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2008/02/27, 03:55 PM
Well, I've got an interesting situation. I think my husband is jealous of freetrainers! So, he's started exercising finally, and wants to bulk up. So, he joined a spinning class and does that 3 times a week. So, I have gently tried to tell him that a spinning class will NOT add bulk, it will help remove the little belly pooch he got when he quit smoking (we both eat very healthy), but he's not going to bulk. He says "I think you will be suprised!" I just say "Ok" because it's not something worth arguing about. I figure that when he starts feeling better, he will be more addicted and get into it more. This was probably my first mistake, I should have just kept my mouth shut and showed my pride in him for making an effort to get fit. Bad wife.
But, here's the thing! He's now started criticizing MY workouts and lifestyle (he actually started this BEFORE he started the spinning class)! I won't go into all of my workout routine but it includes swimming, aerobics, yoga, kickboxing, weight training, etc. A good mix with plenty of cardio, weights and flexibility training. I've got problem areas like everyone. So, for example, the other day I was looking in the mirror pinching my belly fat, my badge of honor from having kids and was complaining to myself. He said that I need to do more ab exercises if I want to lose that pouch (keep in mind, this was in a helpful tone, not a mean tone). I know that he doesn't know nearly as much as I do of course (ha ha), so I just smiled and said "ok". He went on! And kept pushing! "No, I'm serious! You do all this research about exercise but only work your abs like twice a week. You should do them every day if you really want to get rid of the belly pooch because you'll turn the belly fat into muscle". So, I finally said "So, you are suggesting that I do abs EVERY day to SPOT REDUCE my tummy by making the fat turn into muscle. You know that's not possible, right? And working out any one muscle group every day is an invitation for injury, right?" and he argued with me that spot reducing IS possible and maybe I shouldn't listen to all of my "friends" on the bodybuilder website and should listen to him instead. HUH? Ok, again, I just left it alone and went and had a protein shake. You know the routine, get irritated with hubby, have a protein shake. So, then he asked "And what's with all the protein? Are you trying to be a bodybuilder or something because that will just bulk you up." Again with the ignorance. I pointed out that I am no where NEAR bulky, and I need the protein. And he again said "Oh, I'm sure that's what your website told you". OMG!
So, I really need advice here. I don't talk about the FT website unless we are in a conversation and it warrants it. Such as the good suggestions I had about my knee. So, do I just never talk about it again? I'm doing a lot of good things for my body, is this a male ego thing where he thinks I don't need his help? Men, (or women), help me understand! I don't want to be hurting him or making him sad, but I don't want to take his ridiculous advice just to appease him either. Do I go in the bedroom, lock the door and pretend to do abs every day every once in a while saying "Wow, this spot reduction workout really works! My fat is turning to muscle! I can already tell!"
What's REALLY going on here?
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2008/02/27, 05:02 PM
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Quoting from amyksmith76:
You know the routine, get irritated with hubby, have a protein shake.
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haha...
Jealousy and ego, mostly...
I'd remind him that many of your "bodybuilding friends" are personal trainers. While most of us know how much that means (cough), we can let it be our little secret.
I worked as a trainer before I came to college, and had this problem at one point. I ended up meeting with the guy (a boyfriend that had "been an athlete at one time") and reminding him of what he did (fixing electrical work) as opposed to what I did (personal training). I tried to let him understand that most of my studies were related to the human body, and it was something I understood pretty well.
I was met with the usual "kids don't know anything" and "well when i was in shape"... eventually I just ended up talking about why he was wrong using technical terms, and confusing him enough that he left me alone.
His girlfriend was actually one of the most successful transformations I've ever seen.
Just a couple thoughts...
