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2003/08/05, 02:37 PM
My bf and I have been together for 4 years now. Since then I've gained 40lbs. He's still a tall and very skinny. I catch him all the time looking at other girls, I mean constantly. Not just a glace either like going back for 2nd and 3rds. I don't think he finds me attractive anymore. He says he does and he wants to have sex all the time. I just think its because he's thinking about someone else or that looking at all these other girls makes him horny. He lives with me and doesn't have to do anything. Does anyone think he's just along for a free ride? I need to find a great nice guy. Being active is really important! :)
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2003/08/05, 06:12 PM
just along for a free ride? Hell yeah he is, you need to take out the trash.
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"Get everthing you want--just make a little change now"
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2003/08/06, 05:26 PM
Guys...lucky for us...they are not all bad! :)
I also have been living with my bf we have been together for 6 years. He is a great guy and works hard, we split the bills down the middle and he has always shown me his support. The problem is that since we moved in together, I gained 75 pounds! He was not happy. He continued to treat me with respect but told me he was NOT attracted to the extra weight. Our physical relationship declined to nothing and we really started acting more like roommates vs a couple. He actually suggested that we date other people. At first I was upset but then went for it. I met a great guy. He liked me for me. He accepted me the way I am. Well, roomie bf did not like that. As a matter of fact he was so afraid he was about to lose me that after six years he proposed! Well, what I am trying to say is that you need a bf who shares in responsibility, accepts you unconditional, and looks at you like you are the only woman in the world. Don't settle for less. I know it won't be easy..but try to let this guy go because you deserve better. In the mean time...diet, eat right, and exercise...be active. The more active you are the better you feel about yourself.
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2003/08/08, 10:42 AM
Thanks for all your advice, but I'm still not sure on what "we" will become. If it just ends up being with w without the e well then so be it. Thanks again!
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2003/08/08, 11:07 AM
I was in a similar situation several years ago, but from a different perspective.
I had been in a serious relationship for quite some time, one of which was most likely going to end up in marriage. However, after I started seriously training for powerlifting, our relationship started a decline: my gf gained about 50 lbs in a very short time. She could not understand my reasons for wanting to compete in powerlifting, nor did she really support it. She then would complain how she noticed women looking at me when we were out or how they would flirt with me. She would say something about the weight she gained, but would do nothing about it, and continued to gain. I told her that my biggest concern about her weight was the increased risk to her health (family history of heart disease). But she did nothing about it - she would complain, eat even more, and then bitch about other women, as well as my own sport. Did I ever cheat on her? No. Did I care any less for her? No. But she stopped giving me respect: not just about my gym lifestyle, but, more importantly, about my caring about her health, and her staying on this world longer than me...
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Michael
"Trample the weak; hurdle the dead!"
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2003/08/08, 01:20 PM
I think it is such a disrespect when a man looks at another women but what is even worse what the women is saying about the lady he is with......if there is a guy who looks nice i say look when your man is not around or girl..i know that my man looks when i am not around and when i am he respects ..i'm not saying that he does it all the time.....i like to ask him sometimes look at that girl she looks noce then he'll look and agree or disagree this is how i know what he likes....i know he likes redhead so i changed my color....he knows i like tatoo so he got him self two....but never would i look at a guy in front of him..and he won't look if i'm there. but to do it when your girl or man is around.....sooo low...
it tells me that they do not care enough to remember that i am right next to them......when a guy looks my way and he has a girlfriend next to him...i say to my friends ""see that guy looking and his girlfriend is stupid enough not to leave him." "if my man was to do that in front of me i would leave him to walk to his apartment and i'll never talk to him again" we forget how special we are with out people making us feel bad...so you gain some pounds we all do and we like when people still makes us feel special,,,but when they start looking around that is when it is time to leave'em and for you to start looking....if you have to think weither you should stay or not then you have answered your own question,,,,when it is good you stay and when your not wanted you go.....
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2003/08/10, 11:37 AM
you must have miss understood me that was what i meant....looking at another person is ok what her man is doing is staring knowing that she can see....i have been with my man 11 years from the age of 17 never would i look at someone in front of him and he me but i know that when i am not around he might look and believe you me .....where i live everyone knows us.....i do have a great self esteem about myself....i know that if my man was to do that to me without thinking about it once i would leave him....i do not underestimate him and he me...i am a lay back person but i don't and will never allow him to do what that girls man did to her ...please if it is all like that i would be single.....peace out get the story right
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2003/08/11, 09:11 AM
gtogirl: I think that he's for the free ride also. I don't think it is healthy to be with someone who acts the way you described, eg; staring at other women constantly. How terrible for your self esteem. And what a total lack of respect on his part. I wish you well and the strength to move on....
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2003/08/11, 05:51 PM
if a man (my man) looks knowing that i am next to him, there is no if and but about it he is out , out of my life in city my mind...i know that men and women look when there other partner is not around we are human.and to say it does not happen is a lie...it does happen more then you think....but to do it when your girl or man is around no way.....i look that does not mean that i don't love my husband or his mind or body...i look at other people (sometimes)if and only if i see something that i find nice and i will say to my self they really work hard or how stuckup he or she is..or he has nce hair,eyes..etc....i don't look to say oh yea baby give me your numberand i don't go home and say "baby i say this guy with the nices eyes" ..no! i used to think that my husband would live me if i got really fat ,,,but then i changed my thought around and said Fu$# it...if he is going to live then do it ...i will not let a man allow myself to feel bad....and iwon't....what i am saying why allow yourself to live in a home that your not happy in ....
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2003/08/11, 07:00 PM
If I were you, I would just sit down and tell him that your feeling insecure, give him your reasons, and just listen to him. If he doesn't understand, then its because he doesn't want to, and will make you feel even worse about yourself. But thats the chance you take before making the final decision of letting a loved one go.
Good luck.
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2003/08/19, 10:51 PM
Whoa whoa whoa. Gtogirl, my take, as a guy who has been in many long term relationships, is this. Just because he looks while you're around doesn't mean that he doesn't care what you think or if you catch him. I think it just means he's not too sharp! Ok bear with me.. I'm trying to help the guy actually. EVERY guy looks. We always have.. always will. You really think you're going to find a guy that won't look at other women??? Oh nelly.. good luck. I'm natorious among my friends for being the silly faithful guy even... but I still look! If he truly loves you, and shows you attention, would you walk away because of that? After 4 years I'd think there's more to it than that. Good luck and I hope it works out for you two!
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Dont wait! Procrastinate NOW! =)
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