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2003/03/05, 07:31 AM
I have such a serious problem. I don't turn my boyfriend on ne more. He tells me what he wants but I'm just not sure as what to do. Although I am in love with him and feel very comfortable with him. Sex has just never been as easy thing for me to even talk about. And now that I am engaging in it and he wants different things I'm totally lost. He says that he wants me to "take control" Im so confused!! HELP!!
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2003/03/05, 07:43 AM
nicole; he needs to understand where you're coming from. try to talk to him. but you're still in high school and i hope he's not pressuring you into something you're uncomfortable with at this age. guys pressuring girls into doing things that they are clueless about is just a bad deal. if he doesn't find you you a turn-on anymore because you don't know how to do something, i would seriously question his motives. people who love each other don't get turned off because they aren't getting their way. they work through problems and try to be understanding to the other persons feelings. especially when it comes to sex. hey guys...jump in here and tell nicole the deal.
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2003/03/05, 07:44 AM
nicole; he needs to understand where you're coming from. try to talk to him. but you're still in high school and i hope he's not pressuring you into something you're uncomfortable with at this age. guys pressuring girls into doing things that they are clueless about is just a bad deal. if he doesn't find you you a turn-on anymore because you don't know how to do something, i would seriously question his motives. people who love each other don't get turned off because they aren't getting their way. they work through problems and try to be understanding to the other persons feelings. especially when it comes to sex. hey guys...jump in here and tell nicole the deal.
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2003/03/05, 07:55 AM
thanks for the advice. hes not pressuring me. sex was something we both decided on and discussed before we did it. I was fine talking with him about that. Its just what he wants I dont understand. He wants me to like be dominant over him and I want to please him because that is very important to me. I have just never been the type of person to be in control of someone
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2003/03/05, 10:29 AM
nicole: i think you just answered your own question. you don't really understand what he's looking for, and that is really really okay! it really is. i know you want to please him, but you can make him happy in other ways also, not just sex. not being a controling person is very healthy, and i think you're fine just the way you are. its just that you said that he is not turned on anymore, that is why i was questioning his motives.
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2003/03/05, 11:18 AM
its hard to explain, I understand what he wants. But I dont know what to do. If I do take a risk and try something I'm scared he will laugh or something like that. Its a big fear of mine to be laughed at.
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2003/03/05, 11:53 AM
why don't you ask him what he wants, but I agree with dancnyshopper, a relationship isnt a one way street , you have to be happy with what you're doing, and if you're uncomfortable just tell him that you are. And if you think u dont turn him on any more than why is he asking you to engage in sexual activities alot??????????? Just talk to him , and don't be afraid or worried.
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2003/03/05, 12:30 PM
Its not that I dont know what he wants, cuz I do. I'm just not sure as how to go about doing it. And what makes me happy is if he is happy. Dont get me wrong we're both happy with out relationship. But I guess I dont turn him on as much as I used to. So its not like he completley bored by me.
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2003/03/05, 01:29 PM
I think a big problem with young men is that they have unrealistic expectations. When all a guy has ever experienced before is porn and playboy, how can he appreciate what real women and real relationships are like? If he wants you to be someone from a movie or whatever, he's not wanting you, but his own fantasy. If he can't appreciate a real, loving experience, find someone who wants you for you.
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Think you can or think you can't; either way you're right--Goethe
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2003/03/05, 03:50 PM
I agree with effalunt
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Nothing is too small to know, and nothing is too big to attempt!
Ivan Montreal Canada
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2003/03/05, 06:37 PM
Is it that he usually does all the work (like the foreplay and such)? And you're just embarrassed to do the same to him? If so, you'll probably find that the longer you two are together the more you're less shy about things like that, but there's really nothing to it but to do it.
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2003/03/05, 07:29 PM
well sweetie, i think you are just not ready for this, at least that is how it seems. and at your age, no wonder! you should wait until you are totally readya and more comfortable. that is all i have to say on this subject. (sorry, mother of 15 year old and 3 girls..lol)
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Bettia.... When you feel like giving up, take it to the limit one more time!! You will SUCEED :-)
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2003/03/05, 08:45 PM
well its not that I dont feel comfortable, because to an extent I do. I am very much in love and I know most people would say at my age its not possible. Its just I have never been so close with somebody before so its like I dont know quite what to do in a sexual situation
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2003/03/12, 08:30 PM
Ok, look, don't worry about being embarassed. Girl's, usually the one's new to sex, seem to think if they do something different, the guy will laugh at them, but you know what, we don't. At least I know I didn't. A guy won't laugh at you during sex, ESPECIALLY if he is supposed to love you. I know you're only 17 and some people may think he's pressuring you, but I'm only 18 and I know exactly what you're talking about. Just make sure you know what he wants you to do, and make sure you're willing to do it, otherwise you won't be comfortable doing it. Other than that, just relax and have fun with it. :-)
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2003/03/14, 02:29 PM
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Quoting from effalunt:
I think a big problem with young men is that they have unrealistic expectations. When all a guy has ever experienced before is porn and playboy, how can he appreciate what real women and real relationships are like? If he wants you to be someone from a movie or whatever, he's not wanting you, but his own fantasy. If he can't appreciate a real, loving experience, find someone who wants you for you.
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This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this. I know you can be in love at your age...I was. And I know how it feels to love someone so much that if they are happy you are happy. But, I think one of two things is going on here. Either, he is being unrealistic based on what he THINKS sex and love are supposed to be like because of what he has seen in movies/tv/etc. Or, he is not being specific enough for you to know what he wants you to do. If it is the first one, then I'd explain to him that what he wants is not something that goes on in a normal healthy relationship and he'd do good to get some RL experience and stop thinking what media says is how it is. If it is the second one, then ask him to SHOW you what he wants specifically. Have him do this to you. Then you will know precisely what he expects.
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~Jennifer
http://www.gwindalyn.com
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2003/03/14, 02:31 PM
Oh also! If he shows you, and it isn't something you are comfortable doing, then just tell him so. If you are not 100% comfortable and uninhibited with something, you should not feel pressured to do it.
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~Jennifer
http://www.gwindalyn.com
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2003/03/17, 06:10 PM
I know exactly what you went through Nicole, lots of people have been in your position. I know its hard to just start doing. But try and be less self-conscious, you dont have to worry if you're doing everything 'right', there is no right or wrong way. Have fun, relax and just get used to your own likes and dislikes. You dont have to worry about pleasing your guy, he most likely loves you and wants more than anything for you to be happy. The best thing you can do is to find out what you both enjoy and then practice that and experiment. Im sure things will turn out fine
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