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SQUAT MORE ~Jesse Marunde
Blood Guts Sweat Chalk
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2008/02/27, 05:53 PM
Maybe you could lessen the blow to him by asking him for advice too (but not necessarily following it haha). Like for example, if you post a question here, you could ask him the same thing, see what he thinks, and then show him the advice you get from here and compare it to what he had to say. Don't rub it in his face if he was way off though, just ask his opinion about why he thinks everybody else on the site is wrong. If he was right, then tell him he's as smart as personal trainers (even though like Steve said, it doesn't mean much now a days).
Maybe by doing this you'll make him feel more involved in what you're doing, and it'll make him feel like you value his opinion just as much as you do everyone's here.
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2008/02/27, 06:25 PM
Steve, you hit the nail on the head with the "I used to be an athlete thing". I forgot to even put that in my post! "I went to Military Boot Camp" and "I still hold the highschool punt record" or Al Bundy quote like that. ha ha.
That's a good thought too yessica. I don't know that I'll let him know that he answered the same as FT, he will think I'm quizzing him. ha ha. Maybe I will ask for his opinion and just humor him.
"Honey, I'm having trouble with my triceps, do you have any suggestions?" "Really? I never thought about doing sit ups for my triceps before! That's a great idea, I'm so glad that you were so good in military boot camp and football so that you can share this knowledge with me. Thanks honey!"
ha ha.
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2008/02/27, 07:36 PM
This is way too long for me to read but I noticed you've gotten responses from single people... hmmmm
I can answer without reading. Husbands...we might not always be right however, we are never wrong. Does that help?
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Aboard the MV The Shop
Charlie
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2008/02/27, 08:45 PM
Listen to charlie......after all he has been married since Lincoln was President
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FOR MY WIFE:
Her little ring was a little thing
but it was all that i could afford
now shes mine all mine
till the day i die
and i never wanted nothing more
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2008/02/27, 08:49 PM
Ok I'm looking for my rolled up newspaper.
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Aboard the MV The Shop
Charlie
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2008/02/27, 08:49 PM
Not even worried...I can out run your Lark!
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FOR MY WIFE:
Her little ring was a little thing
but it was all that i could afford
now shes mine all mine
till the day i die
and i never wanted nothing more
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2008/02/27, 09:42 PM
You're killin' me Charlie. Can't even read the whole post. I'm crushed. I mean, I know I talk a lot, but geez. That hurts. *sigh*.
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2008/02/27, 10:46 PM
Run my advice by your husband, see what he thinks. And while you're running, would you take mutt for a walk before he wets the floor?
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Aboard the MV The Shop
Charlie
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2008/02/28, 01:23 AM
if you care about your marriage you should probably make him an account and apologise for airing ya'll's dirty laundry. If you don't you can always bet him fifty bucks he's wrong
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2008/02/28, 12:10 PM
Unfortunately with today's society, the "Internet" has gotten a really bad wrap from past and present mistakes of it's users, especially if you are on it throughout all hours of the day.
Many families, not just husbands or wives, tend to think that the person is putting websites, chat rooms, and even community boards like this as great as it is, first in their lives rather than their families. This turns into ignorance and insults from the other half because:
1. Yes, they are jealous that you want to spend more time online with friends and boards then with them.
2. We, meaning FT members do talk about the website and people on it, especially when we are active like this, it becomes a part of our daily, living process and the result is we want to share what exciting stuff is happening to us personally.
3. Some people don't know when to set times to be on and not and let things "slide" at home that are otherwise attended.
I am not saying that any of these things apply to you personally, but I can speak from experience and from a married point of view, that it can effect the family life.
A step back in history for me, a lot of the older members here knew my ex-husband as we both joined this site together. It became part of our lives, we established great friendships, me more so than him and were actively involved. During the years it started changing a bit and he got very jealous of the site and a few in particular, even though he was an active member. Anyways...it came down to me sitting with him and asking him if he felt that my being online as much as I was, was effecting our marriage. I myself didn't feel that it was, but out it out there for the sake of our marriage, after all it is a union and should be lived accordingly. It turned out not being this website at all but other issues. Regardless, as a wife, I had to be considerate of his feelings.
