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2004/05/12, 10:50 PM
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the
wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr.Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding
Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched
down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you knock it off, I'm trying to take a crap!":angry::angry::angry:
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Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
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2004/05/13, 12:10 AM
:laugh:
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I am that
which must be feared, worshipped and adored. The world is mine
now and forever.No one holds command over me. No man. No god. I am a beast and that is enough.
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2004/05/13, 03:09 PM
LOL:big_smile:, man, that's some good stuff.
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2004/05/13, 03:18 PM
:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
t
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Tim
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self."
Aristotle
TimDay@freetrainers.com
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2004/05/13, 03:51 PM
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then the ship sank.
The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back:
"OK, I give up. Where's the f***ing ship?"
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Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
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2004/05/13, 06:55 PM
A three year old boy in his bath examined his testicles and asked,
"Mommy, are these my brains?"
Mom said, "Not yet, honey."
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Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
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2004/05/14, 11:26 AM
:laugh::big_smile::laugh:
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2004/05/18, 09:29 PM
Why Women Lie
One day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out, The Lord again appeared and asked her, Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord,
I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good, honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
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Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
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2004/05/19, 11:13 AM
I received this yesterday, too funny!
Man goes to the doctor and doctor tells him that if he masturbates before sex, he will last longer. So, he thinks about it and desides he will do that, he thinks where can he do it without anyone knowing. He thinks in the bathroom, but it is too open and some one might come in, he know he can't do it in his office so he thinks I will do it on the way home from work. He drives a little ways and stops and pulls over, gets under the truck and checks the privacy and it looks good, so he unzips his pants and gets after it. While doing it, he shuts his eyes and is thinking about his wife and he is almost done and he feels someone tugging on his pants and not wanting to stop, he keeps his eyes closed and says, yes, can I help you. The voice responds this is the police and what in the hell are you doing? He says I am checking the rear end, it's broke. The cops says while your there, you should check your brakes, your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.
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