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2002/03/30, 09:13 PM
Hi!
I just joined last weekend (bonjour Nina avec tes croissants!), and I have to ask:
Do any of you fine folks have a couch potato for a spouse? My husband does not care to sweat one single bit, does not even want to think of going to a gym. He comes home at night and crashes on the couch, PERIOD. The only exercise he gets is his finger on the remote.
Now, I just do my own thing, I exercise at home and getting back in the gym nearby (we're lucky enough to have moved to closer to a gym which is only 10 min. away from our place) and since I work from my house, I can just go there anytime and arrange my work schedule around my gym time (yipee!)
But, I feel like I'm leaving my husband behind. When I get fitter (I've gone through this in the past, I see it as a pattern now), I want to get my active with him whether in bed or just to go out swim at the beach, walk in the neighbourhood etc... and all he wants to do is sit on the couch.
So I go to the beach alone, and just do my own thing but I miss the companionship of doing something fun and physical with a spouse.
After awhile, I sorta give into eating more foods with him (his only way of having fun other than watching tv) and I get more sedentary to be with him. This is not good, it's my choice obviously and I am no longer interested in this.
Long winded question to basically ask: How do you manage being married to a couch potato when you want to be more active and he's really not interested in joining up with you?
It gets tempting to team up with guys at the gym or other active friends... and I'd rather not get tempted in that way.
Help???
Thanks :o)
Nath
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Nath
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To the questions of your life, YOU are the only answer.
To the problems of your life, YOU are the only solution.
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2002/03/31, 01:39 AM
Hmmm tough question.
Difficult to make a person do sport if he/she just doesn't want to do it.
Try to show him your passion, don't force him but try to wake up his curiousity and then maybe one day he'll go with you.
I cannot see anything bad about you getting some new active friends thou. This can be a help to you and the worst thing that could happen is that your husband gets jealous and then wants to follow you checking out your friends......
I'm sorry that I cannot give you better ides. Anybody else?!!
(croissants, confiture, fromage, baguettes and vin rouge..... vive la France!!! :)
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- Nina :o) La vie est toujours aussi belle.....
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2002/03/31, 11:37 AM
I've been through a similar situation with a former boyfriend, so I can empathize with your dilemma!!
Is your husband overweight (a silly question, but I have to ask)? Lots of people think they have to be "fit" to go to the gym, which is soooooooooo wrong! Perhaps he needs to be reminded that all shapes, sizes and fitness levels can enjoy an active lifestyle. If at all possible, try to voice your concerns in a constructive manner ... ultimatums and nagging just don't work.
Maybe try switching TV for the movies or the theatre once a week? Then go for a walk afterwards to enjoy the evening and discuss what you saw?
Training solo can be tough ... maybe join a cycling club or start training with a group for a triathalon. Show your enthusiasm ... tell him how challenging it is, but also how much you enjoy it. As Nina pointed out, perhaps he'll want to try as well.
I'm afraid that's the best advice I can offer. There's really no easy solution. Good luck!
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2002/03/31, 12:57 PM
I totally agree with the above statements. When I started working out on a consistant basis at the beginning of last year, I was excited about it and shared my enthusiasm with my wife and friends. They pretty much said "Yeah, whatever" until they started seeing some real changes in me. This prompted my neighbor to go get his own weight equipment, and it made my wife ask more and more fitness-related questions. Point is, as people started seeing results, they wanted to learn more. Maybe your husband will do the same. Its a great way to spend more time with each other (only if you want to, of course!).
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--JBennett
"I've up-ed my intensity.... now up yours!"
"Pain is only weakness leaving the body."
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2002/04/01, 10:54 AM
I think you should have serious conversation with him. Tell him how left out you feel and want him to join you at the gym. If he really cares, he will join you!
It doesn't really hurt to have a circle of gym friends...this helps you with motivation and provides companionship when you're not with your spouse. Remember, temptation is a frame of mind. I see no reason why you can't have male gym friends. As long as they know you're not interest in them in "that way," they really shouldn't bother you.
It's always nice to have your significant other working out with you...but it doesn't always happen. If not, you have to think of what makes you happy (and healthy).
Good luck!
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**_Robert_**
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2002/04/01, 06:10 PM
I am actually dealing with the same problem myself right now. Mine is a little different because my girlfriend gets pissed if I don't eat dinner with her, but she eats fatty foods so we usually end up fighting. I'm only 23, we're not married, and have been dating for about a year and half. It's actually created a serious rift, and I'm making her get her own apartment now. So in my case, it will most likely cost me my relationship. I have alot less to lose it sounds like so mine can be a "what's the worst that could happen scenario."
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And my soul must be iron, because my fear is naked. I'm naked and fearless.
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2002/04/01, 07:46 PM
Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this subject.
Nina, don’t get me going on fromage et baguette, je prendrais bien du saucisson également!!! Yummmm hahaha
Kidding aside…Quads123 to answer your question, oh yes, he is overweight. He does not eat all day then eats so much food at night its unreal. No need to tell me how bad this is for him, I know it and I’ve talked to him countless times about it. He gets through periods where he will eat the lunch that I fix for him daily, and he sometimes also takes some breakfast along but most often than not, both meals come back with him at night, then he eats them, then eats dinner on top of it.
