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2007/01/05, 09:37 AM
My paternal grandmother called last night...I haven't spoken to her since my daughter was born 10 years ago...we've never liked eachother...so my first thought was to hang up the phone...I paused and thought maybe she'd think she had the wrong number..but decided that wouldn't be the most grown up choice..so I said hello.She's 85 years old but her voice was just as strong as I remember her as a girl.My grandmother was one of those "children should be seen and not heard people"..and she always spoke to me like I was dumb as a rock...so I'd make her as miserable as possible when she came to visit..or we went to visit her.And she'd give me looks that would have killed me if it were possible.It became a game...who could be meaner..I always won.So anyway as an adult I never maintained any contact with her.She is a very talented accomplished artist...my dad is in possession of several of these paintings...one is of a little farm girl..that you can tell has passed on..she has an uncanny ability to capture a certain auora about people...and you can tell looking at this painting that this girl is no longer with us...she died just months after this painting was done...I asked my dad if I could have that painting..he asked her...she said no...there is also a painting of me she did when I was about 3 years old...and everytime I look at that painting I can feel me...as a girl..if that makes any sense...she said no(yes I'm telling you all of this for a reason...I'm getting there)...so back to the phone call...she says she is calling because she would like for me to bring my children to her...she has never met them.My daughter...her first born great grandchild was born on her 75th birthday..and she wants to look in her eyes...she says she beleives she will connecet with her...in a way she was never able to connect with me...then she goes on to tell me what I rebelious child I had more fire than a girl should have...and I'm thinking OK lady...I already know you don't like me...but then she goes on to tell...that my fire made her envious of me...and that she knows I want this painting of myself,and the reason she wouldn't allow me to have it before was because that moment..when she snapped the picture that she eventually painted was the only time she saw that I had made a connection with her...and she was afraid if I she gave me that painting...she would lose that one instant of connection.We went on and spoke about the world in general...just had a normal easy conversation.In the end she said she loved me and always thought I was a beautiful child with a strong spirit...and that I should call my dad more ...he missed me.
And when she passes...I can have my painting.
Which I have a sense she believes will be soon.
I don't know why I'm writing this...other than I just don't know what to make of this phone call...I've missed alot of connections with my family...this phone call brought that all to the surface..and I'm not sure what to do with all of these missed connections now...if that makes any sense at all.
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2007/01/05, 09:49 AM
WOW, I have sortof the same relationship with my moms mother...never cared for her. But lately something has told me to being the boys to her....which we have done....glad i have she is not the same person I knew asa child. I say take them to see her.
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Curl Jockeys, get outta the squat rack!
Warning:Deadlifting going on!
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2007/01/05, 09:59 AM
She lives in New Mexico...not just a quick trip...I know my dad would fly us there if I asked...just not sure I want to...but the phone call spooked me a bit.
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\\"If you had one shot...or one opportunity to seize all you ever wanted...in one moment...would you capture it...or just let it slip\\"
eminem
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2007/01/05, 10:05 AM
It took alot for this women to make that call and say those things (from what you described her to be). If you feel like trying to heal that connection with her, then do it. It will be hard to make it worse. But if you do not, then dont. If you are torn, PRAY and it will come
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2007/01/05, 10:21 AM
Lots of times people just know when they're time is up and they reach out to people that they never were able to before. Call it insanity or senility...when it comes down to it in the end it doesn't matter.
If you ask me though I wouldn't wait until you're her age to start reaching out.
Strange thing is I was considering this myself. I had the kind of father that never kept a promise when I was a kid and I haven't seen him since I was 12. I was just pondering this morning how I would go about reaching out to him. It's something I've thought about for a long time one day I'll take action...unfortunately there's some concern of his state of mind and my G-ma still being alive and him causing her a great deal of stress.
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2007/01/05, 10:23 AM
Message deleted by moderator due to unsuitable content for this board.
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2007/01/05, 11:08 AM
I believe she wanted to make peace...the thought of seeing her makes me very uncomfortable.
It's easiest for me to just cut you out of my life than it is to miss you...or be hurt by you...so I have developed quite a knack for it...not sure I know how to change that...but it's bothering me...so I know it's something.
I don't know that it's all that important to have people in your life that didn't treat you right....I don't hate them...I'm just done with them.
