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2005/11/07, 03:37 PM
Everything happens for a reason, and no matter what you just have to keep steaming forward and consider the negatives in your life as lessons learned. Everytime you get depressed about how bad your life seems, think about the children in the hospital, and how much better you have it in comparision to them. It really makes me look at things completely different when I'm having a bad time in my life. good luck girl.
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2005/11/07, 03:54 PM
No matter what, when we are walking through a hard situation it feels like we are never gonna come out on the other side, but we do. When I went through the separetion/divorce I re-married and again we seperated. Today I play apart in my own life. I had to look at me and realize where had I'd been selfish, afraid , dishonest and resentful. Once I could identify with those issues I began to become accountable. Then I had to ask myself did I owe my partner an amends, which I did and today we have been married for 13 year. Today when there is a problem it usually is my own perspective that is twisted and I have to look within to find my truth. Hang in there and use this for a period of self reflection and growth, Ultimatly, we have to turn it over and realize we can only treat others the we way we would want to be treated and vice-versa.
Best wishes,
Dendy
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2005/11/07, 07:37 PM
thanks everyone for the good suggestions and some alternatives to take. What I really want to know menace is how did you know i've always wanted to do Photography??? lol!! You were right on there guy, thanks. :)
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Bettia.... You will only be remembered for the things that you finish, not the things that you start!
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/11/07, 09:51 PM
i can read minds Bettia :)
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2005/11/08, 01:02 AM
Thanks Leo
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Bettia.... You will only be remembered for the things that you finish, not the things that you start!
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/11/08, 01:08 AM
On an upnote, I did schedule to see my doctor, although i have dealt with Ravenwolf and depression for a good couple of years now, i've gotten to experience the actual effects it takes on a person who goes on antidepressants and it isn't a pretty picture at all. I'd like to think that I have a strong enough mind to get through this, unfortunately I got through it once, I can get through it again, right? Anyways, I still contacted my doctor to see if I should go to individual counseling or what have you, plus I am consulting for the bebes at home, it is rough on them severely.
I made myself get up early and do my routine and i have to say that helped out tremendously.
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Bettia.... You will only be remembered for the things that you finish, not the things that you start!
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/11/08, 03:11 AM
Being a strong person is one thing but dealing with a serious condition is another. Antideppresents definitely have some nasty sideeffects....depending on the drug...but then again you don't need to take them for the rest of your life...sometimes even 6 months helps quite a bit during a time of great turmoil....counseling might be very helpful, esp if u decide to go without meds....good luck with everything...and I know u'll get through it Bettia...
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2005/11/08, 08:48 AM
I'd resist the drugs until it's a last resort personally, but to each their own. Doctors will prescribe them at the drop of a hat anymore, which I just find to be really scary for some reason.
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2005/11/08, 05:37 PM
gangster but for her it's bordering on clinical depression...she said she's been fighting this for couple of years now....so there's nothing wrong with drugs like Zoloft....I used to remember my mom always picking stupid fights with my dad and me, being depressed way too much, crying often randomly...etc...after she started taking the drugs she got much mroe level headed...like night and day....although i suspect my mom has some serious bipolar tendencies...albeit a few sideeffects of some bad choices for the drugs(she had to switch cuz one of the drugs made her sleep days on end)...now she's fine and dandy...still on them...and gets through the days just fine...I think Bettia should definitely give them a thought....everyone makes their own choices and she could take a multitude of routes towards overcoming her difficulties...but I think this is one of the proven routes...
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2005/11/09, 01:04 AM
oh no, menace, i have miscommunicated this, i myself haven't been battling it, it was my hubby Ravenwolf. I was speaking as the person on the outside looking in persay. I watched him over the last two years through this, although he has had for sometime longer than that, it only surfaced it's ugly head during that time. I am just sad right now because of our separation, which is one of the results of his depression amongst other things. I just didn't know what to do for myself as I have always been a pretty level headed person and did not let things get to me that often throughout life. Well, this got to me definitely, right to the heart.
Menace, thank you so much for being such a supporter, your words are very consoling and I always am anxious to hear what comes out of you next. And you are right, Ravenwolf has been on medication the last six months which made a tremendous amount of difference even though it didn't solve the marriage problems, i can tell it has helped him look at himself in a better light.
Thanks much!!!!!
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Bettia.... You will only be remembered for the things that you finish, not the things that you start!
