in tears upset me to hell and I am like when you get off work we need to have a talk and she just laughed and said ok and just kept smiling at me...Painful and heartbreaking let me tell you...I will post as this continues!
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2004/02/29, 02:17 PM
GG if she is smiling while you are obviously in pain, that tells you somthing. Sandy, GG has another post about his girlfriend. I think a lot ofus are considering it too. Good luck GG. Know it hurts buddy.
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Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2004/02/29, 05:12 PM
Charlie-Thanks alot you have been a help!...Im a pretty emotional person and like to vent! thanks for being their!...One last question...When I confront her about this and if she calls me back saying she is sorry and nothing has happened and so forth should I just be like stay out of my life or give her a 2nd chance???...Why would I give her a 2nd chance? She could do it again? Right?....Well Im off to get her...*Wish me Luck*
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2004/02/29, 05:15 PM
You will know when you see her. Good luck. The up side to this is that as bad as things seem now.... They will be that great when you gind the right one... and last forever.
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Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2004/02/29, 05:17 PM
Very true will only make my instincts stronger! Funny part is I had 100% in this girl until now and have gone through everything it is just insane! to think that she was the one who ruined it!....What can yo do though?
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2004/03/01, 01:13 AM
Sorry I came late to this post GG and Chuck...what can I do you for?...ah, I see GG is having some intimate issues with the lady friend. GG, unless she has a drop-dead, awesome excuse for calling this guy, I would most definitely be concerned. You have every right to question a phone number of a guy you do not know. If you've been together for five years, there really should be no secrets to who she talks to. Confront her in the way you have described above, be understanding and realistic. I know the brain can turn to mush after five years of dating so watch what you say to her. Keep your emotions in check(don't go crazy). I counsel couples for a living and I'm faced with these types of problems daily. There is no right or wrong, just reality. Whats your reality? Can you stay with someone you can't trust? Or is this just a bump in the road? Chances are, if you feel this strongly about it, its more than just a little bump. Keep us updated man and good luck.
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2004/03/01, 07:11 AM
Well I confronted her about this and asked what she thought about "us" and well her excuse was for the number that he gave it to a few people once he was fired so I was like what about the other one written in your handwriting she was kind of "ehh" on that one didnt know what to say!....But she was like no matter what reason I give you you will still say whatever and so on!....But we talked and she said that she just felt smothered and had alot going on in her life and needs a break! Well I guess she does in a way she lives with her grandparents never saw her dad and her mom never wanted anything to do w/ her and she found out her mom is having a baby...Which I guess tore her up but still doesnt explain the number!....Well I guess we are taking a break and then see how thing goes...I told her I will trust her this time but one more mishap and I am out of her life for good....By the way she was crying like crazy last night.
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2004/03/01, 07:27 AM
damn this thing having no edit button!
Id also like to add that one reason I trust her is because she started crying like a maniac and said the only reason this is happening is because of her...She didnt blame it on me once except for the fact she felt smothered and cant do anything w/o me getting mad....Which tells me something because if she was trying to do something wouldnt she call it my fault?...But instead she said it was hers and everything?
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2004/03/01, 11:12 AM
GG - you are a young man - obvioulsy makeing changes in his life. I would say that she should be the one worried about losing you. Keep your options open during this time. If she is avoiding you about the number, I would be concerned too. Mrs right is out there waiting for you to come and get her! I know this really sucks right now, but down the road it is always for the better! Trust Me!
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There is no substitute for hard work
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2004/03/01, 11:28 AM
Sorry but it sounds to be the old 'it's not you, it's me. From personal experience when someone starts hiding things from you, it is trouble. Having the numbers is not too bad, but the missing time and unexplained calls add up. Just my opinion but it appears she is doing something she should not and trying to make you feel sorry for her by crying and pointing the finger at herself. GG, it is not good
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2004/03/01, 12:31 PM
I agree with bhardy. GG, I think you are being blinded by love here, which is easy to do. You can only make this work out between you if BOTH of you want to. My instincts are that he is more than a friend. And her saying it isnt you is her own guilt coming to the surface. Your situation is not unique, it happens to nearly everyone at least once in their lives. There is an excellent book that can help you two if you both decide you want to fix it. It is called "Not Just Friends". I think you can find it on Amazon.com. When you love someone so much that you will do anything to keep them you tend to not accept the signs that are right in your face. We just dont want to admit that the other person could do something like that to us.
A word of advice, or even a request, for everyone: If you are interested in someone else, break up with the person you are with FIRST. It is much easier to get over being dumped, than being cheated on and lied to.
