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2003/02/06, 08:58 AM
This is one for those of you going a 2nd time or more in a committed type relationship (ahum aka marriage and so forth)This is something I am very interested in seeing how other people do this. What you ask? This topic relates to pulling the finances together of two people from previous marriages/baggage carryons etc. What are some good methods to follow when two people with both different sets of finances - handle such when they become under one roof? Do you have separate checking/saving accounts and then one pulled for the both of you to cover current living expenses? How do you handle previous saving accounts or retirement accounts? What is workable/fair? I really don't know but want to see a poll of what people think. Me, myself, in my situation, (FAR FROM EVER STRIKING OIL, EARL!) feel, that I would continue paying off my debt as per my current budget but as far as living expenses, to also, continue putting in the same amount, maybe less in regards to housing - since it would be shared, and with what is left over from such, put in for savings --- together--for starters. (Does that make sense??) But then how do you do things such as retirement/other types of savings...are they designated to your siblings? I mean, my child is guaranteed to be in my life whereas, no relationship has.........a solid guarantee, you only HOPE that the relationship lasts...but today's lifestyles show that most couples wind up...divorced. SO, help, it is a good topic to me, of all of you to open up with your wisdom and share it with those of us who yet struggle, with finding a solid fair resolution. Thanks for any ideas/input because.............I just don't have a clue!
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2003/02/06, 11:00 AM
I have been married for 25 years to the same person so all assets are mixed and owned jointly. However, I am also well versed in estate planning for both myself, relatives and friends. This issue is an emotional and personal one and, in the end is decided that way. Some guidelines:
If the assets are significantly different, consider a preup. This will make sure that what was yours remains yours (and will pass on to your offspring if you die). Remember, it will offer the same protection to the new partner.
If assets, earning power, etc. are the same it doesn't make a whole lot of difference. However, going forward, you must decide who the beneficiaries will be (ie have a will). A joint acct that you both contribute to for shared expenses is probably a good idea. Then you can maintain separate IRAs, 401Ks, etc.
Again this is a purely emotional issue and in many cases, if you split up, the courts will decide who gets what.
Sorry this doesn't help more, I could write a 1000 page book with all the possible scenerios
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GRS
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2003/02/06, 11:44 AM
Ravenwolf and I came from the same situation, we keep separate accounts, pay off our own debts that we had previously to being together, but share all the expenses of the household and of things we buy for ourselves now, example, the house we bought, any new restoration done on it, utilities, groceries, and new things we buy for the home, like our new gym equipment. Just so you know, no way is an easy way, it is very hard and sometimes pressing when you are starting a new committed relationship and you both bring things from the past into it. It is hard enough just getting to know someone, let alone, living with them and learning all their lifestyles, budgeting, etc. but if you love that person and want to make the best life possible with them, it is well worth it! As far as the retirement and such, unless marriage or a long term relationship is in place, I would hold off on that for a while, if you marry or commit a long term relationship with the person, you are willing to spend the rest of your life with them, then you share everything! i know ravenwolf told me, when we decide to get married that he wants a joint account together for us to handle finaces, but for now, we have things separate and pay the home and shared bills together.
hope that helps, good luck!
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Bettia.... You are nothing less than Beautiful in my eyes.
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2003/02/19, 09:01 AM
Shucky darn - was hopeing to see how people operate under this big life deal. I mean - this is the way of life for the majority of people out there considering the divorce rate is so high.
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2003/02/19, 09:38 AM
I just recently asked my g/f to move in with me. We combined our checking accts and we both have a "mad money" acct for individual expenses, fun purchases, etc. We're both pooling our money to pay off each other's debt. It's working well. She's selling her house and we'll get quite a bit of money from that and will pay off considerable debt with that and buy a place together soon. I'm not one for separate accts and paying certain bills, etc. I like having one acct, easier to manage. I understand the separate acct thing can work well too.
I'm committed therefore, what's mine is hers and vice versa.
Hope that helped workingoutgirl.
Take care and good luck.
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2003/02/19, 01:49 PM
I found that my husband and I do well with separate accounts - we each have our own expenses to take care of, our own RRSP's etc. I find that with my extra money, I tend to buy the nice little "extra" things for the house (being female and love doing the shopping thing) while we save his money for the larger items; eg: our pool table, trips etc. So far, it has worked incredibly well - meaning: No fights over spending.
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