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2008/03/26, 04:47 PM
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The frist one replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
And the best for last....
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him....(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed by Halitosis.
Thank you, thank you very much. (Notice the new Elvis impersonation? What? I'm in Vegas now..sheesh)
LOL
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Bettia
Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It is all about timing.
-Stacey Chapman
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2008/03/26, 07:49 PM
LOL, what are we going to do with you ? :love:
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2008/03/27, 11:00 AM
I have a few ideas......lol.
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2008/03/27, 03:23 PM
Vegas here i come :P
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2008/03/27, 04:04 PM
I could only imagine!:big_smile:
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Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2008/03/27, 06:11 PM
Before minds start wandering..I was thinking about somewhere along the lines of banishment to Italy, where I would be surrounded by tons of beautiful Italian men speaking their native tongue to me.....LOL!
Okay, so I was dreaming a little.... :)
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Bettia
Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It is all about timing.
-Stacey Chapman
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2008/03/27, 06:27 PM
What a coincidence, seriously, I always wanted to go there and probably will, as my cousin inspired me even more,as she just got back, but I can't go for the men!!! CAO!
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Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2008/03/27, 06:40 PM
Did you mean Ciao? lol...
Another joke for the road:
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and read her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am, what are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, isn't that obvious?)"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," said the game warden and he left.
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Bettia
Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It is all about timing.
-Stacey Chapman
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2008/03/28, 02:23 PM
I LOVE that joke, I have had a few occasions I could have used it!!!!
Debbie
I will remember it for next time, believe me.
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Success is not for the chosen few but rather for the few who choose it.
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2008/03/28, 03:42 PM
:big_smile:
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Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2008/03/28, 05:10 PM
More Friday humor....I tried number 17 out today since I live in Vegas and it was friggen hysterical, a definite YouTube moment... LOL!
Have a great weekend all!
Interested in FREE THERAPY, here are some useful tips to help get you through the work week:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they hit the breaks.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks at work. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Sexual Favors"
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive through order is "To Go".
12. Sing along at the Opera.
13. Got to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers, address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Bottom".
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!".
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner that due to the economy, you are going to have to let one of them go.
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Bettia
Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It is all about timing.
-Stacey Chapman
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2008/03/31, 12:27 PM
One of the home-grown construction workers here at my job left this on my desk....
REDNECK PICK UP LINES
Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away.
Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.
My love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in.
Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to check you out.
****Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em. (Somebody actually said this to me...lol)
If you was a tree and I was a squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "What?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
I know i'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
Yer eyes are as blue as winder cleaner.
If ye gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
AND...the best fer last..
Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think if it, my nuts tighten up.
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Bettia
Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It is all about timing.
-Stacey Chapman
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