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2006/01/01, 07:50 AM
Dude calm down! Before you jump on the bipolar wagon becasue your woman works at a doctors office and you read some symptoms online ( this actually causes you to "get them" so to speak), go to a DOCTOR that specializes in mental illness. While you could very well have it it is a hard one to diagnose. I know as my mother has it but took 20 + years for the docs to get it right. A lot of us here have depression to one degree or another here. PLease PLease call Monday and get an appointment right away!
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Less Talk, More Chalk!
The Men and Boys are Separated by one thing: The Squat Cage!
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2006/01/01, 12:06 AM
I am facing a very real truth. I have had problems all my life and never faced the possibility I may have a bipolar disorder. I can't ignore it any longer, it is literally consuming me.
I've always told myself I didn't have a problem and that I was just a loser that had some good moments. that attitude won't work any longer. Every job and relationship I've ever had is great at first, I accell well beyond most people...but then it starts to fall apart and continues to until it is completely destroyed.
I could sit here and make excuses for why I think this happens but it would just be that...excuses.
I've never been really happy, I might think I am but it's always just temporary, something else is literally running my life and I believe it's bipolar.
What makes it so different this time is I am about to lose somebody who means the world to me, more than anyone else I've been with, including my ex-wife. Her moving out is what made me research bipolar, she works in a doctors office and has told me before she thought I may have it but I never wanted to hear I had the problem.
We always struggled for why we had such great highs and such devastating lows and never seemed to know why. While reading up on bipolar I just sat there and got chills, I know this is what I got and even think she may have alot of the same symptoms, this crushes me because its gotten to the point where she is throwing in the towell and a very caring,loving relationship is being trashed.
It's like being in a boat on the ocean and being able to see land but the current keeps dragging you furhther out, it keeps getting further and further away and you can't do anything about it, it's terrible.
I'm stuck now knowing I have yet lost not only something else to this horrible disorder, but the woman I feel from my heart is the one I want to be with forever. The thought of losing her to this just makes me numb.
I'm trying to stay focused because I know now I at least have hope for the what's left of my life because I have recognized what I know is wrong and am very much looking forward to one day leading a normal life that doesn't all of a sudden fall apart around me while I watch helplessly.
I have three beautiful kids that are going to benefit greatly from it too. My kids love me to death and they also deserve better. Don't get me wrong I don't abuse my kids, I love em to pieces but they suffer just like everyone else around me does I know.
This is a terrible disorder that take it from me, if you don't get treatment it will consume you. I always thought I'm strong enough mentally to handle anything...thats a fool talkin, whatever I have is beyond my control and I'm getting treated for it.
I just want as much feedback from anyone who has experience with this as I can get. From what different types of medications work best for people, including side effects, to how there day to day life is with the disorder. I want to hear success stories, people who are now living normal full productive lives due to confronting it and getting treated.
More than anything just need to hear someone say that there's hope because I think I'm cycling again and have just come off a severe manic episode and now heading for severe depression.
Just want to have a normal life for once, after 38 yrs I am just getting worse.
Thanks or listening.
Mojo (John)
P.S. Happy New Year everybody.
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2006/01/01, 12:39 PM
Reading your opening few lines, I am thinking, so what is abnormal about this? We all start everything with a high, it is wonderful, then crashes down into reality.
I believe you have someone telling you this(don't care if she works in a doctors office). This is what many folks do who end a relationship, put things off on the other person.
What they don't realize is when they go to the extent she is, she could be doing some permanent and devasting damage to someone who is actually perfectly normal.
YOu will in fact take on those traits unconciously and let them manifest.
Pick yourself up, love yourself and your life, your kids. Someone will come along that will be there for you. but love of yourself is first and foremost.
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Strength and Honor!
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2006/01/01, 10:00 PM
Thank you very much guys for an outside opinion. I may be making more of this than it actually is. In my present condition though it's easy to do, I have no car, no job and living with my parents, not to mention having three kids I have custody of and currently have no income, including child support, its all pretty overwhelming in itself and not having a vehicle now leaves me at home all day and night to dwell on negative thoughts,
I know I'm not a bad person and have a lot of good qualities but I believe I have lost love for myself and would continue if it hadn't been pointed out.
I'm going to start trying to take better care of myself, I mean I should have seen this but couldn't. It's obvious though, I've lost weight and its muscle that I've lost not fat, and I knew this, but instead of seeing what I needed to do I just feel worse for myself. I'm getting off the self-pity boat tonight and start remembering what makes me happy to be me.
Anyone else who has more input on this can expect me to read and appreciate every word.
I've got two responses and both were things I didn't see.
Mutt, thank you very much for your post, I am going to see someone this week and I will calm down.
BB1, thank you too, you always seem to know just what to say, not gonna get sappy but, thanks again.
