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2006/01/14, 06:12 PM
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We've been doing the long distance relationship thing for a year now successfully because he's not that far away and I go see him whenever I have the money to do so (gas).
Lately he's been feeling disinterested in everything. He simply doesn't care about anything. We used to be able to talk for hours on silly topics, and I tried to start one up the other night and he said "I don't care enough to bother."
Talk about a kick in the stomach. He says its not me and he doesn't mean to hurt me, but that he's sick of all the monotony around him. I finally dragged that out of him last night.
I've been planning this romantic weekend (the weekend before valentine's day) so we don't have to stay couped up in his dorm room where I have to compete for his attention with World of Warcraft PC game. My biggest fear right now is that I'm going to put too much into this weekend and he's not going to care. He's being this big emotionless blob right now and the fact that he's feeling like this doesn't bother him.
I'm worried that he's going into a state of depression. I am so confused on what to do. It sounds like he needs this weekend more than I do yet I don't want to push him into something he seriously doesn't want to do.
I asked him something last night that would have made any other guy feel bad - I asked him if he was disinterested in everything including me. He didn't directly answer it but he said that what he's feeling isn't really because of me.
I feel bad because he doesn't. I feel worse for wanting him to feel bad when his happiness means a lot to me. I figured that at least feeling bad is better than feeling nothing, but then I feel so damned selfish for that.
I am so fucking lost.
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2006/01/14, 08:56 PM
I don't know your situation other than what you posted but guys are wimps when it comes to breaking things off. When they say "it isn't you", that's usually just a wimpy way of NOT saying "I'm not interested in you anymore." Can you fix it? Sure - if you're willing to make a whole lot of concessions and massage his ego enough.
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Mike
in Pensacola Now.
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2006/01/15, 12:03 PM
hey fighting london,
mikencharleston may be right - guys are pretty lame when it comes to saying they want to end a relationship. BUT...
Ask him if he is willing to talk to a doctor about depression, feeling uninterested in everything is definitely a sign of depression. This way you have done all in your powers to do the caring, concerned girlfriend thing.
If he isn't willing to look into that, then maybe he is just trying to worm his way out of the relationship - in which case, let him go. Stop putting in so much effort for no returns. At 35, I look back and regret how much time and emotional energy I wasted in my late teens, early twenties trying to figure out guys mental issues, when they really were just trying to get out of a relationship without doing any work themselves. I even had a boyfriend who started acting like he was becoming psychotic. Wouldn't it just be easier if they would say 'i don't want to see you anymore' ? Maybe they are afraid of the scene you will cause. But looking back now, I think the most graceful thing to do is walk away and find something better.
You will find out pretty quickly when he either does call and apologize, or you never really hear from him again what was going on.
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I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor.
- Henry David Thoreau
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2006/01/15, 05:19 PM
He's not that kind of person. He's very blunt and wouldn't dance around that. If he honestly didn't want to be with me anymore, he'd let me know. He says he feels detached and disinterested in everything, like he's watching everything from the outside. He has no opinions on anything anymore because everything is boring to him now (which is odd because he's usually a very opinionated person).
I don't know. I'm just going to sit back and see what happens.
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2006/01/15, 07:44 PM
That sounds like depression.
Does he exercise regularily/ A daily walk can do a lot to lift depression, exercise and eating healthily have been shown to be just as effective as Prozac (and there aren't any terrible side effects).
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I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor.
- Henry David Thoreau
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2006/01/17, 07:46 AM
Those do sound like classic signs of depression. I agree that you should encourage him to seek out some professional help. The romantic weekend should probably be put on hold until he is in a better place to enjoy it.
Is this his first time away from home? How is he doing in school? Could a 'substance' be involved?
Ultimately you may need to be prepared to let it go. I understand that you love him, but you must understand that you cant fix everything for him. He must be willing to get help for himself.
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