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2007/07/28, 03:08 PM
John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, John?s grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, ?Are these plates clean??
His grandpa replied, ?They?re as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal.?
For lunch, Grandpa made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have specks of dried egg on it. ?Are you sure these plates are clean?? he asked.
Without looking up, Grandpa said, ?I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them!?
Later, as John was leaving, his grandpa?s dog started to growl and wouldn?t let him pass.
John said, ?Grandpa, your dog won?t let me get by!?
Grandpa yelled to the dog, ?Cold Water, go lie down!?
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2007/07/29, 10:49 AM
:laugh: One of my favorite Dear Abby columns was her advice to someone whose aquaintances always dropped in at supper time and expected to stay and eat - she advised them to do this : after supper, let the dog lick the plates and then put them right into the cupboard (with the moochers watching) they are sure not to drop in at meal time again :)
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Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.
Thomas Carlyle
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2007/09/04, 10:56 AM
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint... it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O
P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude wit h mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the
Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
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Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.
Thomas Carlyle
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2007/09/04, 11:15 AM
11 Things You Can Do In The Gym To Mess With People's Minds
Interested in playing mind games? Try these little tricks next time you hit the gym.
Going to the gym should be fun! Are you stuck in a rut? Try a few of these psychological mind games and enjoy the confusion of everyone around you. It's just like facing the wrong way in an elevator and looking at the other people instead of the ceiling or wall.
1. Fill an old vodka bottle with water and use it during a workout. People will wonder if that's "your secret weapon" to great results!
2. Wear a helmet. I think you'll find that people will give you a lot more room when you're lifting when you walk in with head protection (especially when you do overhead exercises!).
3. Pick up the 2-pound nose-itcher dumbells and proceed to lift them like you're doing the hardest set in your life. Scream and strain like you're pushing it to the limit. The larger you are, the more effective this one will be.
4. Load a tremendous amount of weight onto the bench press bar, e.g. 500 to 600 pounds. Make a big production with your preparation, lie back on the bench, then, just as you are about to lift the bar off the rack, your watch alarm (previously set by you, of course) should go off. Look at your watch, shake your head, unload the bar then move onto your next exercise. The smaller you are, the more effective this one will be!
5. Do actual squats in the squat rack. You may have to wait for a few people to finish their barbell curls but the strange looks you get when you start squatting in the squat rack will be well worth it.
6. Wear an electric ab-training belt with an extension cord duct-taped to it. Plug yourself in just before each set.
7. Have your workout partner bring an old remote control from home. When he presses a button, do a rep. When hits "fast forward" go faster. When he hits "pause" hold the weight where it is. Just make sure he doesn't hit the "eject" button, especially after a hard set!
8. Count your reps out loud starting from 100, e.g. your first rep, say "101", then "102", etc.
9. Bring a suitcase to the gym instead of a duffel bag. The little rolling ones with the pop-up handles are good. Also, a really huge one that you can fit a person comfortably in will work.
10. Do a set of Rolling Dumbell One-Arm Handstand Push-Ups. Or Turkish Get-Ups. Or Triceps Extensions on the Leg Press Machine.
11. Use sandwich bags instead of workout gloves.
And when you walk into the gym pulling a huge suitcase, carrying a liquor bottle in your hand, with a helmet on your head, two sandwich bags instead of gloves, and an extension cord hanging from your waist, you'll know that you've probably taken this article a little too seriously...
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Get busy living or get busy dying.
Rabula Tasa- Latin meaning Clean Slate
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