Gonna go for a little walk now, get some fresh air and start the healing process, I'll be back later and will keep checking this post, just wanna say thanks again to anyone that takes time to post on this thread to help someone they don't even know, thank you.
Mojo
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2006/01/01, 11:41 PM
hi Mojo,
I read this post and my heart went out to you. I am in a similar situation andmy family has often told me that they think I'm bipolar. I can tell you from experience that the more you think about this that the worse it will get. Even when you think about how to makeit better you are actually making it worse. You can't give this thought process ANY energy. If you aren't bipolar your mind will develop bipolar tendencies because you will start to expect it from yourself. You have to put other thoughts in your mind. The brain is remarkable. You literally become what you think about. So focusyour mind on the positive. I got severly low the last time and it wasn't doctors or medication that brought me out of it. I decidedI didn't want to just exist, I wanted to LIVE. I focused all my energy on getting better. Focus on yourself inside and out. I like to track my progress through pictures of my body and journalling my progress. This will also help you learn what triggers your mood swings. Any goals outside of this disease will help. Remember that you have the strength inside you to overcome anything and that this will just make you even stronger. i'm sorry if I seem like I'm rambling but I wish you the best and remember to keep your head up and you will be fine.
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2006/01/02, 03:28 AM
Thanks alot shana.
I gotta tell ya, what you had to say made me feel alot better. I can tell I'm close to feeling stable again where rational thought can be found. The feedback I've gotten here is whats gotten me over the hump this time. It's not the first and may not be the last but lets hope so.
Every time I've ever been down I've pulled myself back to my feet, and I do get stronger. Believe me, I have the character to back that statement up.
I just can't believe the state I let myself get into sometimes. All the advice I've gotten so far has definitly made me re-think what I'm doin here, I'm gonna start believing in myself more and step-up like I have in the past rather than sit and sulk. It just seems so much worse this time that I've abandoned my most basic survival skills. From bb1 "love of yourself is first and foremost". I gotta get back on track.
I'm still going to someone about this but I'm gonna quit thinking like I have been. Maybe I got it, maybe I don't, maybe I got something else and maybe I got nothing, we'll see. I'm in a real bad way right now, getting drug thru the gutter by someone that I care about a whole lot and I'm getting just a little bit overwhelmed. I'm gonna relax, get a professional opinion and make the best of it. Now if I can just figure out how to get to sleep I'll be even better.
And by the way you weren't rambling...you made a big difference, thanks.
Mojo
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2006/01/03, 10:17 AM
John I wish you the best man. The only thing I can offer is what I do to lift me up when I feel like it's just another day.
go for a walk or run
lift heavy or play a non money sport.
think about how fortunate I am in comparison to someone in the hospital.
look at my kids and enjoy how innocent they are. As in how they get excited about the little things. It makes me a kid again and I jump in with them and play and forget about the troubles I have.
I put together a plan. fitness, money, etc.
watch the comedy central channel.
And last but certainly not least. I simply ask myself am I putting myself in a bad mood? why? are the things I'm worrying about really that important to give up the good times with my children? They are only young once man. You can have all the material possessions in the world, but they don't matter when it comes to your kids. Do the best with what you've got, get a plan together to get back on your feet, and don't let anyone or anything make your kids take second place in your life.
good luck.
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2006/01/03, 12:50 PM
Gangster, first of all thanks for the support, your words help remind me what's really important in life. You guys all took me in a direction I was definitly not heading and I can't thank you enough. Sometimes all it takes is an outside opinion to help ground you. I know this but was totally blind to it and who knows when I would have seen it on my own. My sincerest thanks goes out to all of you for helping me remember and for just being there. Thank you.
Also want to update all with whats goin on. I do feel considerably better and my desire to overcome has returned. I haven't lost site of what may or may not be a problem, I called this morning and made an appointment with a professional, soonest available is 1/12/06. So that's when I go.
Looking forward to the future now and what it has in store for me, come what may. I now remember what gives me my strength.
thanks
Mojo
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2006/01/05, 06:03 PM
I was diagnosed with bi-polar many years ago and started drug and talk therapy. I didn't like the drugs or the psychiatrist or the social worker and got hooked up with a different therapist. Everything went well as long as I stayed in therapy, but I thought I could handle it on my own but several years later went to a different psychiatrist a different drug and its a whole new world. I'm not saying you can't pull yourself up by your own boot straps, but I think you need some help. Remember its the job of the shrink to prescribe drugs, but if they don't work get a second opinion.
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2006/01/06, 03:29 PM
Psychiatrists vs. Psychologists? would be a good read as well. good luck.
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2006/01/21, 10:00 PM
Just wanted to say thanks to all who helped me out when I needed it most. I've been thru alot the last few weeks and feeling considerably better. On meds and seeing a dr just to be safe. But most important I am focusing all my energy towards a new routine and diet. Thanks again to all.
Mojo
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