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2003/04/29, 01:43 PM
Apparently, I do not have the Gym Master vibe. Serious weight lifters stride through the gym Zen master style- you can feel the focused concentration surrounding them like a magnetic field. They know what they need to do, where to go and how to do it. People move out of their way, lines clear, machines become available. I’m pretty sure they’re using some kind of Jedi mind trick. I’m hoping to develop my mystical weight-lifter mind powers soon… it’s been really hard getting to those 5lb dumbbells, dammit! I feel like a spastic grasshopper wandering around the gym with my computer print outs, playing match-up. It’s especially fun showing gym staff pictures from the FT site and asking “Where is the machine that does this?” Their blank faces and obvious confusion can be disheartening. “Let me refer you to our personal trainer…” now has me fleeing in terror. At this gym, personal trainers work for the Dark Side (I’m sure there are good gym trainers out there…somewhere… far away…). My stalker… I mean gym personal trainer is balding ungracefully (yes folks, there is a comb over) with a paunch, love handles and smells like smoke. If you look closely you can see the little dollar signs in his eyes as he approaches you- big plastic smile (Darling! You’re looking WONDERFUL! Haven’t lost WEIGHT this week, SOOOO sorry!!! Let me tell you about our NEW program…. ONLY a billion dollars… after all we can’t put a price on our HEALTH now, can we dear…?). He laughed when my heart monitor broke… I loved my heart monitor. I felt all accomplished keeping my heart rate just so. Cardio is always more fun with technology; it’s like being in a game and keeping score. To win Fitness Miyu you must keep your score between 125 and 164… You WIN! Would you like to play again??? Anyway, He looks for me now when I come to the gym- dispenses stupid advice I’m considering paying him to keep to himself… I do NOT want to go see his ab ball for Gawd’s sake!!! In a way he IS helping my work-outs… when I do squats I add on more weight and imagine squashing his head when I step forward…. I fantasize about strangling him with my Pilates strap, uppercut to the jaw with a 5lb. dumbbell, trampling him while on the stair-stepper. I’m sure eventually, with much hard work I’ll reach Gym Master status- be all Zenny and in the “Zone”, but for now I want to get buff so I can beat up the personal trainer… Grrrrr!
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Release the evil... --Little Nicky
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2003/04/29, 02:05 PM
LOL@ Miyu. That was priceless! Thanks for the afternoon laugh!
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2003/04/29, 02:33 PM
LOL, funny stuff. You have a good sense of humor and it is unfortunate that you are being "stalked" by a bad personal trainer that seems to be everywhere these days. It gives us good trainers who actually care about people, live the life and and KNOW what we are talking about a bad name. Don't worry, soon enough you will be able to show him a thing or two. Good luck.
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2003/04/29, 03:04 PM
Ha, ha, ha! I got a kick out of that one! Do us all a favor and take a picture of this guy as you trample him under the stairstepper or as you squash him under the squat smith machine.
For now, "have patience Luke"...LOL!
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**_Robert_**
Pain is temporary; glory is forever!
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2003/04/29, 04:36 PM
LMAO! That is one of the funniest posts in recent memory; thought the Jedi comparison was hysterical. But what makes it so funny is because that PT image is soooo damn true! Like Socrates said: "If you cannot do, teach."
And the image of a spastic grasshopper......LOL!
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Michael
"Trample the weak; hurdle the dead!"
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2003/04/29, 05:40 PM
Yeah, like I’m gonna listen to someone who can’t get rid of his own fat a**? I don’t think so! I feel all hostile, aggressive… it’s spiffy. I do more when I’m mad or in that “I’ll show him, the jerk!” state of mind. I guess I operate on spite. Ah well, so much for spiritual enlightenment… even my weight lifting started as a determination not to be the fat chick on girl’s night out. Imagery plays a really big part in keeping me motivated… there’s the KILL the EVIL Personal Trainer work out fantasy and the Tinkerbelle fantasy- both keep me positive because they’re ridiculous- but true… I do have an abiding desire to inflict pain upon this creepy, icky personal trainer man. I mean, who says “Would you like to see my ab ball?” I think it was some kind of bizarre gym come-on line. There’s so much I could say about that particular line – I won’t ‘cause I’ll probably get my post deleted…. But come ON! An ab ball???
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2003/04/29, 09:12 PM
Wow, check and see if he has nicotine on his fingers??? LOL
When I was doing my "machine presses" at the gym last night,(this is weird) one of the PT came over to me and said I think you have the seat too high" I answered back and said, well, I want the handles to be here(pointing with my finger to my chest)he said OH, why is that? I explained why and he said, "ok" .
And he is supposed to be the PT. Glad he's not mine! LOL
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We must become the change we want to see.
Ivan Montreal Canada (aka SpongeBob Square Pants to some!)
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