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2006/12/18, 03:59 PM
My husband is in general a big humbug when it comes to christmas...he lives his life based on "is it a NEED or a WANT" before making any purchase...and I live for "who cares if I NEED it...I WANT it"...we fall under the opposites attract theory...so when the holidays come it's always a battle over gifts and how much we spend...this year I asked that he back off some...that having a big christmas and buying all the stuff I want for everyone makes me happy...so could I just have that this year...he's been VERY good...until today...he looked at the bank and is upset.He says "we've"(he is nice enough to say we...instead of me)have gone overboard...that "we" spent more than what we agreed to...now I am aware that I spent alot this year...but the majority was money that I made...and with all of the over time I will be putting in I will put alot back in next weekend alone...but he gets frustrated with me...and says I'm not "hearing" what he's saying...that I'm making excuses every time he says we spend to much...but if I don't agree with him...how do I see his side????So tell me fellas...maybe you can help me see his point...he says ,for me,he was being good this year and letting me buy as much as I want...so I should give him credit for that...that I'm not "hearing" him now...whats he saying?????
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2006/12/18, 04:15 PM
I think the big thing I see in your info is that "we" (you)spent MORE THAT AGREED TO. If you agreed to spend a cetain amt and you blew right past it, that would be a problem for me. Now, you did make good points about you are working more and it is from that but should be reasons to spend more not excuses to why you spent more. Your reasoning is ok but your timing is off. When you saw that you would be spending more than yall agreed upon, you should have then talked to him with your good reasons. It may have made sense to him then but now it is that he gave a little but you took advantage. He met you half way but you took it further. you asked for it
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2006/12/18, 04:20 PM
hmmmm....OK...that makes sense...so he feels like I took advantage of him backing off...that makes sense...for my side...I didn't even realize I blew right past it...I just feel it's not like we're broke...so I don't see what the big deal is...but if it's really an issue of he feels like I took advantage...then that make more sense.Thanks tiger:)
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2006/12/18, 04:27 PM
If you agreed to a specific number...then it's on both of you to honor that agreement. It basically comes down to trust and being a responsible person. I know everyone gets in the season of the holidays and go overboard but it's still only fair to stick to what you agreed.
Also what you can or will or may earn is not as pertinent to the situation as what you have now. Many things can happen that can often alter your financial situation. So it's best not to count your chickens before they hatch.
You are also looking wrong at the situation of how the money was earned. Sure you may have earned the money but as a married couple it's BOTH of your money. So when you spend it, you spend not only your own money but his also. Just as the money he earns is yours as much as his.
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2006/12/18, 04:32 PM
Yes...this is true...all points that he made...but I spend so much time back peddaling and making excuses...that I have no energy left to see his point...here I just have to read it...and not be thinking about all the excuses I can come up with...hmmmm...I think I'm getting it...
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2006/12/18, 04:34 PM
KC, I'm obviously not one of the guys, but I can tell you I am in your husbands position for everyday things constantly with my husband when it comes to money. It can be extremely frustrating, so when he say's you're not hearing him, really really take the time to fully hear what he is saying without getting defensive. It helps a lot.
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2006/12/18, 04:42 PM
I can only agree with the others. Whats yours is his, and whats his is yours. Hope you didn't go to much over board.
There is always Dr. Phil.
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A little discipline at the table and at the gym might help reduce that belly!
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2006/12/18, 05:15 PM
...I quote dr phil to him all the time...drives him nutty....when he turns it on me...I'm always in trouble...my husbands problem is he doesn't like to tell me no...I know it so I tend to take advantage of that...but I see the error of my ways...I need to stop with the whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine attitude...I'm not a she devil...it's just hard not to be defensive when it comes to money...maybe that will be my new years resolution...since to quit smoking is finally not on that list this year!!:)
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2006/12/18, 07:27 PM
Oh well, I'm glad you and I are not a couple, because we would be broke! :big_smile:
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A little discipline at the table and at the gym might help reduce that belly!
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2006/12/19, 12:14 AM
I think you look like Ann Margaret. Spend whatever you want.
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Sometimes life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2006/12/19, 07:24 AM
i wouldnt sweat it, nothing a trip to victoria's secret wont fix.....
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You still walk the straight and narrow
And you dont know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to You
Thats when you learn the truth
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2006/12/19, 08:30 AM
Ann Margaret???I'll have to look that one up too...I get that I look like Petula Clark from some of my regulars at work,I looked her up and don't see the resemblance....
But everything is all fixed...I called yesterday and said sorry that I took advantage...and that it didn't matter how much money I thought I was gonna make if I hadn't yet made it...and I'd drop the whats mine is mine attitude...and guess what.... I got flowers...it's great to be a girl...no...seriously...thanks guys...I needed a little eye opening...
Bill and Charlie....I've missed the two of you...nice to see a post...
Charlie....whats a wifi port???????:)
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2006/12/19, 08:43 AM
OK...so I knew who ann margaret is...didn't connect the name with the face right away...don't see a resemblance though...
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2006/12/19, 01:00 PM
Wireless internet... it is difficult to get online from a boat. Some marinas offer a wireless hookup that works without a landline. You just have to get close enough. Sometimes you can even get online if you're passing a home with a wireless router but then you either have to anchor or hold station against the current.
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Sometimes life is like herding cats.
Charlie
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2006/12/19, 03:10 PM
My wife: "It was on sale for a great price!"
Me: Did we need it?
My wife: Well, no.
Me: Then it wasn't a great price now was it?
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Maximus from Gladiator....Strength and Honor!
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2006/12/20, 07:28 AM
is ann margaret the woman off of meurder she wrote? haha.
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Quoting from charlie826:
I think you look like Ann Margaret. Spend whatever you want.
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with your hands round my neck at least i get to touch you
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2006/12/20, 08:15 AM
Bite your tongue pritchard. :)
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