We live in the Caribbean at the moment (he was born here, although he’s of Canadian decent) and he hates to sweat, hates to move more than absolutely the minimum needed. He sometimes hops on the stationary bike (when it was a bit cooler at Christmas, now forget it, it’s way too hot for him). He could stand to lose a good 40Lbs. He had lost 30Lbs before just by eating his meals morning, noon and night, and he started melting away. He was eating what I was cooking (healthy low-fat). But he gave it up for no reason.
We have equipment at home (total gym, dumbbells, bike, stair stepper etc…) and he does not use them. The Total gym was his idea, and he did it one time, without wanting to go through the instructions to do it properly (he was seriously in danger of hurting himself with how he was trying to use it!!!! Makes me cringes….)
I’ve worked out at gyms before and had tons of gym friends (mainly guys because I enjoy doing free-weights the most and women used to shy away from that… and a lot of them still do!) So it would be little me and the boys at the gym and it was great. Never more than just buddies, and it was fine.
I do not know how my husband will react, he’s not the very jealous type but then again, I’ll be going to the gym during the day and be with him at night so hopefully, although I’ll be making progress on my health, he won’t feel too left out.
I do hope that when he sees how good one can feel when you’re in very good shape that he will want to join also. But I feel that you can’t change people, they have to want to do this for themselves.
All this to say to Cainsands that I’ve been married twice (10yrs the first time, 4yrs this time around) and from what you say about your relationship with your girlfriend: RUN like the wind. You do not need a relationship like that. And marriage to her will not make things better, if anything, things will get worst.
If your girlfriend can’t support your efforts for better health, at least she could respect your choices and not give you trouble about it. You’re fighting about this now, this is important to you, and will always bother you. You’ll be very unhappy and it’s not the way to spend your life. I’m 36 and I can tell you that I wasted several years in that first marriage. We lasted that long because he worked nights mainly (fireman) and I worked days. So we were like ships that crossed in the night! But we felt very differently about important things that we each had, and you can’t change those things.
Better find out now that you’re not compatible then after you’re married. Divorce is very expensive. No need to head that way if you can avoid it!
Sometimes life as a ‘single’ person is appealing again!!!! Relationships, relationships…
Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate your ideas and I hope he will get curious and want to do a bit more. It’s for his own health, I do love the guy and I just would like to have him around for a long time!
Later…
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Nath
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To the questions of your life, YOU are the only answer.
To the problems of your life, YOU are the only solution.
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2002/04/01, 08:15 PM
MY WIFE IS THE SAME WAY SHE ALWAYS SAYS SHE WILL WORK OUT WITH ME BUT SHE DOESNT. SO I JUST GO OFF DOWN TO THE BASEMENT AND WORK OUT BY MYSELF WHICH I AM GETTING KIND OF USED TO. I FEEL GREAT I HAVE LOST 20 POUNDS AND MY WIFE COULD LOSE ABOUT 40 POUNDS.I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU BUT TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WILL NOT GET YOUR HUSBAND TO WORK OUT WITH DO NOT LET THAT STOP YOU.........GOOD LUCK........
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2002/04/02, 01:45 AM
Hi Nath, why not come to France?!!!!
I have a niiiiiice little gym in South western France and I desperately need a trainings partner who's not afraid of the dumbells....
Give it a thought. (o:
But nooooo saucisses pour moi........ yuck! des crepes? ca marche?!!!
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- Nina :o) La vie est toujours aussi belle.....
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2002/04/14, 01:55 AM
Hi Nath how are you?!!!!!
Did you leave us already?
Still working out? Hubby is okey, you made him move a little?!! Give us some news!!!!
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- Nina :o) La vie est toujours aussi belle.....
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2002/04/14, 08:57 AM
where are you we miss you...................
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2002/04/26, 10:20 PM
Wow this was a wordy subject to pounce on. Isnt it cool to have a site and get advice about your relationship and working out? I've sucked for the past few weeks, mainly because (wahh) my shoulder is back to hurting (rotary thing pinching) so like..........when I wake up in the morn, I can barely lift my arm. Anywhoo...that and a new job has crunched me but...I am feeling like a fatty so I got to get it IN GEAR, the swim suits are out of the winter hiding spots and I have to look good somewhat. But, I had a husband (ex) that loved the couch and remote - more than me I believe...so that ended a few yrs ago. Relationships dwindle if the two arent willing to work together. Hopefully yours won't if you have some heart to heart talks about it all. I've met someone who loves to bike and work out with me so life is.............good! Esp. 2nd time around...not married but life is better! Hope you can gear his "rear" into going with you. GET him in to see the other guys who look cut and maybe that will get him going. Hell, even comment on someone you see - like..man that guys arms are pumped....maybe he'll get a little jealous and try to tone up! Good Luck!
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2002/04/27, 01:41 AM
Good to have you back wogirl.....
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- Nina :o) La vie est toujours aussi belle.....
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2002/05/29, 11:28 PM
Nath,
Maybe you and your honey can do something slightly active together that doesn't include the gym? Golfing doesn't make you sweat too much. Just start out maybe going to the driving range. Even if you haven't tried it, it could get him out of the house! It's a nice couple sport and can be a lot of fun. To begin with, set aside just one day a week where you don't go to the gym and you both meet up together. If you don't go straight home right after work, he'll have less of a chance to back out. The gym, especially with all your new gym buddies, may not sound good to your hubby--especially if he's been out of the gym for a while. Hope this helps--
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