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tex needs prayers

goodoldtex Posts: 564 Joined: 2004/01/25	2004/04/19, 03:11 AM i'll post more later...just know this has been a really hard time on me and shite has happened...i've been slippin' on my diet and workouts as a result (as well as other ish)...but hopefully i'm gonna get back on the ball....
clt Posts: 107 Joined: 2004/02/13	2004/04/19, 08:23 AM you are in my prayers brother
7707mutt Posts: 7,686 Joined: 2002/06/18	2004/04/19, 08:28 AM Hang in there man! -------------- LIFT HEAVY! BECOME STRONG, LIKE BULL! 7707mutt@freetrainers.com
hecdarec Posts: 2,457 Joined: 2003/12/16	2004/04/19, 08:54 AM Tex hit me up if you need any support man! -------------- My gym dues are not paid with money.
rsquade Posts: 152 Joined: 2003/01/06	2004/04/19, 08:55 AM C'mon Tex, alot of us count on you - you can count us - thank you for asking for prayers.
dfly411 Posts: 1,352 Joined: 2004/03/04	2004/04/19, 09:03 AM God's speed and protection to ya!!
big_j_scf Posts: 308 Joined: 2003/11/08	2004/04/19, 11:36 AM ya got me on your side man. -------------- I have some good news! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Gieco!
burrocfh Posts: 200 Joined: 2004/01/09	2004/04/19, 11:39 AM If I can be of any help, please let me know Tex... I'll keep you in my prayers man
davidov Posts: 95 Joined: 2002/10/24	2004/04/19, 12:16 PM Keep on smiling Tex. You can do it! -------------- Tom
mmaibohm Posts: 1,621 Joined: 2003/09/30	2004/04/19, 12:38 PM Tex I am with you man! The animal stickers are on their way. I posted them friday if nothing more they will remind you that you are an animal also. Now go give show the steel no mercy!! - Mike :dumbbell::dumbbell: -------------- I am that which must be feared, worshipped and adored. The world is mine now and forever.No one holds command over me. No man. No god. I am a beast and that is enough.
Valrash Posts: 155 Joined: 2004/03/16	2004/04/19, 01:32 PM Pump that iron man. Bad times are as they say, TIMES, they come and go. Put your head down and drive thru it dude, I know how you feel man, take one day at a time and push through it. I'll mention you in my prayer's to. Just hang in there, to every cloud there's a silver lining.:dumbbell: -------------- A determined mind is the best weapon in any situation, a strong body is the road to victory. G.R.C.
starbell Posts: 279 Joined: 2002/11/13	2004/04/19, 04:25 PM Prayers and good thoughts for you tex
Carivan Posts: 8,542 Joined: 2002/01/20	2004/04/19, 04:47 PM I'll pull for you Tex. We are all here for you! -------------- "A will finds a way, failure is not an option" Ivan carivan@freetrainers.com Montreal Canada
jplatz Posts: 196 Joined: 2002/10/08	2004/04/19, 05:44 PM Right here with you Tex! -------------- Pain is but a threshold to greater strength.
yadmit Posts: 4,670 Joined: 2003/10/05	2004/04/19, 05:47 PM Rootin' for ya here, too... t -------------- Tim "I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self." Aristotle TimDay@freetrainers.com
goodoldtex Posts: 564 Joined: 2004/01/25	2004/04/20, 01:08 AM Hey everyone, thanks for the prayers and thoughts. Welp, things have been getting quite rocky around my parts. Depression has been at the highest point it has been in 4 years...which is...bad. This might be a little graphic for some, but i'll share anyways. 4 years ago i slit my wrists...it was a dumb decision, but I like others that have been down that road felt it would end my problems. Welp since then i've had a complete change in character and perspective etc, and i would never do it again...but the urge to cut myself came out of nowhere about a week ago and its been plaguing me since. Because of those close to me that i had promised i wouldn't cut myself, i didn't. I went for a walk...and whilst on the walk i disposed of the razor blades i had in my room (used for art work, but i had to rid myself of them). About a month back, i had made a small cut on my left cheek...and i didn't want to do it again. I was tired of lying about these shameful acts. I mean, it was such a release to do it...but i was literally in tears the other night as i sat there thinking about it all again. I felt so low. I felt like i had no where to turn to...and so by the grace of God, i got my head on straight enough to just get out and get some air...and rid myself of temptation. Well as a result of all the damned low feelings, i stopped eating right. I barely made my calorie count most days....if i did at all. If i posted a sample diet from the past bit, everyone might just drop their jaw in wonder that i was able to make it by this past month. Workouts increased in intensity...but food decreased massively. Old cravings for cigarettes came back, and i had one or two, but once again i'm not gonna go back to that. Relations with friends have become slightly faded, and it just seems as if everythings gone to poo around me. And on top of it all, here's the stupidest part. As the depression increased, my lifestyle (sleep cycle) went back to sleeping a lot of the day...as a result of that, ive been forgetting to take my medications...leading to a rollercoaster during the days when it wasn't so low. So for the cliff's notes version: Its been the worst month i've had in 4 years. I've been tempted by old demons that i'm still ashamed of. It just seems as if i can't get outta this slum, and its really bringin' me down. I need to get back on the ball and get on top of my ish, but its rough right now. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers....I guess i just needed somebody to listen to the hell i've been dealin with. But this being the end of school, i gotta just lower my head and push through it all...so hopefully there are better days to come very soon.
mmaibohm Posts: 1,621 Joined: 2003/09/30	2004/04/20, 02:19 AM Keep your head up!! Things will get better and just the fact that you noticed that things were going wrong is good. Stay strong and know that we are all here for you!! Now go hit the weights at least for that 45 minutes to an hour all is good all is in focus a state of one mindedness. Heck envision the weights as your demons. And as you pound out your sets they are being conquered. Good Luck animal. Mike -------------- I am that which must be feared, worshipped and adored. The world is mine now and forever.No one holds command over me. No man. No god. I am a beast and that is enough.
