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Why are guys scared!!!!

KilliJo Posts: 17 Joined: 2004/03/28	2004/03/28, 08:59 AM I am 20 years old and im a single mom to a one month old baby boy, Im trying to find a boyfriend but all the guys that I meet run away when I tell them I have a baby! Im not asking them to be a father or help me support my baby I just want to meet a nice guy to go out with and have fun. Why are guys so scared of me and my baby? -------------- Killi
goldengloves Posts: 690 Joined: 2003/09/19	2004/03/28, 09:27 AM Afraid of commitment to something of that nature possibly or afraid maybe they will get sucked into something they dont want/need at the moment....Try to go for older guys that are more stable if you havent tried already.
KilliJo Posts: 17 Joined: 2004/03/28	2004/03/28, 09:50 AM thanks Ill keep that in mind. -------------- Killi
dfly411 Posts: 1,352 Joined: 2004/03/04	2004/03/28, 11:21 AM Unfortunately, I think the majority of guys your age are intimidated by the concept of a "package deal". Hell, I think that might be true for most men in general.:big_smile: With lots of experience as a single mother I can remember well the look that said..."if you just didn't have kids..." Is it fair? No. Is it a reasonable reaction? Yes. It is natural to shy away from things that you aren't familiar with. And goldengloves is right...kids scream BIG COMMITMENT. Be patient, the importance is that you are a good person and a good mother. You will meet somebody one day that can see that as an attractive combination!
agamble Posts: 1,029 Joined: 2003/09/22	2004/03/29, 06:27 AM There are some good guys out there who won't mind if they are serious about a relationship with you. Consider the situation a good screening process. You don't want anyone who can't handle the situation anyway. Be patient.
parko03 Posts: 156 Joined: 2004/01/28	2004/03/29, 08:56 AM Killijo Don't worry about it. Take care of yourself and your baby and the right guy/s will eventually come along. I was 20 years old with and 18 month old. I ended up marrying a guy I was dating and he is her "father" in every sense of the word. Very few people today even know that he is not her Biological father. It will happen, just quit looking so hard for it. My experience says that when you quit looking/waiting for things to happen,....that's when they do.:big_smile: -------------- It is no fun to be normal!!!
hecdarec Posts: 2,457 Joined: 2003/12/16	2004/03/29, 09:03 AM KilliJo, I feel for you I really do. My mother was a single mother with 5 kids. What man would want that baggage right? I can tell you this though, there are men out there who can handle the situation. I know because I am one of them. I am a stepfather to two wonderful boys ages 10 and 7. When I first met my wife she did not allow me to have any contact with her children. She did not want them or me to get attached to one another. She made sure that her and I established a relationship first. She involved me in their lives very slowly and carefully. I consider them my sons even though they are not blood. It takes a lot of sacrifices on yours and his part to make it work. I guess my advice is to wait for that special man who can handle the situation to come along. Don't force the issue. Worry about mom and child right now. -------------- My gym dues are not paid with money.
starbell Posts: 279 Joined: 2002/11/13	2004/03/29, 05:22 PM Killijo, don't fret the right guy will come along. My wife and I might as we were moving into the same townhouse complex. She and single mother and I a single father. both separated. When we might we took our time and now, well our 20 years together says it all. So take care of you and your children, and the other parts will come when the time is right.
jrocyou23 Posts: 49 Joined: 2004/03/02	2004/03/29, 05:58 PM Sounds like you're not meeting the right guys. But there are a lot out there. -------------- Jay
rpacheco Posts: 3,770 Joined: 2001/12/13	2004/03/29, 06:25 PM Hmmm...seems it's the same way for single dads, too. So, don't be discouraged. -------------- **_Robert_** Pain is temporary; glory is forever! E-mail: rpacheco@freetrainers.com
Carivan Posts: 8,542 Joined: 2002/01/20	2004/03/30, 09:59 AM Great advice from the above posts. I feel for you Killi. One thing that I might add; if you do find a youg man, or any man for that matter, make sure, relly give him the 3rd degree as to why he wants to be with you. He just might be a fly by, looking for something other than his wife or girlfriend. Seen it happen to a cousin of mine. There are all kinds out there! -------------- "A will finds a way, failure is not an option" Ivan carivan@freetrainers.com Montreal Canada
KilliJo Posts: 17 Joined: 2004/03/28	2004/03/31, 08:03 AM Thanks so much guys and gals I will keep what you all said in mind, and it is good to know someone else has or is in my shoes. I did meet a guy he is a single parent with a 4 year old son we are dating but only taking tiny steps right now, we dont know each others kids yet like you guys said take it slow! -------------- Killi
KilliJo Posts: 17 Joined: 2004/03/28	2004/03/31, 11:09 AM if interested I just wanted to add that I am not going to keep seeing this guy because he is just looking for a maid and watch his son while he goes out and has all the fun, so Im not putting myself or my baby into that relationship at all!:big_smile: -------------- Killi
dahayz Posts: 794 Joined: 2002/05/08	2004/03/31, 01:12 PM Um, all that in 3 hours? That was fast.
amandamae Posts: 27 Joined: 2004/02/19	2004/03/31, 03:03 PM I was a single young mom for 6 years till I found the right one. I tried dateing older men..that didn't work. Guys my own age just didn't understand. Don't rush it! Like my grandpa always says...you wouldn't rush into buying a car or a house would you? People are more complex and take awhile to know anyway. Here's some advice (if you want it) for when you find a guy who accepts that you have a child. Don't let your baby grow close to a man till you have dated or known them for several months. I will never forget my son when he was 3 years old asking me where Billy was. (Billy dumped me after we dated 3 months) My son grew attached, much quicker than I did. I hurt alittle because Billy dumped me, but my son was heart broken. He asked about him everyday.... The point is, really get to know the person before your child does. Good luck in all you do!
KilliJo Posts: 17 Joined: 2004/03/28	2004/04/02, 10:41 AM dahayz I didnt meet him the same day i broke up with him, I wasnt on the computer for a couple of days, yeah it only lasted for like 2 days but thats all i needed to know i didnt want that kind of relationship thats how I am left alone with a baby, the guy just wanted to have fun and not commit to his problems.
dahayz Posts: 794 Joined: 2002/05/08	2004/04/02, 11:06 AM No big deal, you know the right thing to do. Good luck and hopefully everyone here can help.
kenny_wtf Posts: 195 Joined: 2005/08/08	2005/08/18, 08:53 PM lol@ 'why are guys so scared of me and my baby' do they like see u 2 on the street and start taking to their heels?
gangstershoes Posts: 641 Joined: 2005/05/27	2005/08/19, 11:13 AM I hope you find the right guy. It's a touchy subject at your age, and also alot of guys want a girl that they can share that first child experience with. my only advice to you is that your child should always come first, and if the guy truly loves you he should understand that. I wish you the best of luck.