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~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
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2004/03/01, 02:35 PM
Bravo AZRED...GG she is right on. Please try to look past the tears she shed and look at 'reality'. When she tells you she feels smothered and that 'she can't do anything without getting you mad', these are RED FLAGS my friend. This is a tough, tough time and it is easy to get "blinded" by emotion. I'm sorry buddy but I have to point out something to you...when she gave the whole "its not you, its me" line, from what you said, I gather this is not how she feels. If it was 'her and not you', then why would she say that YOU smother her and that she can't do anything without YOU getting mad. Her issue is with you, not herself. There's something wrong in your relationship and a break is not the answer on both ends. Don't get me wrong, don't force her to talk, but if this thing is going to be resolved for a LONG-TERM relationship, it has to be confronted and not just pushed aside until thing may or may not cool down. GG, I'm sorry you feel this way, but it is time for you to step back and look at the whole situation, try to understand it a little better...don't point fingers and don't make excuses. Good luck buddy, I know its tough and your not alone in this.
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2004/03/01, 02:44 PM
I think if you have to ask then you probably already know the answer deep down
good luck and take care
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2004/03/02, 01:04 AM
From my perspective, sounds like it's done. Just because you love someone very deeply, doesn't mean that you are meant to be. When I broke up with my ex-fiance (we'd been together 4 years) I cried like a baby.....so did he. It wasn't because I didn't love him, I just couldn't be in the relationship anymore. Maybe that's how your girl is feeling right now. Regardless, when a person goes looking for love and affection somewhere else, then something is missing in the current relationship. And like Charlie said, don't think of your five years as a waste, but as an experience that you are better for having. Lots of luck :love:
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2004/03/02, 07:05 AM
I appreciate everyones help....We talked about it again last night for a couple of hours!....I told her I dont think a break will solve anything and the only way were are going to fix any of this is by talking and having a break will only make it worse! I dunno I could be blinded by love...But I think I believe her this time around but I told her if anything else came up It was over....We just had a loooooong deep discussion last night...I hope everything will be ok....Maybe im over exaggerating about this I dunno...
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2004/03/02, 02:59 PM
I've been in that situation before and it's a lose lose situation. I've been burned in the past and it made me the skeptical jealous type at times. So it sounds like a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. If you have a good relationship confront her about it in a non threatening way. Don't get upset just let her know that it bothered you and you would like to know whats up.
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2004/03/03, 01:33 AM
Good luck GG...I'm glad you confronted her with the whole "NO BREAK, LETS DO THIS NOW". The choice is yours. JROCYOU23...he DID confront her in a non-threatening way. Read his last post. NOt being mean, just pointing it out.
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May the lift be with you.
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2004/03/03, 07:08 AM
jdelts-Yes If I went all out screaming at her it would only make it worse....We have talked and seem to work things out...Things have gotten better (for now)....Im anxious to see how things work out at this point.
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2004/03/03, 10:35 AM
Some people may disagree but I would check that cell phone for that number from time to time. It may be her private phone but where there is smoke there may be fire
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2004/03/03, 11:00 AM
Who wants to be in a relationship where you have to sneak around and check phones. If you cant trust her you shouldnt be with her. To me it isnt worth the hassle. Then again I am a stupid man what do I know.
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Hecdarec in full effect.
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2004/03/03, 11:24 AM
Your absolutely right! Mind games are such a waste of energy.
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Quoting from hecdarec:
Who wants to be in a relationship where you have to sneak around and check phones. If you cant trust her you shouldnt be with her. To me it isnt worth the hassle. Then again I am a stupid man what do I know.
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2004/03/03, 12:32 PM
ATIGER-While it will be tempting because I have that doubt in my mind the more I think about it and the more the doubt will turn into reality in my head and I will just flare out accusations at her...Im going to forget about all of this and just not think about it and make the best of it but if it happens again then it is flat out over no ifs and or buts...
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2004/03/03, 12:34 PM
Good luck GG . However the cards fall, YOU WILL SURVIVE !!!! In the words of Bob Marley..."everytings gonna be arright":cool:
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Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2004/03/03, 12:42 PM
GG - That is probably the best thing to do. I am putting too much of my experience into the situation. I trusted my gfriend with what she told me when I talked to her in a simular situation. I found out it was all a smoke screen and I would have saved myself alot of heartache if I would have been a little more cautious. Hope everything goes fine.
P.S. - her name isnt Susan, is it? :laugh:
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2004/03/03, 12:59 PM
charlie-Thanks
Atiger-Nope it's sharon....
btw-We are taking a "romantic weekend" package deal from this resort in a few weeks...Im hoping this will put us both on track.....Thanks everyone alot of replies in this post appreciate it.....
Best thing to do is trust your instincts and go with your heart even though your head is slapping you with something else!....Just live like the way it was meant to be! (Happy) so dont let things like this get you down..Life is way to short...:love:
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