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Son Girlfriend Dilemma

mysticgraces Posts: 422 Joined: 2006/02/21	2006/06/30, 06:55 AM Hey Folks I got an email from one of my sons saying he wants to come to Ottawa for a visit for 2 weeks,but that he wants to bring his girlfriend with him..Hes 19,but Iam not sure I like the idea of the girlfriend.. I would love to see him..what to do?
bb1fit Posts: 11,105 Joined: 2001/06/30	2006/06/30, 07:23 AM Is there something wrong with the girl you know of? Or are you just thinking it is too early for him to have a girlfriend? -------------- Maximus from Gladiator....Strength and Honor!
ryuu Posts: 4 Joined: 2006/06/15	2006/06/30, 08:01 AM If there is no personal problem betwwen you and the girl friend, then let her stay. You can still have her stay under your house rules but not letting her stay may cause resentment between you and your son.
mysticgraces Posts: 422 Joined: 2006/02/21	2006/06/30, 08:27 AM Ok I have never met the girl..he wants me to meet her..I emailed him back and told him that they were both more than welcome,but that they would have to sleep in diff rooms (I have a 7 year old and dont need her questions) I dont have a problem with him having a girlfriend..but it would have been nice to have him visit alone..but a mother has to do what a mother has to do
Carivan Posts: 8,542 Joined: 2002/01/20	2006/06/30, 04:54 PM I agree with you 100%. Different rooms should be. If they agree, they will be showing respect for you and themselves. Hope it works out. -------------- Scales are for dead weight: We are not dead yet! Still trying to find out how to do the Hollywood Free Press. Ivan Montreal Canada
Ravenbeauty Posts: 3,755 Joined: 2002/09/24	2006/06/30, 05:20 PM I feel for you mystic, I ran into a similar issue. Sometimes as mothers we have to take the backseat when it comes to the interest of another woman in our son's lives. We were doing a camping trip when he wanted his girlfriend to come, I wanted alone time with him as I only see him a couple of times a year. I agreed to have her come, but she had to sleep in the girls tent and my son had to have his own tent and me in between!! LOL! They couldn't be up alone together and had to take one of the girls with them, he was only 17 at the time. But regardless, there should always be restrictions if you don't allow them normally and they both should respect and follow them. Turns out that my son's girlfriend was a wonderful, sweet girl and as long as she knew and still knows her place (which is second to mom! LOL!) everything will be great. Just kidding, it was a different experience, now the question is how do you handle it when it's your daughter who wants to bring the boyfriend over the weekend???? This is just killing me! -------------- Bettia.... You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. -Mark Twain ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
slorbets Posts: 205 Joined: 2006/04/07	2006/07/01, 12:24 AM mystic, I would allow you son to bring his girlfriend. I am sure as a mother, you want to spend alone time with you son, but he is growing up, and he will start to have committed relationships. It is just something a mother has to get used to. If your son does not live with you and wants to visit, you should be supportive of his girlfriend. The more supportive you are towards the situation, the more he will want to return to see you. He will appreciate that you are treating him as a grown up. I am sure that there will be other times you will get to see him where the both of you can spend time alone together.
mysticgraces Posts: 422 Joined: 2006/02/21	2006/07/01, 07:26 AM Raven and SLorbets I think you both hit the nail on the head...I now have to take a backseat to my sons interest in other females besides his mom..man is it hard.
Yxven Posts: 76 Joined: 2004/09/05	2006/07/01, 09:46 AM What's the point of splitting them up?
mysticgraces Posts: 422 Joined: 2006/02/21	2006/07/01, 12:00 PM The point is that his baby sister doesnt need to wonder why and ask questions as to why her big brother is sleeping with a girl when they are not married..
slorbets Posts: 205 Joined: 2006/04/07	2006/07/02, 01:01 PM yeah i agree mystic...dont allow them to sleep in the same bed together. You cannot control what they do when you are not around, but under your roof they should respect you and the rest of the family by not sleeping together in the same bed. It is also not right for his younger sister to be seeing this.
mysticgraces Posts: 422 Joined: 2006/02/21	2006/07/02, 08:49 PM I agree Slor...maybe prudish and old fashioned..but thats the way it has to be
Carivan Posts: 8,542 Joined: 2002/01/20	2006/07/03, 04:29 PM So what happened?:cool: -------------- Scales are for dead weight: We are not dead yet! Still trying to find out how to do the Hollywood Free Press. Ivan Montreal Canada
mysticgraces Posts: 422 Joined: 2006/02/21	2006/07/04, 07:16 AM Well I received another email from him,and he wasnt pleased about having to stay in diff rooms..he pulled the "well iam an adult" on me and I wrote back "you maybe an adult but you are still MY KID" I told him diff rooms stands..
	2006/07/04, 02:17 PM Stick with the different rooms. My girlfriend and I are both 26 years old, but we understand that out of respect for our parents we will be sleeping in separate rooms when we go to visit them. :big_smile:
flyonthewall Posts: 1,823 Joined: 2005/01/18	2006/07/04, 03:41 PM I ran into the same problem when my current husband and I visited before we were married. One weekend we all decided to go out on a boat for the weekend and there were only 2 beds. Once this happened, it was kind of a non-issue from then on. If it was me, I'd lay down the separate room rule as well, but when you really think of it, it really isn't that big a deal (for either side!) In mystic's case, I'd be taking my younger daughter's feelings into consideration as well.
slorbets Posts: 205 Joined: 2006/04/07	2006/07/04, 08:27 PM yes mystic, stick with the rule! Yes he may be an adult now, but he should still respect the rules of your household. I have been with my boyfriend for years, and we even live together, but when we go to my parents, we know the rule is to sleep in seperate rooms. No matter what age you are, this is a rule many parents have and there is nothing wrong with it.
Ravenbeauty Posts: 3,755 Joined: 2002/09/24	2006/07/05, 04:58 PM Okay fly, you being older is one thing, if they aren't even old enough to drink, it is a big deal and they still need to follow rules and be respectful, I had to do it at 29, and though i wasn't pleased with the idea, i still, even then, respected my parents rules and abided by them.:big_smile: -------------- Bettia.... You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. -Mark Twain ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
bobosensei Posts: 194 Joined: 2004/06/15	2006/07/13, 07:32 PM Is there a statutory rape law where you are mystic? Because 19 and 16 is a little bit of a difference. When I was 16 there was no way my mom would have let me run off with some guy unsupervised.