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2007/01/19, 03:48 PM
Got a check yes or no note...from the boy she has had a crush on for quite some time.He wants her to be his girlfriend.Shes been asking me for awhile now what she should say if he asks her...apparently all the kids are playing boyfriend and girlfiend..I dont see anything wrong with it...they are just playing...but daddy says no...she doesn't need to play that way...shes to young for boys.Shes 10...going into jr high next year...I feel like telling her no and making it a big deal will make it seem bigger to her than she is thinking it is.
I've been telling her all along if he asks her...just tell him she would have to think about it...and thats what she dd...but NOW what do I do!!!!!
Daddy is already not going to be happy with me...
But I think its cute...what to do???Any ideas????:)
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2007/01/19, 05:51 PM
I don't think it is cute at all. They are too young, tell her there are many more important things to do at her age, like enjoy being a kid apart from the idiotic social pressure to become sexually active at younger and younger ages.
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Until you value yourself you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.
M. Scott Peck
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2007/01/19, 06:09 PM
Not sure on this KC but I dont think its that big of a deal. But thats just my opinion. Kids will usually do whatever they want and the more you say no the more they wanna do it. But im no parent. Daddys are always against boys though no matter what mine was until the day I got married. LOL I think if its made into to a big deal it will turn into a big deal. Sometimes its better to give A LITTLE space. But i bet my husband wouldnt agree. I know shes only 10 I had a boyfriend when I was 10 and all we did was to the busstop together. Its when they turn 16 that you have to watch out. but its your kids so you have to do what you think is right.
GOOD LUCK sounds like you need it.
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A** kissing only works if you know which one to kiss.
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2007/01/19, 07:31 PM
I think you have to worry way before 16, ff. I think the note is cute, but I'd have to agree with her dad. Kids are going to have crushes on each other and that's normal and healthy, but it is a little early to make it official. My son had a 'girlfriend' in 3rd grade. They had crushes on each other, but really just liked each other from afar. He did buy her a beanie baby for her birthday and had me take him to Walmart to watch her in some school performance. That was cute...but they weren't actually behaving like a couple. They kind of looked at each other across the room and grinned. Innocent kid stuff.
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2007/01/19, 10:26 PM
Okay so maybe you do have to worry earlier but that was the age when I went.....boy crazy i guess you could say. all I am trying to say is that most times making a big deal out of something small makes it worse. She is only 10 and not talking marriage its not like they are running away together. they wont be "dating" surely they would only see each other at school. Honestly I dont see the harm. You can talk all you want to a child about what YOU think is best in the end they grow up to make those decisions for themselves. I simply dont see any harm in a note. But like I said. Everybody has to do what they think is best for their child. If I had a daughter maybe I would think differently(but i doubt it). But my house is full of testosterone and these are the days I am thankful for it. they are much simpler in my opinion then girls. Though they tend to be more destructive. LOL.
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A** kissing only works if you know which one to kiss.
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2007/01/19, 10:57 PM
This is all crazy. Kids will be kids. Just because she got a "will you be my girlfriend, check yes or no" note, doesn't mean that she's going to go over to his house, and have sex with him. I think this is being a little ridiculous. Her father is saying that, not because he thinks its wrong, but because it is his little girl. He will be saying the same thing when she is 16, 22, 30...Just like kids will be kids...Daddys will be daddys...
L. Craig MD-PhD
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2007/01/19, 11:14 PM
I thinks it's a big deal, I was sticking my pee pee in girls when I was younger then 10 so if she comes across a boy like I was they WILL PLAY HOUSE, Dr and all them games perverted kids play.
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Knock-Um Down & Keep-Um Down!
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2007/01/19, 11:54 PM
I think it all depends on the maturity level of both the children...I personally think its healthy that children learn about forming all sorts of *relationships*..and im sure you will be monitoring it very closely KC...and im sure your communication with your daughter is very open and constant...thats all you can really do..and if he is anything like SFGiant then get a restraining order immediatelly...lmao
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2007/01/21, 02:05 PM
So I had the big chat with her...asked her what she thought boyfriend and girlfriend meant...she said it meant a little more than friends...a little more special...I thought that was a good answer...told her dad...I beleive hes leaning a little towards our side of the fence...shes a good girl...he HIMSELF has taught her that she will EXPECT to always be treated with respect from anyone...but especially a boy...in fact when she first started to like this boy at the beginning of the school year...he liked her and one of her friends and she said...with no prompting from me..I dont need to like him if he doesnt like only me...and he became a "dork" for awhile there...so I have faith in her...daddy has her out to pizza laying down the LAW right now...NO alone time..which is easy..shes not allowed anywhere a parent isnt present..I think she'll do fine.
