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2005/07/28, 12:56 AM
Damn, I hate to ask this but I guess I will.
I'm an attractive woman married 1 yr ago to a very good looking guy (together for 5 yrs prior). He is 6'4", 210 w/ body of Addonis, extremely masculine, face of a model, intelligent, ambitious, popular, great family guy, amazing communicator (I know, rare!) - he's a friggin catch. So completely safe. Never in a million years would think he'd cheat on me. Any and everyone tells me all the time what a catch he is and how good we look together and how in love with me he is.
But I'm finding myself w/ wandering eyes lately. Big time. Wanting to go flirt my ass off with hotties in the sexiest/littlest outfit I can find. I am so damn lucky to be with him, I really do feel like we're such a great pair, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to mess up what we have, but I so am needing to feel sexy ... wanted. And I suppose I don't.
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2005/07/28, 05:20 AM
Some people have problems with intimacy...so when things get serious ....they tend to sabotage their relationships...as you're considering of doing right now....you can explore the reasons behind it by talking to a marriage counselor or a psychiatrist...
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2005/07/28, 09:32 AM
There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel sexy, innocent flirting and "enjoying the scenery"...as long as it all remains innocent-except with your husband of course! It's all about feeling good about yourself. However, if you feel like your wanting to go beyond the innocent stage, then you should talk to a professional.
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Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
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2005/07/28, 09:53 AM
tell you husband you need more attention - he needs to spice things up a bit, and maybe you should look into the counseling...
You say how in love with you he is - are you in love with him/ or just with him because 'he is a great catch'?
If the chemistry isn't there...
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Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.
Benjamin Disraeli
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2005/07/28, 01:17 PM
A confident humorous guy always gets a girl's attention more than a weak attention giving good looking guy.
ask yourself these questions and they might lead you to the real reasoning for your actions.
Do you think you deserve your husband?
Do you think you are on the same level looks wise?
Does your husband pay any attention to you?
Does he pay too much attention to you, and not have a life of his own?
Is he too easy to control and you get your way all the time?
Are you just staying with him because you know other women want him?
Do you feel like you are in a rut either intimately or in life?
Do you have your own personal goals activities, and life?
Are you in a different stage of life? (ie wanting children)
Is your husband too predictable?
Do you want to see if the grass is greener somewhere else?
Do you like SHORT FAT GUYS? :)
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2005/07/28, 02:21 PM
If you really don't want to mess up what you have then why are you even asking this question right now?
Be grateful for what you have. Tell your husband how you are feeling, let him know exactly what you are saying to us right here in this thread. It may hurt him at first, but after the initial soreness goes away you BOTH can work together to find ways to change your feelings.
Everyone goes through these feelings, if they don't something is wrong with them. But communication and honesty goes a hell of a long way.
Just my five cents. :big_smile:
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/07/28, 03:49 PM
raven gets to put in 5 whole cents that just isn't fair. :)
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2005/07/28, 04:43 PM
are you flirting with me gangster??
I can put five cents in, because, because...
I can! So there :big_smile:
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/07/28, 05:48 PM
I am always amazed at how much time/insight the people here provide and I thank you. Glad I can voice it here. Very glad.
Amazingly great questions, GS - thanks for taking the time to respond. I'm definitley going to take some time thinking about some of those. It's a very safe relationship and maybe that's a good deal of it. I'm with him because he's good to me, we've been like best friends for a long time, and we're both ambitious. He is a good person. That's part of the perplexing part - what makes me feel so god-awful about myself. I have a good life, no big highs or lows with him. Why am I feeling this way? He is and always will be a stabilizing personality. He thinks things thru; is very logical. Helps me think through a lot of my emotional reactivity. One of the most confident (not cocky) grounded guys I know.
When I've talked to him about needing more attention (I've said "if I can't get it here, I'll get it elsewhere" in a joking way), he clams up and that's the only time he reacts emotionally - when it involves me not getting what I need from him in that way. He gets hurt in ways I never see him get hurt in public. And he shuts up and broods but can't talk about it. Everything else we can talk about just fine.
