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A bit of man bashing for the ladies....

dfly411 Posts: 1,352 Joined: 2004/03/04	2005/01/07, 07:55 AM Whether this is humor or truth depends on your individual situation. :big_smile: 1. What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man. 2. Why don't women just stay single? They do, eventually. 3. Why are men like commercials? You can't believe a word they say. 4. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex followed immediately by snoring. 5. What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off. 6. How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are usually nicer. 7. How is a man like the weather? Nothing can be done to change either one of them. 8. What is the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby. 9. Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Coors Lite twins. 10. Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't usually have any. 11. Man to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God to Man: "So you would love her." "But God", Man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God replies: "So she would love you." 12. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. I think this is the proof that women are the smarter sex. 13. Single women complain that all good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man. 14. Why are men like popcorn? They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 15. Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why. 16. Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay. 17. Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars? At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or 10,000 miles, whichever came first. 18. Why are men like politicians? They had rather be dead than to tell the truth or admit they were wrong. 19. When you casually ask a man what they are thinking about and they say "nothing"...what are they really thinking about? Nothing. 20. What DO men think about the majority of the time? Themselves-Sex-Nothing-Themselves-Sports-Nothing-Themselves (in that order) -------------- Julienne A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
xxrajxx Posts: 423 Joined: 2004/08/12	2005/01/07, 08:07 AM :cool: partial true :cool: :laugh::laugh::laugh: needed that today, am dead bored in my job
hecdarec Posts: 2,457 Joined: 2003/12/16	2005/01/07, 08:44 AM I dont get it -------------- I am from Philadelphia, for all the people who keep posting the infamous where are you from thread.
xxrajxx Posts: 423 Joined: 2004/08/12	2005/01/07, 10:56 AM its no fun to explain a joke :big_smile:
Vedakathryn Posts: 1,585 Joined: 2004/05/28	2005/01/07, 12:26 PM Needed that! Husband is in court right now due to his impatient decision to ride his then uninsured motorcycle to work ("it was just once" *whine, whine*) instead of taking his insured car and then decided to speed and get pulled over and ticketed for speeding AND no insurance, which is going to be a whopper of a fine and court costs. I am wondering if he will be home at all as usually his thing is to ditch out for a few days rather than face the reality of his life and his choices...so it was nice to read this cheery post on other "deformities" men have, lol! *just kidding guys*!! -------------- Veda MISERY IS OPTIONAL ***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged. ***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan. HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Reddy Posts: 597 Joined: 2003/09/11	2005/01/07, 03:37 PM *giggles* too bad that is so true -------------- Reddy All people smile in the same language
Vedakathryn Posts: 1,585 Joined: 2004/05/28	2005/01/07, 03:39 PM ...update...he has to go to driving school and update his insurance on the bike, not bad, so I'll guess he'll stick around for a bit, lol! -------------- Veda MISERY IS OPTIONAL ***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged. ***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan. HAVE A GREAT DAY!
	2005/01/07, 03:40 PM I hate myself for being a man. -------------- Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder where have I gone wrong? Then I hear a voice say this is gonna take longer than one night. Charlie
Pritchard Posts: 1,212 Joined: 2004/03/02	2005/01/09, 12:24 PM we all hate you charlie, do beat yourself up about it. -------------- voted number 1 in a recent poll. A.D.F.
sivysivy Posts: 391 Joined: 2005/02/11	2005/03/13, 11:04 PM Funny!!!
maniac74 Posts: 39 Joined: 2005/04/30	2005/05/01, 03:08 PM not that funny... arent men proven to be more intelligent though? in England recently we got some news in the papers bout new scientific evidence, and apparently mens brains are faster than women's and men are actually better drivers - scientifically proven. :laugh:
princesslodgey Posts: 1,748 Joined: 2004/02/21	2005/05/02, 05:23 AM Yes dear, but we get to have breasts and multiple orgasms. You lose.:laugh:
Siirous Posts: 21 Joined: 2005/03/24	2005/05/02, 05:49 AM Now I don't know if my brain is actually faster, but I do know that I can't multitask to save my life. My girlfriend can multitask incredibly well, and can't understand why it's impossible for me to type and talk to her at the the same time. If my brain is thinking fast, it's usually too fast; I'll mix up words in my sentences and it makes me sound flustered or drunk. As far as breasts go: I think they'd get in my way a lot. As far as orgasms go: ...is there a need to rub it in?:cool::laugh:
sstump1 Posts: 1,227 Joined: 2005/03/20	2005/05/02, 11:33 AM ============ Quoting from princesslodgey: Yes dear, but we get to have breasts and multiple orgasms. You lose.:laugh: ============= Like Siir...breasts would get in my way. As per the multiple orgasms...that would interrupt my sleep.:laugh:
sandysford Posts: 1,139 Joined: 2002/11/18	2005/05/02, 01:30 PM THE PERFECT HUSBAND > > Several men are in the locker room of a golf club... > > A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the > > hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. > > > Everyone else in the room stops to listen. > > MAN: "Hello"... > > WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club.?" > > MAN: "Yes" > > WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this > > beautiful leather coat...It's only $1,000... Is it > > OK if I buy it...?" > > MAN: "Sure. Go ahead if you like it that much"... > > WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership > > and saw the new 2004 models ... I saw one I really liked"... > > MAN: "How much...?" > > WOMAN: "$60,000" > > MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the > > options" > > WOMAN: "Great..! Oh, and one more thing... the > > house we wanted last year is back on the market... > > They're asking $950,000" > > MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, > > but just offer $900,000." > > WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later... I love you...!" > > MAN: "Bye, I love you, too" > > The man hangs up... The other men in the locker room > > are looking at him in astonishment... > > Then he asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is...?" -------------- THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
sstump1 Posts: 1,227 Joined: 2005/03/20	2005/05/02, 01:36 PM :laugh::laugh::laugh: Good one!
