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2004/04/09, 01:47 PM
As most of you know I am in the military and have been for 11 years...As the years have gone by I have met some of the worlds most extraordianry people and have built really good friendships with them. When you are in the military people come in you life and leave just as quickly and all you have are the memories. Out of all these friendships I have made in the various places I have lived I can honestly say that I keep in contact with only 2 people......... becuase once you move on the very thing that you had in common seems to go away.....you make more friends and build new relationships. I find myself feeling nothing when I leave these people or when they leave me and thinking that I should feel something...............in the back of my mind I try to reflect on the friendship that we shared and not the loss that we will experience. Does this make me a cold and heartless person because I am unable to feel sadness (even though I want to) when a person I was close to leaves. It is a life style that I have grown acustom to and cant help but wonder if in the end that I will remain a heartless person because I drowned out and overlook what I should have expressed and let myself feel but couldnt because there was always something else there to distract me. I have never dealt with goodbyes very well....they are very difficult to say the least. I just cant help but wonder if I created this person I am because of the lifestyle that I chose. Has anyone else ever felt this way......is it normal to know that you will probably never see a person again and not feel anything at all................am I human?
When I travel to see my husband I find the goodbyes heartwrenching but I am use to that........we both are....I sometimes wonder if maybe this wall I put up is a defense mechanism to save me from feeling everything in the world that I should. Does this mean that I am running from something? anyway I just had to get some point of views on this because sometimes I feel like a heartless monster who is unable to feel any emotion when it comes to other people or if she does feel anything she is certainly not able to express them........:(
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you can lead the horse to the water but you can't make them drink.....
~lynnoakdale
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2004/04/09, 02:13 PM
You probably couldn't deal with the pain if you let yourself feel it everytime, so you deny it internally.
Some day you will settle and make lasting friendships.
You can't be a heartless monster or you wouldn't be asking these questions. i think it is a defense mechanism.
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If you fall down seven times, get up eight.
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2004/04/10, 05:40 AM
My career has meant moving jobs every 6-12 months and I have to say I felt not a great deal at moving on and not keeping intouch with people, so you're not alone. I think when you make friendships that you know are going to be for a limited time only it's not so sad to say goodbye because it's expected. I don't think it's being heartless at all, because when I leave family I do feel emotional, and it sounds like you're the same.
In summary:don't worry about it :)
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2004/04/10, 10:05 AM
I think that when you meet people, you already know if they are really as close as they could be. You say that you keep in touch with 2 people. And you do this because they are true friends. Not that all the others werent but in this lifestyle we know. I have experienced the same thing as I live around the country's largest Naval Base, so even my children are learning this experience in their school friends as families are re-stationed elsewhere. I think we automatically know who is worth hanging onto once they are physically removed from our lives. I don't think you are cold, I think you are realistic. Just think, 30 years from now, all the different and wonderful people you have met in your lifetime, will never compare to most people's .. Your blessed.:love:
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It is no fun to be normal!!!
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2004/04/18, 02:00 PM
I say we're all going to die. Enjoy who you're with, while you're with them, and only depend on/make promises to family. When the rest collapses, family remains.
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--There are no versions of the truth.--
Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park II
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2004/04/19, 01:50 PM
Heh, wish I could agree with you Ogun, besides my parent's (and then that's sometimes shackie, there not together the way) my family constantly fights and bickers and try's to backstab so I can't trust anyone, and even in some cases my own freinds. I guess for me, I'd rather have some acquantances and keep the rest at a distance. At passings in my family, I've only cried for one person and that was my mother's father, my grandfather was the greatest male role model I had in my life and I never relized how much he meant to me untill he passed, after that for me life seemed to become very lonely. As far as gf's go, I've had 2 serious relationships and got seriously hurt twice, so now I could care less to care for anyone except my mother, father, and my sisters. Be happy to have had freinds in your life at all, because for some people it doesn't come easy.
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A determined mind is the best weapon in any situation, a strong body is the road to victory. G.R.C.
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2004/04/19, 02:12 PM
Hey Lynne oak....
If you are not concerned for your fellow man then what are you doing in the military?
You are one of a few prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice for a stranger, for an adminsitration and least of all for yourself....
I'd say that somewhere along the line you are in denial, either you deny what your purpose is or you deny that you are emotional and do hold feelings for those with whom you have established a bond and friendship.
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2004/04/20, 10:25 AM
nerraw..........I think that somewhere along the way my feelings got lost in what I should feel and what I need to feel in order to focus on my job and what needs to be done. Sometimes I dont always have that luxury of taking a moment and dealing with the things I need and allowing myself to heal....many times that gets pushed aside becasue there is always a greater cause....Yes I do enjoy the military and I never once think of it as the ulitmate scarifice....to me it is a way of life. This is what I do what I know and what I am good at.........
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you can lead the horse to the water but you can't make them drink.....
~lynnoakdale
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