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your opinions please

brandigirl74 Posts: 20 Joined: 2004/02/01	2004/03/10, 07:58 AM A girlfriend of mine says that when her man started cheating, he actually became more affectionate and attentive to her. This started a big debate in the group of friends that I play poker with on Tuesday nights. Some insist that the man will become withdrawn and the others say she is right on. What say you on this one?
dfly411 Posts: 1,352 Joined: 2004/03/04	2004/03/10, 08:39 AM When my ex-husband cheated on me, in the begining he was very much like your friend's man. He wanted to have sex 24-7 and started giving me little gifts and telling me all the time how beautiful I was and how lucky he was to have me...bla,bla,bla...all tactics that he did not normally employ. However, round about the time I started to catch on, he was starting to withdrawl and was avoiding me like the plague.....I think guilt causes people to behave differently than they normally would, so I guess it depends on what they were like before that guilt set in. I don't know, I could just be making that up.
I_Am-aZon Posts: 893 Joined: 2003/02/18	2004/03/10, 08:46 AM I think both behaviours can be correct. Guilt may make him withdraw into himself but on the other hand, the increased affection/excitement he is receiving through the affair could also make him happier with all aspects of his life and thus, translate to attentiveness/affection (wrong as this may be)...He could also have become more attentive due to guilt also...:( Just wondering: Did your friend dump the guy?? :surprised:
brandigirl74 Posts: 20 Joined: 2004/02/01	2004/03/10, 10:46 AM Yep, not only dumped him, but she also flattened his tires and threw all his clothes out on the pavement. Not the most adult thing to do I say, but, having never been in the situation myself...I can't say that I blame her.:laugh:
azredhead57 Posts: 1,651 Joined: 2003/04/11	2004/03/10, 12:43 PM A woman after my own heart! I agree with Am-azon, neither behavior would surprise me. And some are sooooo good at lying, you don't notice any change in behavior for a long time. I guess I can't say this enough.....People, if you want someone else, break up with the person you are with FIRST. Being dumped is a lot easier to deal with than being lied to and cheated on!!!! -------------- ~Victoria~ ...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon ...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
agamble Posts: 1,029 Joined: 2003/09/22	2004/03/10, 12:49 PM dfly411, your ex is an idiot. What was he thinking?
I_Am-aZon Posts: 893 Joined: 2003/02/18	2004/03/10, 01:21 PM :laugh::laugh::laugh: brandgirl - that's too funny! Better that then blaming herself I guess
hecdarec Posts: 2,457 Joined: 2003/12/16	2004/03/10, 01:28 PM Obviously he wasn't thinking. ============ Quoting from agamble: dfly411, your ex is an idiot. What was he thinking? ============= -------------- Hecdarec in full effect.
agamble Posts: 1,029 Joined: 2003/09/22	2004/03/10, 01:30 PM obviously!
	2004/03/10, 01:31 PM I agree. -------------- The greatest mystery of life is who we truly are. Charlie
dfly411 Posts: 1,352 Joined: 2004/03/04	2004/03/10, 02:50 PM You know, I never asked him what he was thinking.... Maybe that he was a victim to 200 million years of biological programming??? I don't know.... AZRED....yes, in a perfect world we would get dumped instead of dooped, right?
Ogun Posts: 559 Joined: 2002/08/11	2004/03/10, 02:52 PM My ex was alot happier when she started cheating. I shoulda known. That didn't stop me from serving her silly butt the moment I found out. Bad girls bad girls, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when your man serves you. -------------- --There are no versions of the truth.-- Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park II
i81b4u81 Posts: 30 Joined: 2003/02/11	2004/03/10, 04:19 PM Seems to be an equal split and those traits are gender bias either.
starbell Posts: 279 Joined: 2002/11/13	2004/03/10, 05:30 PM Well I have to agree with Am-azon, and azredhead, when someone is doing something different and keeping it from you, there behaviour changes, in both ways. Either overly loving, or withdrawn, indeed based on quilt and the fact they have found something exciting, ya. Behaviour changes occur in major functions and differences in our lives. To those who have been cheated on, sorry to hear it, obviously the individuals did not realize what they had or were loosing. After 20 years of marriage and some difficult times, I have to say I am very lucky, and as for cheating, it crossed my mind, yet nothing equals what I have in my relationship with my wife.
liz6662002 Posts: 21 Joined: 2004/02/29	2004/03/17, 10:40 AM I think it all depends on the guy and how much guilt he's feeling. I've had A LOT of guys cheat on me (my bad luck) I think if they feel exceptionaly guilty, they become more affectionate, to kind of make up for what they're doing. On the other had, if he's being distant, it could be that A) they feel no guilt, or B) they DO feel guilty, but they just don't know what to do. My opinion, if a person is going to cheat, they should leave the person they're with, it's not fair to put someone through that -------------- True love is hard to find, loneliness is just a blink away
Jdelts Posts: 1,218 Joined: 2003/10/19	2004/03/17, 11:15 PM Good point 666...it really depends on the person and how they deal with their stupidity. -------------- Baseball is wrong: Man with four balls cannot walk. Jdelts@freetrainers.com