Thanks you all!!!
MVP...you worry me child....:big_smile:
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"But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold"
My Wish
Rascall Flats
I sing this song to my kids...but I realized..it works for yall too....
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2007/01/21, 02:11 PM
I should add this...when I was a kid her age ...the WHOLE neighborhood was playing Dr...but we were unsupervised...there was always a parent home...but we would all be in another part of the house...the houses in our neighborhood were a good size...and we were allowed to close the door...no closed doors in my house...and its pretty small...cant get away with much.Her and her friends are generally here...since I'm the only Mom home after school...and I know the parents of her friends that she does go to...we're all on the same wave length.
I dont think MY parents had a clue what we were up to...I know better....
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"But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold"
My Wish
Rascall Flats
I sing this song to my kids...but I realized..it works for yall too....
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2007/01/21, 05:17 PM
excellent KC :) good luck with everything... I wish my parents had a clue back then :/
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2007/01/21, 10:39 PM
I know KC we were not supervised much as kids knowing that what i know now helps to keep eyes open when kids are near. They are entirely to curious for there own good. Glad your gettin it worked out. I think its okay for kids to explore as long as its not out of sight LOL
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A** kissing only works if you know which one to kiss.
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2007/01/22, 07:03 AM
Okay, in the words of my friend when they found out they were having a girl, "Now instead of having to worry about one penis, I have to worry about ALL of the them." It's so true about having a girl.
I don't have children of my own, but of course that doesn't stop me from giving my opinion about this. I think it's important for children to understand. Although your daughter may be very innocent, what about the boy? You don't know what type of innocent thinking he may or may not be doing.
I know it sounds old fashioned, but tell her that if a boy wants to go out with her, he has to get permission from the father. That way she is always off the hook for being the bad person when asked. I know if we have a girl, I'll be doing that even when she would want to get married. He better come talk to me first.
Just my two cents.
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2007/01/22, 08:28 AM
Come and ask HER dad???Poor kid would never go on a date..No..just kidding.She understands this to be just a little more than friends...I'm trying very hard not to let it become a big deal...and having this kid to our house...to talk to her dad...would make it a much bigger deal than it is.We had a long conversation with her last night about trust...that we trusted her..she has earned it...and she better NOT screw it up!!!!I've always told her that when she is doing something she isn't sure about she'll get a funny feeling in her tummyy...thats God telling her to get her tail feathers home and talk to her mama...and she always has.I told her...and its true..if she were a different kid...this wouldn't happen.
And you are so right FF...kids are MUCH to curious for their own good...:big_smile:
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"But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold"
My Wish
Rascall Flats
I sing this song to my kids...but I realized..it works for yall too....
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2007/01/23, 08:17 AM
great 6 more years to go til I get to hear this kind of stuff coming from my daughter..... I say play good cop bad cop in a joking sort of manner, but setting the ground work. Daddy being the bad cop and setting the line, and mommy gets to be real close and impressionable with her daughters decisions, and how mean daddy can be. :)
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2007/01/23, 08:24 AM
Careful with the good/bad cop routine. Parents should always have a united front to their kids. Nothing is worse than a house divided. Stability in a child's eyes is one of the most important things for their life.
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2007/01/23, 11:33 AM
That may be the ideal, but I'm thinking it doesn't happen very often.
KC, I'll think you'll be fine. I always liked boys. When I was in kindergarten I had a 'boyfriend' who was in third grade. He used to let me cheat at Mother May I. And we'd sit on the merry-go-round several feet apart feeling all tingly inside while the other kids sang Kathy and (can't remember his name) sitting in a tree... I count 3 crushes in kindergarten alone--one kid, John, shared his mat with me at naptime. But he kept his hands to himself. But even though I played doctor with Peter (and his peter) when I was 7, it was all harmless and mother really had nothing to worry about until I got to Junior High.