7707mutt Posts: 7,686 Joined: 2002/06/18	2004/04/20, 05:39 AM WOW! I know exactly what you are talking about. No, I did not do the exact things you did, but I have felt that low many times. It is hard to get rid of those things while in school. I remember one time I failed a final, yep a big ol fat F. I was so up set I called home , cried like a baby to my momma. I left my room on my bike and pedaled around, Wound up on a high bridge. Took me hours to get off it. I really wanted to go over to end the darkness that I felt. Tex all I can say is go talk about this to someone. The end of school is a very stressful time for you. Either find a school therapist, a friend, a priest what ever. JUst talk to someone. There are many that have been in your shoes many here on FT. I lost a good friend a 3 years ago cause he did not ask for help. If you would like I will email my phone number....you can call anytime day or night. I do not ever want to hear of someone I know doing that again, even if we never meet that is not something I want to go thru. God bless and please hang in there.:love: -------------- LIFT HEAVY! BECOME STRONG, LIKE BULL! 7707mutt@freetrainers.com
dfly411 Posts: 1,352 Joined: 2004/03/04	2004/04/20, 07:25 AM Tex, have you been to you p-doc? Well, I guess I should really ask first....are you on any meds for the BP? As you know, cutting is a real part of BP and your desires to practice that and the mounting depression is something that you should address with your doctor. If you are on meds, they might can be adjusted to accommidate the more depressive symptoms. Either way...I hope you are soon feeling more balanced and if you think that you could use more "BP specific" support, send me a message and I will give you a great forum to go to, ok? Be well, Julienne:love:
parko03 Posts: 156 Joined: 2004/01/28	2004/04/20, 07:45 AM Dude, if I can make live through sleeping on the floor of a church for a week and being homeless for two months with 3 little girls you can and WILL make it through this. (GIves tex big squeezing hug):love: We are all here. We will all listen. And WE ALL love you.!!!!! -------------- It is no fun to be normal!!!
hecdarec Posts: 2,457 Joined: 2003/12/16	2004/04/20, 07:52 AM Tex let us know if there is anything we can do for you. We all got your back bro. -------------- My gym dues are not paid with money.
asimmer Posts: 8,201 Joined: 2003/01/07	2004/04/20, 09:14 AM Tex - there has to be some counseling available to you, you need to hash out those demons with a pro. Everyone here is supportive of you, will pray for you. Please take care of yourself, and seek out someone who can help you in person. -------------- If you fall down seven times, get up eight.
goodoldtex Posts: 564 Joined: 2004/01/25	2004/04/20, 02:48 PM I do have a phone call coming up soon with my psych about meds etc. But i don't get to see him in person till may 20th or so. I'm actually quite afraid of talking to people here at my school because they are kinda control freaks. If a student says to another they are so pissed that they might cut themself, and that student relays that information, they send out a BCPD squad to go find you...and an ambulance will show up. I'm not joking in the least...it happened a month ago to a girl in my building. I'm afraid if i go to my counselors they'll have me in the infirmary/hospital on watch before i can even say 'damn'. They have been that strict from what i've seen...Thats the main reason i'm afraid to go to anyone in person. That and i don't want to get charged an arm and a leg for a professional outside of my institution when i'm only goign to be here only 4 more weeks. (move out day may 18) Also...none of my 'friends' up here know how to respond if i confide in them with something that heavy. So ima have to wait till im back in Texas for the personal visit it seems, but i have my phonecall in a few days...
dfly411 Posts: 1,352 Joined: 2004/03/04	2004/04/20, 03:18 PM Good, but if you get into crisis before then, please call a hotline or something, there is bound to be one in your area...look it up ahead of time and keep it with you just in case. I understand about your friends, it is hard for others, friend or not, to understand this kind of thing. (Sorry, don't mean to come off as dooms-day-ish, but I want you to be safe Tex, ok?):love:
goodoldtex Posts: 564 Joined: 2004/01/25	2004/04/20, 03:21 PM sure thing
	2004/04/20, 03:47 PM Tex, I exchange IM's with quite a few folks on the board. Most of the time it's just simple updates on what we are doing, how things are going. This is a great group of folks. I never sent one that didn't get answered. While you await your appointment, try IM-ing some folks. There are people who will help. Good luck, prayers with you buddy. -------------- A problem ceases to be such when you can laugh about it. Charlie
davidov Posts: 95 Joined: 2002/10/24	2004/04/20, 04:43 PM Tex, I'm a young (21) University student too. I have a lot of pressure on me as well. It's caused problems with panic attacks and a social phobia that was once quite bad. I always knew that screwing up in school is not the end of my world though. There are tons of things out there man. If you can't handle the stress of school, there are plenty of other things for you. What I do when I feel like that, is watch a movie or something, or read a book. Imagine yourself in a new life, in a new place. Know that if you feel like you want to end your life, you always have an opportunity to change it instead. You can take a different career route, move to a new city or country. Your life should not be black and white, there are plenty of options out there for all of us, although we may not always see them. If something is causing you so much pain, never forget that there are other things out there for you. The world is huge. I hope this helps. Feel free to send me a personal message if you want. -------------- Tom
I_Am-aZon Posts: 893 Joined: 2003/02/18	2004/04/21, 10:10 AM Tex - haven't had much time to read the message boards lately, but damn, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I can't say much that hasn't already been said, but as you may see, there is a helluva lot of really good people on this site and you do have a strong support group here if you need it. Take care and know you are not alone :love::love: *BIG HUG*