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2008/12/15, 10:49 AM
Today, I have discovered that I need to motivate myself. Trick my mind into an alternate reality that will promote success in this journey to lose weight. My mind is contradicting itself constantly. One day I say...I need to eat lots of calories to keep me from losing my muscle...then the next day I am saying to myself I am not seeing the weight drop on the scale so I should starve myself to get it...like I have done in the past and got results. Then I wonder if I want to put myself through that hell. I like to eat. I don't want to give up food...so I am searching for some alternative to starving myself. I am already training 3 days a week and doing 5 days of cardio. I am doing that part right. I have been consistant on my exercise so why the hell am I binge eating all the time? I know that it is the kind of food I am eating and the amounts. I wish it were easy as eating cake. I know it is all in my head. I have to find the strength within myself to take it to the next level. I need motivation and I need to make a decision...I can't fight with my mind back in forth giving myself permission to eat whatever I want because I think I need it at the moment...only to find myself left with regret and guilt that I induldged once again. Grazing is hard for me...it only makes me want to eat more. Should I try the warrior diet and eat once a day? I feel like the hunger pains can be controled throughout the mornings, but it is evenings I have trouble with. What if I only wait til evening and then eat a sensible dinner? I am really confused about what direction and what diet I should choose. I do not want to do KETO diet. I think I would die before I would see results from it. Should I just try to eat less calories and learn to accept hunger or should I just try eating half now and half later? Same calories, but curve hunger? sounds like an interesting plan to me. Like grazing but strategiclly stopping in the middle of my meal and finishing it later...hmm? Would take some disipline, but I think I could really do this if I think about it constantly. I can also still use this with self hypnosis and it would work beautifully. I have made my decision. Half n Half.
Every 2-3 hours...snacks!!! 1/2 of a small portioned meal...sounds great...that would be 6 meals per day. Thinking of it this way makes sense to me I get confused about snacks and meals...why not make it all the same??? Same portions...no rules about what it consists of...snacks can be a hot 1/2 meal not just an apple. This would really change the confusion in my mind. This would give me control over my decisions when I am eating. Then I would never be allowed to cheat or compromise because I will feel full and satisfied...there would be no cravings, no binge eating anymore. I can't let my family or friends be an excuse anymore. They eat what they eat because they are not disciplined...they can't be the source of my judgement or even care about my diet...my motivation and self control must come within. I have to make a decision. What can I stick with? What are my strengths and how can I use them to control my dietary habits?
I have lost 50lbs in the last year...mostly from being on a strict calorie diet. Now I am on a moderate calorie diet (1800-2200) and I have put on 9 lbs of lean mass in the last 2 months but I have lost a net weight of 7 lbs (on the scale). I have dropped one pants size. I have really seen progress and everyone that sees me says they can see it...
But all that has been done is great and I am proud of myself...but I also have lost confidence in my disipline and structure because I have been binge eating more frequently and eating junk. I feel guilty about this so I am sharing my troubles to maybe help someone else who needs to understand they are not alone on this, and maybe talk this out in my own mind to help myself make a decision and receive support from others. I keep going back and forth on my nutrition and I just need to feel like I am telling on myself. Does anyone else feel like this?
No one else in my family or my friends are trying to lose weight...I am in this alone...so it is important for me to find my strength within to see it through. Any support, personal experiences or comments are welcome. I would love to meet some of you out there who have this in common.
Link to my diet journal is:
http://fitday.com/fitness/PublicJournals.html?Owner=rbault122302
You can view everything I have eaten each day by hitting the previous button, 2-3 days are blank but it is for the most part very accurate.
You can also see my progress pics at this link along with supplement use and my workout structure:
http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/rbault/
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