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2003/04/13, 01:54 AM
Hey all, I don't normally do stuff like this, but somethings been bothering me for a bit.
I've been dating this girl for 4 months (im 21 and she's turning 21 in May). Things were going real well at first, and things are going good still, we both love eachother...She's full-time in school and she works... some days it feels like she's totally in love with me, and we hang out and have a great time, then other times (like tonight) she barely wants to talk to me, doesn't want to hold hands or touch, and just is really distant.
We spend a good amount of time together, sometimes I just feel like I'm just a nuesance to her... she has a hard time talking about stuff like this with me, she just doesn't always like to openly talk about our relationship.
She dated this guy for about 3 years and he broke her heart (that happened 2 years ago)... I think she's scared of getting too close because of this, but I'm not sure... anybody have ideas as to what's going on ?
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2003/04/13, 10:41 AM
I would play it low key for awhile. It could be a lot of things. Sometimes when we get our heart broke...that person still is in our mind and heart and maybe she isn't really "OVER" the other guy yet, especially if she really fell for him. So, you the new person.....may be someone filling the gap until she sees that "Hey, this relationship is changing what I feel inside." - thus finally making room for you in her heart. You'll know the signs, especially with the distance thing from time to time. Again, just play it cool if you are really interested in seeing where the relationship goes...but eventually, you'll both need to talk it over....just wait...for now. Love takes more time for some...even if they appear to be or "say" they are. Does she give you signs that she doesn't trust you at times? If so...it's because of the past...just be patient if that does happen and re-assure her that you are not like her past and she needs to trust people again or all --- ALL relationships will have a hard time dealing with that aspect of her...I know because I've been there. If it's right...things will continue to blossum....if not......you'll find a gal some day....and you'll know she is "crazy in love with you"! I'm there right now and yeah, I still have problems with the "trust" issue.....but eventually I'll get over it because of how I'm treated in this relationship...you just KNOW when it's real love!
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2003/04/21, 10:32 AM
I know of someone who is like that. She probably likes someone else or is still in love with an ex. Or maybe you spend too much time around her and she wants a break. If I were you i'd give her space, If she does go back with her ex or goes with another guy, I know you would be really pissed, but DO NOT get pissed off at her and call her names and all that. Just tell her you care about her and such and it sucks that your not together. most of the time the girl will realize that she was wrong on leaving you and will want to get back together, but she will not go back if you are angry with her and call her names. TRUST ME IF SEEN IT MANY TIMES
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2003/04/21, 12:52 PM
I think you may have hit it on the nose at the end of your message. When people get hurt, it takes a long time to heal, especially if they have spent a long term with the one who hurt them. Sometimes they just want the companionship versus being all alone, but they don't want to let the others in. I guess what I am saying is that she is keeping you at a distance for fear of getting hurt again, which is a normal human reaction.
Try discussing this with her and let her know that because of this, it is effecting your relationship with her. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help the situation, or maybe something you shouldn't do.
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