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\\"If you had one shot...or one opportunity to seize all you ever wanted...in one moment...would you capture it...or just let it slip\\"
eminem
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2007/01/05, 11:18 AM
i believe that it is ok with removing people from your life that does not "fit" in your life. My brother is that way. He is a very jealous and bitter person who only feels good by dogging people out (including several people that I loved). I have not talked to him in one yr. I love him, wish him the best but life is too short too deal with some people.
If you are curiuos about her, try talking to her on the phone a few more times. If the person that you remember is still there, just let it go. If it seems that she may have changed, reconsider
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2007/01/05, 11:31 AM
That's sort of been my same sympathy and part of the reason I haven't gone down that road with my Father.
I guess it comes to a point when you have to consider that after that person is gone how will you feel? Will you believe that there was alot that needed to be said? Will you have regret for not saying and at least trying one last time?
I learned this from my Mom...she had an awful relationship with her abusive father (my Grandfather) and on his death bed she said "I forgive you" and he wept and mouthed "I love you and I'm sorry" with the tubes and stuff this wasn't easy for him. I don't know what happened between them, and it doesn't matter to me...but I witnessed a long history of pain and suffering between them both just drift away and he died within the hour.
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2007/01/05, 11:42 AM
"Throughout life people will make you mad
Disrespect you and treat you bad
Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too"
This is from a song and has always meant a great deal to me...
It's not that she was terrible...we just never liked eachother...like oil and water...but it bothers me that I don't have this relationship...when I hear others talk about their relationships.
BUT...really don't think I want to mend that fence...to much work...but I worry about the example I have set for my children...sometimes I feel like I'm strong..I don't need people..other times I think I'm just a chicken that won't let people in...
hmmmmm...to much to ponder on a friday....
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\\"If you had one shot...or one opportunity to seize all you ever wanted...in one moment...would you capture it...or just let it slip\\"
eminem
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2007/01/05, 02:05 PM
Exactly...had I not told myself I wasn't going to have another beer until I dropped an extra 10 lbs I know what I'd be doing tonight. :big_smile:
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2007/01/05, 02:27 PM
Is the fence truly that broken though? Or is it just that you know you guys didn't get along, and have built up childhood memories and made it seem worse than it was? You can take a step back and look at it as an adult..maybe things aren't truly as bad as they seem, and saving the relationship won't be so hard as you think? :)
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2007/01/05, 02:33 PM
Go.
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I see the words you are typing, but all I read is *click*click*click*
Be here. Live. Love. Hope. Now. Faith. Believe. You. - Keith Urban
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol
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2007/01/05, 03:41 PM
Wow...not sure what to tell you. But that story made me cry.
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2007/01/05, 09:50 PM
Connect. Your children will be glad to have had a chance to know thier great-grandmother.
I don't remeber either of my grandfathers, only vague memeories of my grandmothers. My parents moved away and didn't make much effort.
My husband's grandmother had an incredible influence on me and my daughter, we miss her very much since she passed on.
If you get there and it sucks, you can turn around and leave, but I think everything happens for a reason and you should see her.
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Until you value yourself you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.
M. Scott Peck
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2007/01/06, 01:45 AM
HE SAID IT BEST:
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Quoting from TimDay:
Go.
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Remember to never hold ideas or pasts in your heart just in your mind...never build fences to keep the stuff in the only purpose those fences serve is to hold things out
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Jason Fox 6'1" 380lbs Weight Goal 300 by april 2007, 365 11/14, 12/7/06-358
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2007/01/17, 10:46 AM
Opportunity is always smaller coming at you than when it is going away from you. Just as TimDay said. Go.
What do you have to lose? Start on a new page, and remember she had alot of guts to make the call. Plus think of the joy she will get by seeing her great grand children. Everyone says I wish I could live to a hundred or whatever. I want to see my great grand children. That's when I know I'm done in life.
good luck.
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2007/01/17, 12:28 PM
I put this question out there and got my answer...leave it be...she wanted to make peace and she did.
I see her in a different way now...which is nice...I've even sent her an email..and for today...thats enough.
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"But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold"
My Wish
Rascall Flats
I sing this song to my kids...but I realized..it works for yall too....
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2007/01/17, 03:35 PM
didn't pay attention to last date post. glad things worked out.
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