sandysford Posts: 1,139 Joined: 2002/11/18	2005/05/02, 02:45 PM Because we are all such good friends here I am going to let you in on a little secret (((((Whisper))))) LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS:big_smile: -------------- THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
RandomGirl Posts: 227 Joined: 2005/02/25	2005/05/02, 03:15 PM that's good advice sandysford!
maniac74 Posts: 39 Joined: 2005/04/30	2005/05/06, 01:26 PM er...to princess lodgey a couple of posts ago...u have breasts...yeah which may get in ur way and big ones make u look like sluts...and as for the multiple orgasms...how are u gonna get em when a man cant give u anymore? basically...ur only counterargument against mine is women get to be sluts....what kind of argument is that:laugh:
	2005/05/06, 01:53 PM Maniac, you better go get a big bucket. You'll need somthing to catch your head when the princess finishes with you. Really smooth calling all women everywhere sluts too. -------------- Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!!!!!! Charlie
sandysford Posts: 1,139 Joined: 2002/11/18	2005/05/06, 02:23 PM MMMMMMMMMMMMM get um girls :angry: -------------- THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
sandysford Posts: 1,139 Joined: 2002/11/18	2005/05/06, 02:26 PM Now let me be the first, I am not a slut, so don't even go there, nor any other nasty name you can come up with. I am a good attentive wife (a good one at that Ask BB1fit) And with Mothers day coming up sunday, Let me tell you, They never forget me. You sir are a As- Hole in the true sense of the word. Calling all the women of the world sluts, You could only wish for this in your wildest dreams. So go find a tiolet somewhere and flush your head down it. -------------- THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
sandysford Posts: 1,139 Joined: 2002/11/18	2005/05/06, 02:31 PM One entry found for slut. Main Entry: slut Pronunciation: 'sl&t Function: noun Etymology: Middle English slutte 1 chiefly British : a slovenly woman 2 a : a promiscuous woman; especially : PROSTITUTE b : a saucy girl : MINX Now girls how many of you fit this description? I myself DONOT sell my wares>>>>>>>>>>>:laugh: -------------- THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
	2005/05/06, 02:36 PM yippieyiyokyyay ...ride'em Sandy. -------------- Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!!!!!! Charlie
sandysford Posts: 1,139 Joined: 2002/11/18	2005/05/06, 02:42 PM Charlie for once you have stepped out of the corral, good for you. -------------- THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
	2005/05/06, 02:49 PM Glad to be of service mam...not that you ladies need any help. I'm just gonna pull up my lawn chair and watch the fireworks here and in the supplement board. I think erebus and maniac are about to have a bad day. -------------- Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!!!!!! Charlie
sbroyhill Posts: 442 Joined: 2005/04/06	2005/05/06, 04:15 PM I am gonna pull up next to you charlie... I will bring the drinks for the show you bringin the food? -------------- :Hard work equals great results!:
	2005/05/06, 04:18 PM Oh yeah bro, sunblock and protein bars. We're set. -------------- Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!!!!!! Charlie
sbroyhill Posts: 442 Joined: 2005/04/06	2005/05/06, 04:31 PM Don't forget your sunglasses the fireworks may get a little bright for the eyes as times..... :) -------------- :Hard work equals great results!:
	2005/05/06, 04:34 PM I have a welders mask just in case Annie sees it. -------------- Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!!!!!! Charlie
sbroyhill Posts: 442 Joined: 2005/04/06	2005/05/06, 04:39 PM Got an extra mask I can borrow? I don't think my glasses are dark enough..... -------------- :Hard work equals great results!:
princesslodgey Posts: 1,748 Joined: 2004/02/21	2005/05/07, 06:01 AM Sorry, you've outwitted me there. Oscar Wilde, watch out! ============ Quoting from maniac74: er...to princess lodgey a couple of posts ago...u have breasts...yeah which may get in ur way and big ones make u look like sluts...and as for the multiple orgasms...how are u gonna get em when a man cant give u anymore? basically...ur only counterargument against mine is women get to be sluts....what kind of argument is that:laugh: =============
Koi_Saisei Posts: 70 Joined: 2005/03/11	2005/05/07, 08:05 AM Stereotypes, but funny :)
thosecrazysims Posts: 157 Joined: 2003/09/22	2005/05/07, 08:04 PM First of it was just for fun, but hey you wanna be an A** about, thats fine with me. Just remember if you ever wanna have a girl in your bed make sure she cannot hear the crap that comes out of your mouth. ============ Quoting from maniac74: er...to princess lodgey a couple of posts ago...u have breasts...yeah which may get in ur way and big ones make u look like sluts...and as for the multiple orgasms...how are u gonna get em when a man cant give u anymore? basically...ur only counterargument against mine is women get to be sluts....what kind of argument is that:laugh: =============
