|
2004/03/15, 10:23 AM
CLASSES FOR MEN AT OUR LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
SIGN UP BY MARCH 25TH.
(Note- I've signed up for #12 and #10 Charlie
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,EACH
COURSE WILL ACCEPT A MAXIMUM OF 8 PARTICIPANTS EACH.
Topic 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. -- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Topic 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself? -- Round Table
Discussion.
Topic 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat
and Avoiding the Floor/Walls/Nearby Bathtub? -- Group Practice.
Topic 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor.
-- Pictures/Explanatory Graphics.
Topic 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink?
-- Examples on Video
Topic 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other. --
Help Line Support and Support Groups
Topic 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with Looking in the Right
Places Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While screaming.
-- Open Forum.
Topic 8: Health Watch - Bringing her Flowers is Not Harmful to Your Health.
-- Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Topic 9: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. -- Real Life Testimonials.
Topic 10: Is it Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly While she Parallel Parks?
-- Driving Simulations
Topic 11: Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and Role-Playing.
Topic 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion.
-- Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Topic 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays,
Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling
When You're Going to be Late.
-- Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Topic 14: The Stove/Oven - What it is and How it is Used.
-- Live demonstration.
--------------
The greatest mystery of life is who we truly are.
Charlie
|
|
|
|
2004/03/15, 12:19 PM
lololol
Im signing him up for 1, 3, 4, and 11..:love::laugh:
--------------
It is no fun to be normal!!!
|
|
2004/03/15, 12:47 PM
charlie,
That was the funniest freaking thing I have read in a long time. thanks for the laugh!
newbreed
"Work Hard, Play Hard, TRAIN HARDER"
|
|
2004/03/15, 01:35 PM
Charlie you are too much.....I like 4, 7 and 11 myself.:laugh:
--------------
~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
|
|
2004/03/15, 02:05 PM
charlie those were funny.......I needed a laugh
|
|
2004/03/15, 03:34 PM
:big_smile::big_smile::big_smile::big_smile::big_smile:
I'm over here laughing like that little dog that just wheezes? You know the one?
|
|
2004/03/15, 03:53 PM
A Woman'S 50 Rules For Men
1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Dishsoap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
42. Think boxers.
43. Silk boxers.
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don't let your friends pick on her.
48. Call.
49. Don't lie.
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
|
|
2004/03/15, 05:57 PM
I love it! :love: Any man who abides by those rules will make his woman very happy. And in turn she will make him VERRRRYY happy!
--------------
~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
|
|
2004/03/22, 09:30 AM
Before anyone gets upset, I married a South Carolina Girl.
Subject: South Carolina women
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their
new wives straight on their duties.
The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania. He bragged that he
had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning
that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but
on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all
washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Ohio. He said he had given his
wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the
cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but
the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the
dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a South Carolina girl. He boasted that he told
her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and
laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first
day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but
by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a
little out of his left eye.
.
--------------
A problem ceases to be such when you can laugh about it.
Charlie
|
|
2004/03/22, 09:58 AM
:big_smile::big_smile::big_smile::big_smile:
|
|
2005/03/21, 04:21 PM
my husband needs to take #1 and #4, :laugh::big_smile: also #8 would be helpul also, looking forward to getting back in shape
|
|
2005/03/22, 05:46 AM
roflmao charlie....you kill me sometimes.....well what do you know I qualify for them all..1-14...at least now i realize i got a problem....
lol@south carolina women....
|
|
2005/03/23, 10:00 AM
I've faxed to my hubby at work and his know it all buddies, I figure its never to late to learn! :) Thanks for the laughs!
--------------
Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|
|
2005/05/18, 03:15 AM
You're right about that it is never too late to learn.
|
