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2004/03/16, 01:42 PM
An Irish guy walks into a bar with a stearing wheel sticking out of the front of his pants. The bar tender says, "hey pal, you've got a steering wheel sticking out of zipper." The Irishman says "yeh, and it's drivin' me nuts..."
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another. The Scots picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him, yelling, "Spit it out, ye bastard! Spit it out!"
An Irishman who had too much to drink is pulled over for weaving all over the road. "So, where have you been?" asks the cop. "Why, to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop,"it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh thank heavens," sighs the drunk, "for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf!"
A drunk staggers into a Catholic church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles,"aint no use knockin' there's no paper on this side either."
TSMD
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2004/03/16, 01:56 PM
Get ready for the great reinforcing o' the stereotypes!!!:)
I wish I could remember some of the Irish jokes I have heard, I must have had too much to drink when they were told:(
Erin Go Bragh!!!
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2004/03/16, 02:00 PM
As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young Irish girl shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant.
She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other:
"Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"
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2004/03/16, 02:02 PM
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
Darn! There goes another one!"
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2004/03/16, 02:06 PM
All in good fun, Asimmer. I'm a wee bit Irish, so, I can poke fun! Many years ago, I worked for an Irish gentleman who was blind (but has since passed away). I had only the utmost respect for him -- but man, he could tell Hellen Keller jokes unlike anyone! He had a great sense of humor. Very fond memories.
TSMD
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2004/03/16, 02:26 PM
I'm not taking offense, I love Irish jokes! I seriously can't remember them....:surprised:
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"To be able to go to the gym and train hard is a joy and a privelege, even though the hard work necessitates driving yourself through considerable discomfort. Savor this privelege and blessing, and revel in it."
Stuart McRobert, Beyond Brawn
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2004/03/16, 03:14 PM
These are great! My family is Irish and my father is always looking for new jokes to use at the Irish/American Gaelic Society get togethers. Printing these out for him. Thanks all.
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~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
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