But I did sit last night and think about it in bed. Walking thru in my mind what I was wanting and the consequences of doing anything like that (even minor flirting). He would be so angry and upset. And cheating, he'd freak out. As I would if I were him and the tides were turned.
.. I'll think on it some more.
Sincere thanks again, cause this wasn't a question I just wanted to say to hear myself speak outloud.
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2005/07/28, 08:34 PM
man of steel, don't you ever have anything positive to say? She asked for advice and we all have given it.
End of story...
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/07/28, 08:56 PM
nobody is telling her what to do, they are giving suggestions, just as I am and you are. Let's not turn this into a piss match.
anonomem, i apologize if I seemed to be telling you what to do.
I will say that I admire your courage for bringing up a subject like this. It's touchy and there are many viewpoints. I wish you luck with you and your husband. Seems like the 2 of u make a good pair and just need to work some things through is all.
:big_smile:
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/07/29, 01:16 PM
raven, how dare you accuse me of flirting with a girl on the web...... NEVER!!!! :)
anonmem, of course I have good questions..... geez did you have any doubt.... Everyone wants a challenge and he isn't one anymore. That's ok though you made a really good friend here on ft named Gangster. :)
BTW, I'm still trying to picture man_of_steel and raven having a pissing match. LMAO!!!!
have a good weekend everyone.
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2005/07/29, 09:33 PM
I wouldnt look pretty gangster cause I always win, I use every bit of my 5'4" body to make sure I do..lol. Just ask my wolf if he ever gets his butt back on here...lol
Spoiled, you ask? Why yes I am dammit!
Stubborn, you ask? Just enough to make it what did you say, "challenging"!
Feisty???? Just a little bit...hehe :big_smile:
They were very, very good questions though, you get props for that one.
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/08/01, 02:04 PM
Anonmem,
Hey - jope things are sorting themselves out in your world. I just wanted to say that I know where you're coming from. You really have to do some soul searching. I wonder if you, like me, were in a lot of relationships before the one you're in now. When dating a lot of different people you maintain a certain level of challenge, excitement and "newnes" (if that's even a word). Sometimes when we go from that mind frame to the "Wow! I've found one I want to keep!" there can be a little self doubt later on. There is a serious physical element that we often shy away from. I know that over time that spark seems to fade a little. Don't get me wrong, I don't love my husband any less, it's just that things begin to become routine. There are things you can do to spice things up. And I can fully understand what you mean about wanting to feel sexy and flirt a little. Although there may be a myriad of reasons for feeling the way you're feeling - make sure you don't jump ship only in time to regret it. On the other hand - you don't want to stick in a relationship if you aren't happy.
Feel free to drop me a private message if you like. I'm always open for a chat.
Cheers and good luck.
Be true to you.
Erika.
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2005/08/01, 02:07 PM
Oops!
That was suposed to be "hope", not "jope"!
Also suposed to be "newness" not "newnes"!
Sheesh! Just another embarassing example of what can happen when the mind goes faster than the fingers!
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2005/08/05, 06:44 AM
I understand.. but it is wrong..
I revently had the wandering eye also when I met a younger man the is completely nuts over me and says all the things I want to hear.. not to mention.. he adores me and wants to spend time with me even though I am married. He think sif I could like hime enough I will leave my guy to move away with him! Sounds crazy I know.. but the feeling that gives me .. I can't explain other than I FEEL ALIVE.
I love those "butterfly" feelings when you meet someone special or exciting..but, the more I analyze it.. NO WAY would I give up what I have to take a chance like that.. no way. Lisa
Follow your heart and be true to yourself.
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If you are tired of your life, your body, yourSELF.. CHANGE IT!
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2005/08/05, 06:45 AM
pardon the miss spells.. I type too fast and forget to check it!:big_smile:
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2005/08/05, 03:50 PM
you just liked having the younger man's attention vadwear.... :) Was he the pool boy? You can tell me the truth......
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2005/08/05, 10:47 PM
lmao @ gangster...you are funny guy! lol! That was good.
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/08/13, 07:25 PM
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Quoting from ravenbeauty:
lmao @ gangster...you are funny guy! lol! That was good.
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ohhhhh! im telling ravenwolf!
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