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2004/11/01, 09:22 PM
Not sure if this is the proper place, but I need some outside opinions????? My boyfriend and I live 800 miles apart. We love each other very much. My life, and my work is up here. His life and his work are there. I have applied for a transfer, but haven't received one yet. We truly, truly want to be together. He has suggested that I take a leave of absense from my work, to come down and live with him for about 6 months, to make sure that we are compatible,before I leave everything behind.....what's an outsiders opinion????????
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2004/11/01, 11:19 PM
He's the one who wants the trial run, let him move. I would certainly NOT jeopardize my job by leaving it for six months, especially for a man who isn't sure. If he has uncertainty he can move to where you are. I don't mean to be harsh. Are you engaged? He is going to make meaningful contributions to offset your loss of income? Will you have to give up your apartment? At the end of six months if it doesn't work out, will you have the resources to acquire a new apartment if you give yours up? Not to mention the most important question; how do YOU feel about it?
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Anni
*******
Hard work must have killed somebody
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2004/11/02, 09:00 AM
I agree with Annie. If he is really serious he would do the same thing that he is asking you to do.
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I make fun of others to compensate for my low self esteem. It works.
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2004/11/02, 09:46 AM
He owns his own business, involving construction of highways, and new residental areas in and around the most largely populated area of Ontario. I live in a small town, no new highways, or residental areas in NW Ont meaning no work for him up here. The company I work with has more opportunity for me there than here. But I don't know anyone. If it weren't for his business he started it 4 years ago he would be here. Not sure how I feel about trial run, if it doesn't work out I can come back home. But if I transfer and it doesn't work out, I am stuck in a city of 5 million people (100,000 here) not knowing anyone and I couldn't get my job back in my home town once I accept a transfer, its final. As for being engaged no we aren't, we have talked about it, but I need time for that one. We are both divorced already, not rushing into a second marriage anytime soon, if at all. I know we have been going back and forth for a year, and its hard we miss each other terribly. But its also hard leaving my friends, family, small town to go to the big Metropolis. oh and ps my job would not be in jeopardy if i took 6 months off.
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2004/11/03, 11:24 AM
Natalie4162 - outside opinion is easy to find when asked for or not, but what truly is important is what is in your heart as no one can possibly feel exactly what you are feeling. Search deep within, your answer is there, we all have made decisions based upon our hopes and dreams and sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't but we wouldn't know unless we went for it - that is how I got 1200 miles away from all my friends and family; I don't regret it, and there are things I love about my move and things I loathe. But you must be ready to take the risk as that is what it is whenever we "go for it", though the risk can be simplified if we create a plan A and plan B, yet sometimes that isn't possible, as in if you transfer you can't get your job back, but if you can take a 6 month leave and will still have your job, maybe it is worth the risk. Use both brain and heart and whatever you do, don't conciously or subconciously resent him should it be more change than you anticipated as it is ultimately your decision in the end and it is easy to blame another when we aren't happy...
I'm sorry I haven't given you so much an opinion but wanted to let you know that sometimes we are afraid to follow our hearts for fear of losing everything should it be broken - and sometimes we follow our heart blindly and would of been better off waiting it out a bit longer for more certainty...sometimes it seems easier to flip a coin letting another form of fate make our decision, but you seem to be very sensible and trying to pro and con your decision which is good, if you feel he would do the same for you should he be able, then that shows your relationship is fifty-fifty and relationships are about compromise, just don't dive in if you think it is even forty-sixty!!
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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