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2004/03/19, 07:03 AM
Ladies,
As you know I am in the military and on a somewhat isolated Island..I am one of the few women here that are in the military most of them are civilians. You know i have noticed that most of them avoid me......this morning at aerobics I am jsut setting there and the other girls are talking amongst themselves and I try to join the conversation but when I do say something they just kind of look at me with a dumb stare on there face and I feel like an idiot.......Most of my friends are guys and I have tried so hard to make friends with the few females here but I never get invited anywhere with these poeple. Yesterday I realized that I was the only girl in the gym lifting surrounded by men.......most girls do workout here but they dont lift. There is once girl who is about my age and she is friendly to me and we try to make plans but she has a small baby and her and her husband work different schedules so alot of times she has the baby in the evening.....I just dont understand this...I think I am a friendly person or at least I try to be bt these girls avoid me like the plague......it would be nice to have a girlfriend to hang out with and go to the beach with paint toenails together and just do girly stuff but not here at least not for me. The person I hang out with the most is a guy and when I do go to these classes alone I feel really uncomfortable and want to leave but when he is there I feel at ease becuase we have the same sense of humor....does anyone here go through the same thing..........and not that it bothers me (not much) I just wonder if there is something wrong with me????:(
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you can lead the horse to the water but you can't make them drink.....
~lynnoakdale
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2004/03/19, 07:28 AM
There isn't a thing wrong with you....some women, and I am one of them, just don't fit into the nitch that the world has created for females.
I asked my best friend one time why it was that she and I grew to be so close when no I had not been successful with having the multitude of "girlfriends" that so many women find so easy to carry off.
She told me that I was intimidating. Not in the "uppity" sense, but because I had agressiveness and wasn't scared to grab the bull by the horns. Friendliness doesn't really have much to do with it, it is the way women like us carry ourselves.
Of course, there is always the fact that they may be jealous of you. Especially if you are able to hang with the big dogs in the gym. And sadly, if you are a woman that dared to do the military, you go into a different class....it's almost like you have breeched some unannounced code of girliness because you took on a mission other painting your toenails.:laugh::laugh:
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2004/03/19, 07:35 AM
lynnoakdale it sure does happen to me and it always has. For whatever reason most women just don't like me, on the other hand, I don't have any tolerance for most women either so it's all good. You do get used to it and you probably don't want to be a person they would like. I've always had male friends and prefer them. A good guy friend will paint your toenails and accompany you while you do girly stuff. Men are usually very receptive to being what you need them to be, but you do have to communicate your needs in order for that to happen. If those women don't want to be your friend then it's their loss. You just keep hanging out with the guys. I know it isn't the same as a good girlfriend, but until you find one, just enjoy the male companionship. I'm sure those women are jealous.
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Anni
Never pet a burning dog.
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2004/03/19, 09:02 AM
LOL non active duty women around active duty women tend to be abit intimidated, at least from what I have seen. I think it has alot to do with the stigma of being one of the guys, anywho like they said keep hanging out with the guys, they work very nicely as friends! On the other hand maybe you and your friend with the baby should just find more "baby friendly" outings to do so you can get together more often with a female.
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Love me as I am . . .
Let me worry about how I look!
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2004/03/19, 10:25 AM
thanks you guys.......that really makes me feel better because there for a bit I thought something was wrong with me. I guess you could say that I have never had a circle of female friends that I tend to hang out with the guys more........I have had some really good friendships with the guys and you the funny thing is they are never in competiton with you or worried over the small things that I have seen other females worry about. Dfly411 I can relate to your personality becuase most of the time when I go out or do something I am wide open meaning I am here so I may as well make the most of it and maybe that is a little on the agressive side but I dont think I ever got anything in my life without taking charge and making it happen.......I have never been one for things to jsut fall from the sky and end up in my lap.
This morning I felt a little uncomfortable and like an outsider because no one was talking to me..........The girls were making plans with each other for this weekend and I just sat there and listened...I thought about leaving before it even started becuase of how I felt. I do realize I am a good person and a good friend and have never been one to change the way I am just for someone to like me.
I never thought I was an intimidating person (and still dont) but maybe I am who knows.....thanks for all the support you rock......:love:
I will struggle through another aerobics session with the support that I have found here:dumbbell:
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you can lead the horse to the water but you can't make them drink.....
~lynnoakdale
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2004/03/19, 10:27 AM
I to this day can count the number of close girlfriends I've had in my life on one hand.. fortunately I still have them to this day too, but with families etc. it's hard to make girl time with them.
Instead most of the time I find myself with casual male acquaintances, because of that sense of humor thing you mentioned.. I always joke that I think more like a guy than alot of guys I know (including my husband!).
Eventually I've become content with the fact that, while I'm usually alone, I can always find someone fun and funny to pass time with where ever I'm at. I don't have that desire to talk to the chatty girls in class, I'm busy stretching. Instead, I stay after and talk with the instructor.
I suspect, were you to actually engage those women in conversation, you would be very disappointed with the results because they're just not a kindred spirit to you. If you keep doing what feels natural to YOU, eventually you will bump into one of those kindred spirits.. like one of us!!
:love::love:
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2004/03/19, 10:41 AM
hey as a matter of fact I'll be in the neighborhood next week.. cruising through the Bahama's on Friday.
We don't stop on a main island though, we spend a day at the cruise line's private island, Half Moon Cay, located about 100 miles south of Nassau.
Grab an island hopper and come over, I'll bring the nailpolish:cool:
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2004/03/19, 10:45 AM
My wife and I sailed to the Bahamas for our honeymoon. We wnet to Nassau, the private island called Cocoa Cay, and then Key West. We had a blast! The private island was great.
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My gym dues are not paid with money.
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2004/03/19, 10:49 AM
oh so close and yet so far away.........I will be thinking of ya and sending you a huge Bahamian welcome. It is beautiful here right now and I hope you enjoy your stay. I to tend to think alot like a guy and I am pretty straight forward and honest no BS here......I am however very close to my sister and she hears more of my drama then anyone I know...she is my best friend.....
sometimes it feels like I am in 1st grade and we are picking teams for kickball and I am the lat one called for a team. As a rule of thumb I try to give everyone the benefit of doubt and believe there is good in everyone.
I realize I am not in the click and that is ok with me.....
I just keep to myself and keep pressin on
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you can lead the horse to the water but you can't make them drink.....
~lynnoakdale
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2004/03/19, 02:23 PM
:)My sissy is my best friend too ... :love:sisters:love:
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