Maybe sit with your husband and ask him how he feels about your time on here, invite him to join. Be respective of his feelings and see if you two can meet a middle ground.
I would not suggest faking or pretending to heed his advice just to make him happy because it is a false sense of security you are providing him on your part and well, you should just be honest, always.
As far as his feelings on fitness and what he knows and does not know, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Rather than make it an insult/argue situation, explain to him that THIS works for YOU.
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Bettia
Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It is all about timing.
-Stacey Chapman
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2008/02/28, 12:28 PM
Theres a real simple way to do this. My wife does it to me and I find myself shuting up most of the time. If its the website he has a problem with then find the info from other sites. Print them out and read then in front of him. Once done lay the paperwork down and walk away. It would be better if it was a mag about working out. This way you don't hurt his pride by telling him hes wrong and he does not have to say sorry. Trust me he'll keep it to himself once he finds out hes wrong.
But thats just my two cents.
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2008/02/28, 12:29 PM
Sorry, when I say read I mean to yourself and he might look at it if you walk away from it.
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2008/02/28, 03:05 PM
Good tips. Thanks Bettia. Interesting thoughts. I don't go on freetrainers in the evening, however, once the kids go to bed I go on myspace and blog. Maybe I do need to look at the BIG picture, it probably has very little to do about fitness. I bet you are right.
He's very affectionate and and I'm very independent. Maybe he's feeling like I'm not giving him enough attention over all. Hmmm. Something to ponder. We have had internet issues in the past, ironically enough, he was the obsessive user. But, I should realize how that made ME feel.
I've invited him to join, if he does decide, I'll have to ask one of the moderators to delete this thread. ha ha.
Thanks again, you really got me thinking. Boy, I really don't like to think. :laugh::love:
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2008/02/28, 03:58 PM
My ex was the same, very affectionate, over-emotional and I was like you...too independent for him.
Good luck and I hope it all works out. :)
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Bettia
Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It is all about timing.
-Stacey Chapman
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2008/02/28, 04:56 PM
Thanks. It will all be fine. I just sometimes forget that he some hugs and cuddles sometimes even if I'd prefer to pound out sets at the gym listening to "Suffa" by Hed PE. ha ha. I guess I could learn to soften up a bit. :)
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2008/02/28, 05:10 PM
smokin hot sex usually gets me over whatever bothers me...
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Aboard the MV The Shop
Charlie
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2008/02/28, 05:17 PM
Yeah, but then he wants to cuddle afterwards, and you know, I just want to roll over and go to sleep.... Just kidding.
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2008/02/28, 05:32 PM
I have to agree with Charlie all the way, with this one.
To much to read, but hope the marriage is ok after all!
:big_smile:
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Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2008/02/29, 03:34 PM
I had a few hours to kill today so I read the post. I stand by my advice. Maybe George and Adrian could put in an "ask Charlie" forum. If they do, I promise to read it. I can also give pet advice,look how well I've raised my little Mutt.
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Aboard the MV The Shop
Charlie
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2008/02/29, 03:46 PM
LOL
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FOR MY WIFE:
Her little ring was a little thing
but it was all that i could afford
now shes mine all mine
till the day i die
and i never wanted nothing more
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2008/02/29, 05:04 PM
You had a few hours to kill PAHLESE! I remember a few months back spending an hour reading a little story about Charlie floating down the river on a piece of lumber or something like that and a neighbor didn't want to save him because he was fishing? I don't remember how it went but anyway. THAT took me over an hour to read... although, I stopped to wipe my eyes from laughing every few minutes, but STILL! How rude.
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2008/02/29, 05:41 PM
oops!
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Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2008/02/29, 09:19 PM
So is that a yes or a no to an "Ask Charlie" forum?
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Aboard the MV The Shop
Charlie
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2008/02/29, 09:27 PM
Holy crap, i just noticed your last post Amy. Didn't mean to slight you. The difference in the two posts you mentioned was mine was a wildly hilarious entertaining epic that everybody adored. The other post was just kind of blah bla de blah, click click click doncha think?