sbroyhill Posts: 442 Joined: 2005/04/06	2005/05/07, 08:20 PM Aren't all these fireworks pretty? :big_smile: :big_smile: :big_smile: :laugh: Glad I got a good front row seat to the show :) -------------- :Hard work equals great results!:
maniac74 Posts: 39 Joined: 2005/04/30	2005/05/08, 08:27 AM hahaha...its alright loricsims i get plenty of ladies in my bed, even though "i dont love them hoes" heres a bit of woman bashin for the men...would post it in the mens forum but postin it here might give a better firworks display for charlie.. Woman Bashing Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men? A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. Q: How do you fix a women's watch? A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven. Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do? A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure. Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first? A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in. Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A: A women who won't do what she's told. Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? A: Divorced.
burninghot Posts: 36 Joined: 2005/05/07	2005/05/08, 09:42 AM lol
Anni313 Posts: 1,790 Joined: 2004/03/04	2005/05/08, 09:50 AM Women who strive to be equal to men have no ambition. -------------- Anni ******* In my head, I am out of my mind....
sbroyhill Posts: 442 Joined: 2005/04/06	2005/05/08, 01:21 PM I should start preparing for a long finale to our fireworks display, it looks like it may possibly get even better and brighter after maniacs last post! :big_smile::laugh: -------------- :Hard work equals great results!:
sandysford Posts: 1,139 Joined: 2002/11/18	2005/05/08, 05:55 PM maniac74 All is fair with your post, thought some of it was funny too. A Joke is a joke and should be taken in a humorous manner, No harm done right:laugh: Name calling and the word slut alone :angry: was very uncalled for, and for you other guys "glad your enjoying the show" -------------- THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
thosecrazysims Posts: 157 Joined: 2003/09/22	2005/05/08, 05:55 PM Oh no you didn't. lol, my husband loved those. Thanks for the Laugh. -------------- There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Dale Carnegie 1888-1955, American Author, Trainer \\"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.\\" Jim Rohn
maniac74 Posts: 39 Joined: 2005/04/30	2005/05/08, 06:41 PM ....sbroyhill guess no long finale for you...ladies took that pretty well...oh well i guess we're even now:angry: lol p.s glad ur husband liked em loric
	2005/05/08, 06:41 PM so now maybe some blond jokes?:big_smile: -------------- Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!!!!!! Charlie
sbroyhill Posts: 442 Joined: 2005/04/06	2005/05/08, 06:54 PM I know a few blond jokes.... you want to here them? :) -------------- :Hard work equals great results!:
sbroyhill Posts: 442 Joined: 2005/04/06	2005/05/08, 06:54 PM Too bad the finale was a fizzle though :( -------------- :Hard work equals great results!:
	2005/05/08, 06:55 PM Do a fit buddy search. I think intruder told the best ones. -------------- Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!!!!!! Charlie
Anni313 Posts: 1,790 Joined: 2004/03/04	2005/05/08, 07:19 PM Fear not sbroyhill, and remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. -------------- Anni ******* In my head, I am out of my mind....
	2005/05/08, 07:28 PM You're such a klingon Anni!!! -------------- I\'ve bought a boat I\'m goin out to sea...Lyle Lovitte Charlie
fastpacenation Posts: 44 Joined: 2003/12/04	2005/05/18, 11:26 AM Relationship Advice for women by men Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me. A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from this being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old university roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him. A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's great time to clean the house too!). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband doesn't know where my G-Spot is. A: Your G-Spot is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal. Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay. A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should, he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal. Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one. A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
DX14AG Posts: 1,055 Joined: 2004/07/22	2005/05/18, 09:18 PM LOL!