|
2007/07/10, 12:43 AM
Three women were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups.
The doctor asked the first woman "In what position was the baby conceived?"
He was on top," she replied.
"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top," came the reply.
"You will have a baby girl!" said the doctor.
With this, the third woman, a blonde, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter?" asked the doctor.
"I'm going to have puppies!!!" exclaimed the blonde.
--------------
Bettia
You Get What You Train For!
- Unknown
|
|
|
|
2007/07/10, 09:39 AM
:big_smile:
Warning to all Women!!!!
IMPORTANT MESSAGE:
You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. Well, this kind of cruel theft is happening with other body parts as well!
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.
My Butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I
realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.
Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?
When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts
-stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?
THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
--------------
Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.
Thomas Carlyle
|
|
2007/07/10, 10:33 AM
Hilarious....and I think those theives have been visiting me:big_smile:
|
|
2007/07/25, 09:47 AM
Three Holy Men and a Bear:
>
>
>A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to
>the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.
>
>
>They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk
>shop.
>
>
>One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really
>all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
>
>
>One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would
>all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt
>to convert it.
>
>
>Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.
>
>
>Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has
>various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I
>went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read
>to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and
>began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him
>and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is
>coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
>
>
>Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both
>legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he
>claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I
>went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear
from God's HOLY WORD!
>But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we
>began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another
>until we came to a creek.
>
>
>So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you
>said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising
>Jesus."
>
>
>
>The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in
>a hospital bed.
>
>
>He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and
>out of him. He was in real bad shape.
>
>
>The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have
>been the best way to start."
|