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Aboard the MV The Shop
Charlie
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2008/03/03, 01:17 PM
lol. "Wildly hilarious entertaining epic" vs. my "blah bla de blah, click click click". Real nice.
I don't even know how to respond to that. You have finally rendered me speechless. Not even my husband has been able to do that. I'm impressed.
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2008/03/03, 01:26 PM
Charlie has that ability to confound folks. I think it is cause his Brain is fried from all that sun.
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FOR MY WIFE:
Her little ring was a little thing
but it was all that i could afford
now shes mine all mine
till the day i die
and i never wanted nothing more
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2008/03/03, 01:31 PM
:big_smile:
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Aboard the MV The Shop
Charlie
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2008/03/14, 11:41 AM
I get a bit jealous when my fiance goes to the gym ( a different one that I've joined) because I'm not feeling the best about my body right now and feeling that insecurity and doubt. :(
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Quoting from amyksmith76:
Well, I've got an interesting situation. I think my husband is jealous of freetrainers! So, he's started exercising finally, and wants to bulk up. So, he joined a spinning class and does that 3 times a week. So, I have gently tried to tell him that a spinning class will NOT add bulk, it will help remove the little belly pooch he got when he quit smoking (we both eat very healthy), but he's not going to bulk. He says "I think you will be suprised!" I just say "Ok" because it's not something worth arguing about. I figure that when he starts feeling better, he will be more addicted and get into it more. This was probably my first mistake, I should have just kept my mouth shut and showed my pride in him for making an effort to get fit. Bad wife.
But, here's the thing! He's now started criticizing MY workouts and lifestyle (he actually started this BEFORE he started the spinning class)! I won't go into all of my workout routine but it includes swimming, aerobics, yoga, kickboxing, weight training, etc. A good mix with plenty of cardio, weights and flexibility training. I've got problem areas like everyone. So, for example, the other day I was looking in the mirror pinching my belly fat, my badge of honor from having kids and was complaining to myself. He said that I need to do more ab exercises if I want to lose that pouch (keep in mind, this was in a helpful tone, not a mean tone). I know that he doesn't know nearly as much as I do of course (ha ha), so I just smiled and said "ok". He went on! And kept pushing! "No, I'm serious! You do all this research about exercise but only work your abs like twice a week. You should do them every day if you really want to get rid of the belly pooch because you'll turn the belly fat into muscle". So, I finally said "So, you are suggesting that I do abs EVERY day to SPOT REDUCE my tummy by making the fat turn into muscle. You know that's not possible, right? And working out any one muscle group every day is an invitation for injury, right?" and he argued with me that spot reducing IS possible and maybe I shouldn't listen to all of my "friends" on the bodybuilder website and should listen to him instead. HUH? Ok, again, I just left it alone and went and had a protein shake. You know the routine, get irritated with hubby, have a protein shake. So, then he asked "And what's with all the protein? Are you trying to be a bodybuilder or something because that will just bulk you up." Again with the ignorance. I pointed out that I am no where NEAR bulky, and I need the protein. And he again said "Oh, I'm sure that's what your website told you". OMG!
So, I really need advice here. I don't talk about the FT website unless we are in a conversation and it warrants it. Such as the good suggestions I had about my knee. So, do I just never talk about it again? I'm doing a lot of good things for my body, is this a male ego thing where he thinks I don't need his help? Men, (or women), help me understand! I don't want to be hurting him or making him sad, but I don't want to take his ridiculous advice just to appease him either. Do I go in the bedroom, lock the door and pretend to do abs every day every once in a while saying "Wow, this spot reduction workout really works! My fat is turning to muscle! I can already tell!"
What's REALLY going on here?
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2008/03/14, 11:54 AM
I would have never guessed it Charlie :) LOL
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Quoting from charlie826:
smokin hot sex usually gets me over whatever bothers me...
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