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2009/10/09, 05:07 PM
i was always happy of being overweight even if most people thought it is funny, i used to weigh 70 kgs at just a hight of 5'2 everyone called me chubby not fatty.... i had later developed an intestinal disorder due to stress, called ibs, i can only eat vegeables and fish or chicken, but even chicken or bread and other foods make me nauseas and withlotof pain accompanied by constipation...or gass pains... i have to eat little or i get bloated, i have to exercise because i need to improve my constipation, now i don't feel like i want to eat for the fear that i might trigger symptoms...also for the fear that everyone says when you go on a low calorie diet you become bigger.., i only prefer 70kgs not bigger than that..., because my clothes are too small, since i spent my teens always dieting, i eat three times a day, cerial breakfast, vegetable soup in the afternoon, and fish or chicken in the evening at 4pm i won't eat anyting after that time, only rarely...it has to be apple or tea...i also have hatred for fat people who work with me, i quarrled with one and called her names, it wasn't my intention, but when i see her i imagine that i'm like her, i told her off, she wanted fight seriously and hurt me physically, ...i hate her when i see her, i cannot control that, i know she is too fat, the thing that i have to work with her all the time as my collegue makes me puke and the urge to diet and exercise more, i never hated fat people before even when i used to diet like that (there were times i used to diet that way but hen i used to feel bad because i would miss the weight i had because although being overweight my face is full and look better when i have extra pounds..i look scrawny with eyes inside when i'm thin - i know because there were times when i was thin) i know i'm going to get bad comments regarding my attitudes towards that plump girl, but i know she hates me now, i cannot redo things from start, i already called her off once, a person will forgive you only once....! then they will not even look at you the second time you diss them..i never called her fat, but i invented that she calls me names, it isnt true, it's just to pick up argument because i have some problem when i see somone fat..i dont reveal why i hate them, but it's something that i cannot have control on...
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