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Quoting from thepoohguy:
Parents should always have a united front to their kids. Nothing is worse than a house divided. =============
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2007/01/23, 04:22 PM
dang kathy...in kindergarden????:big_smile:
I didnt like boys until I got older...they annoyed me...
then I decided I liked them a little to much....:love:
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"But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold"
My Wish
Rascall Flats
I sing this song to my kids...but I realized..it works for yall too....
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2007/01/23, 05:08 PM
Yeah, I got an early start. I went to a Christian school in first grade and had a bf named Daryl Langseth. I remember during an award ceremony he sat next to me and put his around the back of my chair, just below my shoulders. But, again, he never touched me. But I know he wanted to!
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2007/01/24, 09:39 AM
that's why I stated "in a joking manner". I believe you need a united front as far as correction, but you aren't going to change how a mother can talk to her daughter about intimate things regarding boys. If done in a fun way, the mother can get really close to her daughter without her being afraid to ask the intimate questions. It worked really well for my wife's relationship with her mom while growing up.
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Quoting from thepoohguy:
Careful with the good/bad cop routine. Parents should always have a united front to their kids. Nothing is worse than a house divided. Stability in a child's eyes is one of the most important things for their life.
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2007/01/24, 01:40 PM
I have to agree with Amy on this one, perhaps I am stricter than most parents, but at 10 years old, come on???? That is wayyyy too young to be having a boyfriend whether it is cute to you or not.
My girls still thought boys had cooties at that age, even my son thought girls did too!
You will have to seriously deal with it soon enough, enjoy your baby girl while she is exactly still that...a "BABY" girl.
:love:
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Bettia
To be motivated, motivate others!
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2007/01/24, 02:51 PM
Oh and just to re-iterate what pooh said, that rule still applies at my house and my nineteen year old still brings guys over for me to meet before she decides... If I don't know them, it ain't gonna happen.
I take it an even further step and meet their parents, because if I don't see good values in the parents, there is no way in hell a guys going to date my daughter. I also, have their cell phone numbers, the parents numbers and give out mine. They always have to ask permission to do anything and I will know where they are at all times,they are pretty good about being where they say they are as I have been known to suddenly drop in unexpectedly and check on them.
My other daughter kind of huffed and puffed about it, but she follows the rules and what is even better, when she has relationship issues, who does she come to? Mama, that's right, exactly where I want her to come so no one else can give her off the wall direction.
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Bettia
To be motivated, motivate others!
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2007/02/02, 03:16 PM
I was just reading thru some of the posts that I missed while I was away and stumbled upon this one and figured what the hell, I'll throw in my 2 cents. I think you should bring kids up with enough knowledge and common sense for them to make there own informed decisions. Encourage them to ask you questions and that's what KC's daughter did. I think by saying she has to say NO, dismissed her question. Many kids wouldn't ask and would just do what the rest of the crowd is doing. Take the opportunity to explain why or why not you think its a good or bad idea and let them make the decision for themselves. However, you do have to choose your battles so to speak, so saying NO to drugs is a no brainer. Neither of my daughters "dated" while in junior grades (my youngest is in grade 7 now) but many of thier friends date. My oldest started dating a guy at the beginning of grade 9 and is still dating him (it's been a year and a half). It was tough for us as parents at first, but I respect her choices and now see that the relationship is actually good for her. She knows all about STD's and getting pregnant and we speak openly about her relationship. I've given her lot's of options to seek birth control if this is her choice, but due to her upbringing and education, has not pursued this option. Just saying no to a kid isn't enough, I feel you have to educate them constantly and allow them to make informed choiced. Sometimes they make the wrong choice, but hey, that's how we learn. Some of the conversations I've had with my daughters about other kids she knows makes me want to lecture her, but i don't, i listen and just reiterate why their choices are poor and how it may effect them long term..whether it be drinking, drugs, sex, skipping school....whatever.....so far so good with my girls and I'm truly proud at the choices they make....now if I could just get them to clean up their rooms!...just my views.
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2007/02/07, 03:59 PM
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Quoting from SFGiantsMVP:
I thinks it's a big deal, I was sticking my pee pee in girls when I was younger then 10 so if she comes across a boy like I was they WILL PLAY HOUSE, Dr and all them games perverted kids play.
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I dont know about you when you were a kid, but kids ARE NOT perverted!
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