|
2003/05/20, 12:04 AM
Dieting with the Enemy
Are friends and family making you fat?
by Colleen Pierre, RD
Want to really bring out the worst in people? Lose weight. Ten pounds or a ton, you'll be showered with so much fattening food--by people who claim to love you--that it will send the price of sugar cane and lard futures through the roof.
Why is that?
I've seen it happen so many times to my weight loss patients that when they come in and confess they fell off the wagon, I'm ready with my ritual response: "Who did this to you?"
They're always shocked to think that someone else may have had a hand in their weight loss failure. Then it dawns on them: Oh yeah, the chocolate cake care package Mom just sent, the surprise candy from the usually unthoughtful husband, the coworker who left the gift-wrapped Oreos on your desk. "Why is that?" they always ask.
"Diet saboteurs," I explain. "They're everywhere." In fact, in one survey, 24,000 overweight women reported that losing weight created problems in their relationships that regaining the weight would have resolved.
Friend or Foe?
The problem usually starts because you're in change mode (and darned happy to be there), but your friends and family aren't.
"Rarely would a real friend malevolently undermine your diet," says nutrition professor Audrey Cross, PhD, of Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ. "They just do unconscious things to keep the relationship the way it was." And there are lots of reasons why.
They feel guilty. Your success pricks their conscience, since they may think they should lose weight too. But for many, teasing you back to normal with "you're doing so well; a little won't hurt" is often easier. And if it starts an eating frenzy that ends in weight gain, sadly, that's secretly okay with friends like these. You've proven once again that weight loss is impossible; now they can relax and not try.
They don't understand. Other folks (often spouses!) who've never had a weight problem can't understand why you don't go back to eating normally now that you've lost that weight. And besides, they've suffered enough with all the changes around the house, and they want this to be over.
They miss the old you. Or more specifically, the food experiences you once shared. Food is often how we express love. Baking cookies for your kids (and of course eating some together). Or going to happy hour with coworkers. When my client Stephanie began progressing, her husband started showing up Friday nights with a big chocolate bar, something they used to enjoy together.
How do you politely say "back off" to those you love?
--------------
I will lift my own weight someday!!!!!
THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
|
|
|
|
2003/05/20, 12:10 AM
I just read that article in Prevention Magazine. Goes well with Mutt's earlier post. thanks!
|
|
2003/05/20, 12:15 AM
I was on their site and after reading Mutt's post, I thought it would be a good one, It is so true!
--------------
I will lift my own weight someday!!!!!
THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
|
|
2003/05/20, 06:04 AM
It goes to show you how pathetic and self-centered most people are. Talk about sad.
|
|
2003/05/20, 08:05 AM
Wow jhadams and I were discussing this yesterday to a lesser degree :o)
Decided that a simple "I love you" and "No, thank you" would probably be best...Many other ways to express that you love someone....rather than gorging yourself for them.
Guess sometimes you have to reinforce your own determination <smile> and willpower when those close to you feel uncertain about your progress....a little love and understanding for their feelings, selfish or not, might go a long way to helping them feel more secure about the change too :o)
|
|
2003/05/20, 04:16 PM
Wow! I'm glad my roomies and I are all in "change" mode together.
However...
My family's visiting right now and while my mom understands my need for healthy foods and exercise, the rest of my guests don't really get it. Between this and Mutt's post, their attitude makes a little more sense.
You guys have awesome timing - I rarely have to ask questions on the board - the answers are already here!
Thank you!
-Krb
|
|
2003/05/20, 04:26 PM
A diet isn't just a change for a few weeks to cut some pounds - its a life style change that requires a huge commitment. As long as its seen as temporary, it won't work except for the short term. Its clear that all us "obsessive" folk have changed not only what we eat, but our lives. And it seems to frighten or offend so many others. Imagine, eating for purpose, not for pleasure. What they don't know is the pleasure of that specially chosen dessert, once a week or so. We're incredibly fortunate to be able to reach out and have flavor, calories, and opulence beyond anyone's imagination of just a few years ago. Now we have to be vigilant to control that abundance.
|
|
2003/05/20, 07:24 PM
My grandma is the enemy!! LOL! Not because she is jealous or mean or whatever. She is supportive. She always says I'm doing great and look great. But she has this thing with her grandkids. Any time you go to her house, you are given a dessert that was made "just for you". I think it's the grandmotherly thing. LOL! With my cousin, it's peanut butter pie. With my brother, hickory nut pie. With my hubby, cheesecake. With me, strawberry pie. Even things like Christmas Dinner she thinks she has to fix something special for each grandkid. hehehe
She's old and lonely. And I feel like I'll hurt her feelings if I don't have some of what she's fixed. Being on social security, it isn't cheap for her to do, and she's too old to be cooking like that, but she won't stop even when you tell her to. She's really a cute little old lady.
I feel like walking in with my fingers up in the form of a cross and hissing at her sometimes though. LOL!
--------------
~Jennifer
http://www.gwindalyn.com
If you dont stand for something, you will fall for anything.
|
|
2003/05/20, 10:21 PM
I was at a Birthday party this evening and wow I am not use to eating that kind of food. It was a chinese Buffet (all frief food of course).
I was at a table with my wife and 6 other guests. I didn't really eat much because of the way the food was cooked (fried) and guess what....A person at the table asked "Are you watching your weight?" You only got 1 plate of veggies? I said ...No, not at all, just not to hungry, I really wanted to say I just eat right but was to polite. Actually I had a protein shake 1hr earlier which was 100% better than the fried food.
--------------
We must become the change we want to see.
Ivan Montreal Canada (aka SpongeBob Square Pants to some!)
|
|
2003/05/21, 08:14 AM
:o) Hip hip hooray Carivan!
LOL Gwin...Kev's grandmom is that way....
She's always making pound cakes....They're so tasty..We live in a different state, so I don't have the temptation too often...
She's a spitfire though-almost 90 years old and still climbing through windows when she locks herself out of the house <smile>
|
