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2004/03/29, 09:11 AM
Why don't men SAY I love you? I get told about 4 times a year whether I need it or not. Yes, I'm completely aware that actions speak louder than words, but sometimes words matter. I have just spent the last 10 days with my man after being away at school for 6 weeks. He didn't say it, so I didn't say it either. It feels terrible.
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Anni
Never pet a burning dog.
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2004/03/29, 09:16 AM
My wife and I say it alot. It does run in cycles though. It think its more important that we each know it though.
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A problem ceases to be such when you can laugh about it.
Charlie
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2004/03/29, 09:21 AM
Why don't you tell him how you feel about this Anni?
The way I see it, wouldn't be near as bad as what you are feeling right now....:love:
ps...other than lack of wordage on your boyfriend's part, how was your break? I hope you had some fun!
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2004/03/29, 09:22 AM
I couldn't imagine a day going by without my husband saying it to me. Have you tried initiating it? I do sometimes just to hear him say it. Some guys just don't understand how important those words are to a woman. If you want to know if he does love you, just ask him. His response will tell you whether he does or not, even if he doesn't say the three little words.
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It is no fun to be normal!!!
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2004/03/29, 09:26 AM
Could he be possibly wondering the same thing about you? Maybe he is waiting for you to say it first? Men (and women to) can be chicken about saying these words for many types of reasons....
I hear you on what you are saying though, because it would certainly have made you feel better and more secure to have heard them right? Have you talked to him about it? Maybe the next time he does say it - tell him how much it means to you when he says this. :love:
Sorry you feel terrible, but if he does indeed love you (without telling you often) I think I would prefer this over a guy who tells me often but acts in a manner to infer that he doesn't. :(Just my 2 cents :)
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2004/03/29, 09:26 AM
I don't tell him because I want to be the one place in the world he can be himself. I don't want to pick at him over something stupid and petty but sometimes I could just shake him. I also don't tell him because it bugs me so bad that I would cry. I really do know that he loves me because he shows me every day, even if it's just through email.
The break was incredible amounts of fun. I had to come home to detox. We fished and played and partied until I couldn't move. I stuck to my good diet except for huge amounts of alcohol and did my cario etc every day.
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Anni
Never pet a burning dog.
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2004/03/29, 09:32 AM
I don't think that you would be picking at him. THis thing is weighing extremely heavy on your heart. Either it is going to slowly eat at the relationship or you will eventually just burst at him, which would scare him more about saying it. I think you should talk to him, and it's ok to cry, were girls, were allowed to. Just when you talk to him, tell him your feelings, Don't complain to him about what he's not doing. You know.
Just my thoughts.
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It is no fun to be normal!!!
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2004/03/29, 12:29 PM
Something that means that much to you is NOT stupid and petty. My husband and I have learned a lot about communication since he has been overseas. There are things we have both wanted and needed from each other but never expressed those feelings to each other. With nothing to do but talk to each other for the last 6 months we are finding this out. They arent even things we mind doing for each other, we just didnt know how much it mattered to us. And with us it is the opposite. My husband needs to hear it more from me, so I am happy to oblige now that I know that. Communication is the key to a great relationship be it marriage or friendship. Most men are more than willing to make us happy if we are just clear about what that is. And trust me sometimes you may have to get out the crayons and convey this at a kindergarten level. No offense to you guys, but sometimes a hint just doesnt sink in.
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~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
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2004/03/29, 12:41 PM
You guys are so supportive and so right. I sent him an email telling him that I love him and that the reason I didn't tell him while we were together was because I couldn't be a grown-up about it and I didn't want him to think I was a sissy. Relationships are hard, especially long distance and I'm wrong to expect him to read my mind.
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Anni
Never pet a burning dog.
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2004/03/29, 01:58 PM
Anni, its ok to be a sissy. My wife throws like a girl!!!! She also removes cockroaches after I kill 'em because I get squeamish.:big_smile:
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A problem ceases to be such when you can laugh about it.
Charlie
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2004/03/29, 08:53 PM
WOW, what an overgeneralization anni313...everyone is different and expresses love in a different way. Look at how he was raised, were his parents affectionate, was he hurt by someone he loves? So many factors play in here, so you can't force the issue with him. Its fine to voice your concern to him because you are entitled, but don't expect him to change overnight...not implying that is what you expect. Good luck and I'm not trying to be mean. :love:
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Baseball is wrong: Man with four balls cannot walk.
Jdelts@freetrainers.com
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2004/03/29, 09:12 PM
jdelts I understand what you are saying and don't think that you are being mean. I really don't want to change him and I think he has been very hurt. I suppose that it should be enough for me that he doesn't freak or go away when I say the "L" word. Today was such a hard day, trying to adjust to being away from him again. I really appreciate everyone listening and being supportive.
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Anni
Never pet a burning dog.
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2004/03/30, 01:08 PM
Hehe,
I guess my out look on the opposite sex isn't that great right now. My ex-gf was the high light of my life, I loved her to peices, when I'd go to see her I'd give her a big hug and tell her I loved her, with no response. Anytime she said it with some exceptions it seemed like it was a choir for her to do, it kinda hurt.
We'll to make a long story short things didn't go the best. That's been about a year ago. I'm now concentrating on my life and my carrier. Sometimes it seem's that you can hold your self back for people and in the end kick yourself in the a$$ for it afterwerd. Hopefully I won't repeat this.
I know what you mean though anni, everyone needs that affermation that a person they really care for loves them, because whats the sense if they don't. I just hope for my self the past won't repeat itself on relationships, and that I'll be single long enough to get the ball rolled to where I want it.
Good luck to you, you seem to be a caring person. And I do agree, sometimes we don't get the hint, some times you have to wave a big orange, red etc... flag and shout it at us to catch our attention enough to get what you mean.
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2004/03/30, 11:18 PM
I'm glad you are taking a step back and trying to understand his position...it gives you more insight and that helps you as well. Maybe you can confront him about how he has been hurt in the past...communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Good luck.:love:
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Quoting from anni313:
jdelts I understand what you are saying and don't think that you are being mean. I really don't want to change him and I think he has been very hurt. I suppose that it should be enough for me that he doesn't freak or go away when I say the "L" word. Today was such a hard day, trying to adjust to being away from him again. I really appreciate everyone listening and being supportive.
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