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2008/05/09, 12:19 AM
I am struggling where motivation is concerned. I find that the 'idea' of working out is harder than actually going out there and 'doing it'. I fight with myself on whether or not I want to endure that pain of 'working out', but if I force myself, it's not so bad once I get started. It's that point where I'm seeing a commercial, or someone walking down our street, that I get this 'notion' that "hmm, maybe I should be out there...". And then I find that I'm immediately trying to find 'excuses' to NOT be out there - kind of like I'm 'giving myself permission' to excuse what I should be doing. I try to justify why it's 'not' a good idea to do any work outs...but, deep down, I am very self-conscious about my body and appearance. I wear baggy clothes and haven't bought anything really 'nice', because I don't feel that I'm worth it...my self-esteem and confidence is almost nothing. Yet, I want to do this. It's almost like I feel as though I'm hitting my 'rock bottom' and I'm losing a battle I thought could win, on my own.
I have no motivation...I have no drive...I don't have enough support, outside my home. My hubby helps motivate me, but I even find myself fighting with him, and he knows I'm making excuses...
I want to be physically fit. My doctor told me this morning that I was borderline 'obese'...I started crying. I was in denial for too long. Now that I heard that horrible word, I want to make enough effort in getting something done with my body and health...But, the 'thought' about doing this seems like the right thing to do, at the time, but then when it comes time to 'doing it', I scramble to get out of it...but once I get going (after kicking and screaming all the way to the gym), I'm okay. I find that I'm struggling only because I am in a 'negative' state right now...it's complicated...but I could sure use some advice on how to make this work...
Thanks (in advance)..
PKruger (pkruger@pib.ca)
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