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/11/09, 04:25 AM
lol bettia....yea I definitely misunderstood what you were saying...
yea the problem with having to go through someone else's depression is that it leaves a deep imprint on you as well...it takes a huge toll on you....having to witness/be a part of it...even a strong person can begin to crack eventually....afterall we're only human...but counseling is definitely a good idea...having that face to face talk with someone knowledgeable who helped others deal with similar problems can be of great assistance....don't worry it seems terrible now...but you'll overcome it.....all you need is time....time heals all....:)
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2005/11/09, 08:52 AM
I too know about depression. It is hard for the other in the marriage to fully understand what it is like to live with it. RB has the marriage totaly failed or is it able to be saved? I know doug has had problems like I have. Is his depression the only or main reason for the problems? I know that you need to go talk to someone impartial as does Doug. I am here for you!
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Less Talk, More Chalk!
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2005/11/09, 09:32 AM
I agree with you menace about drugs being needed for extreme cases, however I don't agree that someone should need these drugs long term to deal with life. Much like I don't support an alcoholic drinking to get through life. It's all about perspective of course however I'm shocked at how easily drugs are prescribed in today's times. Either way, good luck to you RB, and I wish you the best.
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2005/11/09, 02:28 PM
Bettia, I just wanted to add that I am thinking of you.
I don't have any advice about saving marriages - I am going through a divorce just now myself.
I think that antidepressants are like a lot of drugs - they are prescribed too often - like antibiotics are taken for the slightest infection when they're not needed at all. But, also like antibiotics, sometimes they really are needed and in those cases they can be lifesavers.
Anyway, I digress. Good luck with things, however it turns out, and if you want to IM me feel free. Take care.
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2005/11/09, 05:32 PM
Hope thing are looking up
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2005/11/06, 06:36 PM
I was contemplating on even writing on here, but I have no outlet and my FT family has always been there through my ups and downs. Those of you who know me, as I've known you, life has been pretty rough the past couple of years. Ravenwolf and separated and no matter what I do, I can't get rid of this painful ache in my heart that my whole world has been shattered due to both of our negligences to our relationship.
We had opted for divorce initially, but all the history, all the life we've both invested in each other seems cheated if we were to sign a paper and end it all without us giving 100% chance for reconciliation. Although it is just a separation for the time being to see if counseling will heal some of the deep wounds that have been cut, it still feels like i've lost my other half...
I am at a loss as to what to do, i find myself crying on a whim, at work, at home, in the car, in the friggen grocery store. And if anyone knows me, they know i am just not a crier, never have been.
If anyone can suggest any outlets they've used during a troubled marriage, I am ALL EARS AND EYES. Please.
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Bettia.... You will only be remembered for the things that you finish, not the things that you start!
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/11/06, 08:19 PM
I'm sure you don't want advice from an idiot so I'll offer none. I'm sorry you guys are having a hard time.Y'all will be in my prayers.
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Sometimes life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2005/11/07, 12:18 AM
I wish I had good advice to offer. I am sorry for what you are going through. I have heard that exercise can help release emotional stress, Im sure you are already trying that one. Volunteer work is sometimes good to get your mind off your own troubles, and help others. Do you have any girlfriends you can set dates with to go for walks, or watch movies or to just get out of the house with to do something uplifting.
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2005/11/07, 03:21 AM
I am sorry you're going through this...
during such times it may be a good idea to invest yourself in other activities to get your mind of your troubles....
exercise is an excellent way to to relieve stress....start running....run for longer distances.....continue to lift weights hard...
start a new hobby....is there something you always wanted to try? do? see? well do it now...really get into it...say photography......or french cuisine cooking...etc...it will help to develop yourself, take your mind of your marriage, and allow you to have some fun....
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2005/11/07, 03:23 AM
also consider seeing a psychologist....my mom was depressed for a long time and was going through similar symptons....antidepressents help tremendously.....so really speak with your doc about it...it will help keep you leveled....
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2005/11/07, 08:01 AM
Exercising your body will produce some effective stress relief and taking on a new hobby will give you an outlet to keep your mind in other places, but unfortunately, neither does much for a heart that is broken.
So, I will say that I agree with Menace's second post much more that the first. The way I see it, you are either going to have to sort through the problems that put you here in the first place or you are going to have to sort through the healing process and grasp the dawning of a new life without your partner. Both, are going to be the hardest tasks you will ever undertake.
I feel your pain Ravenbeauty...I will keep you in my thoughts.
Julienne
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A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
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