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I hate squirrels because

	2012/03/06, 11:51 AM Several years ago my bride and I discovered the joys of bird watching. We had a lovely glassed in ex laundry room/back porch that we had converted with treated 4x4s and some very expensive plexi glass. We started with a few cheap feeders from the depot and as we got into it more found out we needed suet, tray and hummingbird feeders. So spend we did and soon we attracting an amazing variety of birds. We recorded 56 species of birds that spring who came to call and enjoy a snack or drink and possible bath in several of our public bird baths. The trouble started so slowly that we didn't even pay it much attention. The antics of the cute little furry guys was entertaining so I didn't worry much when the first feeder wound up on the ground. I hung it back up and refilled the lot and went back to the garden. Then I saw him slap it down again and I said ok I'll secure it better and we'll be fine. Then he not only kept stealing seed but he ate a few holes in the feeders. I was a little surprised but still patient and I fed the Home Depot some more money, bought some replacements and we were good for a day or two until apparently he told some of his buddies and they had "Let's tear up all of Charlie's feeders day" . Ok, Im still being naively patient and I find "squirrel proof "feeders at the depot. Did I mention squirrels are smart? Well they are. The squirrel proof feeder kept them at bay for about 35 hours. Even twist tied to the shepards hook the new feeders ended up on the ground... empty. Now I felt this was all a bit unreasonable because remember I had tray feeders that the little rats could get to and I even bought them cheaper feed corn. I greased the pole. Now that was funny for a while because the squirrels would limp off shaking their little paws as everything they touched stuck to the grease. Worked about 3 hours and they were leaping up to the feeders. I got more proactive. With practice and patience I got to where I could stalk them with a super soaker. Squirrels cut a flip or two with their tails looping when you manage to startle them with one of those things. I went to the super soaker because they could actually out run a blast from the garden hose. I even lay on the deck a few times and was lucky enough to actually get a few right in the face. I can't yell you how funny it is to see a squirrels reaction when you manage to make the stream fork up his nose from 4 feet away. They are not only surprised because a grown man is laying prone on the deck with a really big really powerful squirt gun but that it shot right up his little rat nose. 2 star entertainment and 3 flips for the squirrel. As you may realize, this required a lot of patience on my part but not just a little bit of time. I read about stringing the feeders on wire and hanging them across the yard so that's what I did. Did you know a squirrel can not only walk on a very thin wire but hang from it and clean out a squirrel proof feeder? By now I'm feeling pissed. My wife says I'm obsessing and allowing the little !@#$% to get in my head. Not so. I know I'm smarter than a squirrel. I went to the hobby shop and bought 200 little wooden thread spools. Smart huh? I detached the wire from the house and barn and ran the spools onto the wire. With the wire and feeders restretched, I fixed a drink and sat back for the fun. Fun it was. The first dozen squirrels would make 2 to 5 feet and roll off the spools and hit the ground with the most wonderful dull PLOP! I was completely happy, for about a week. Then Goliath showed up. He was huge and I discovered had the balance of a circus squirrel. He drew up to the eve and studied the wire and spools. His little squirrel brain worked as his buddies looked on. He took a deep breath and ran out to the first feeder and stopped. All the squirrels were holding their breath from their little squirrel perches as he got a grip, hung himself down and cleaned out my feeder. In my mind their applause was thunderous. My wife said to surrender. I considered it but pride is a horrible thing. The next day when my girl got home was the second hardest I ever saw her laugh. I had unstrung each feeder, threaded a 33 rpm record album down on top of each feeder like a little cap. Did I mention we had about 23 feeders. Through the tears and knee slaps she told me the back yard looked like we were having a sock hop. I had the last laugh because it worked!! HA HA that, woman! I am truly superior. My birds and I enjoyed squirrel free feeding for a few weeks. That was the hardest laugh she ever had ay my expense. You see, in the south, in July heat those plastic albums melt down and form little black cones. When she came home from work Goliath and a few friends he trained were hanging by their heels cleaning out the squirrel proof feeders. The next few months were well, just sad although cayenne pepper mixed with the seed did burn when they rubbed it in their little squirrel eyes. I finally admitted defeat. We sold the house, bought a big boat and lived aboard for 3 years until last September. If you've read this far you'll really appreciate why I find this video so funny. Be sure to watch the whole thing. http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2016822185
b3kman Posts: 10 Joined: 2016/07/21	2016/07/27, 03:24 PM (Edited: b3kman - 2016/07/27, 03:26 PM) Wow I don't think squirrels would make me move from my house. You seemed to be really obsessed with them. I'm not too fond of squirrels myself, but I wouldn't move to a boat just because of them. I have to admit living in a boat house sounds pretty cool tho.