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2004/04/10, 08:12 PM
Umm, my g/f today said she wanted to take a break, stop talking for a month or 2, asked if their was something wrong and she said she just wants to cool down. She told me to just give her some time....
and I asked her if she was going to break up with me, and she said probally not...
Im wondering if their is a chance she is going to cheat on me or something and she wants to justify it...I didn't really understand what was going on at the time so I just went with it... what should I do? I want to keep this relationship...
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2004/04/10, 09:45 PM
Well, first of all, I'm sorry to hear this has happened. How old are you guys, this usually plays a factor in her actions/decisions. If you're young (teens-23ish) then she may be using this as an easy way to break up with you. It's possible she may just want to "be friends" w/ you, and this is the only easy way to let you know this. I know that if I actually love someone, the last thing I would want is to "take a break" from them, especially if she's even cutting off all communication.
There's also the possibility that there's a lot going on in her life that she some time to sort out. But, again, if were me, I'd want all the support I could get from my b/f in hard times.
How long have you been together? Have you told each other the "I love you" words yet and really meant it? If you haven't gotten to that stage in your relationship, then maybe she doing this to see how you'll respond to all this, like a test. This is rather childish of her, if, in fact that is her motive.
My suggestion would be to flat out ask her why she is doing this. Tell her you want a direct answer why. What is her intention, her motives here? You deserve an answer and she should respect you enough to give you one. Don't let her play head games with you, you deserve to know what's going on since it directly involves you and your heart.
Good Luck:love:
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2004/04/10, 11:19 PM
umm its actually really really complicated, so complicated I really dont think anyone here will understand it, but I'll say it anyways...(im onli 17 by the way) Its a long distance relationship, I've never actually meet her, but I know her better than anyone else. Its been 8 months, I didnt go out looking for a relationship so far away I just meet her as a friend on the net one day, and it just kinda happened. The only reason I have'nt meet her yet is because of her parents, shes chinese and her parents are strict and ignorant. Sometime Id say late Januarary I sent them a letter (I cant even understand them when they talk and I was afraid they wouldnt listen to everything i had to say so i sent a letter) tell them I was her bf ect I would like to meet her sometime, and said i would meet them first if they wanted too, and everything, I was nice and straight forward as I could be about it. The parents didnt give me a reply or anything instead they yell at my g/f take away her computer, her cell phone, and everything, and told her never to talk to me again. (if she would have listened I would never known) So that went to hell, at that point her parents dont trust her for anything.. and still don't.. she has been upset 2 or 3 times since then, I think she is tired of her parents yelling at her (they montitor the phone records for my number now) , and she thinks we'll never get too met too i think because I always have to reassure her about that, and I would just go up their right now but my parents won't let me because they said they want to respect her parents...its all crazy, but she means alot to me, and I know ill never find someone like her again, I know I could find someone else I could love probaly but still not her.. I don't want to lose her, and today she told me and it was really out of place because we were fine all that week really good actually, then out of no where she tells me that I ask her why and she says she needs to cool down, I dont think shes cheating on me or will, butmaybe she wants to break up with me because its too much stress on her (whole relationship and parents) or she doesnt know and needs time to think about things. I talked to her for a bit later after she said that but after a while she said we really shouldnt be talk and said nite and bye...
and before anyone replys dont say to break up with her, ive heard that enough especially from my mom which is driving me crazy. And no stuff about me being too young I consider myself alot more mature than alot of adults, if you knew me you know why. I know what I want and I really dont want to lose this relationship.
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2004/04/11, 09:58 PM
Well, that is an interesting story to say the least. I can tell you that I can empathize with you in some ways, I too am in a long distance relatioship that never really "turned serious" until after I moved over 900mi. away. It took the distance for him to realize his true feelings for me.
I know why you want this so bad though, it's because it's somethingyou don't/can't have right now, or perhaps never will. I know how that feeling can completely control your emotions and feelings. It can become quite overwhelming.
Do you think that perhaps her parents are being so hard on you and this relationship because you are in essence a total stranger she met on the internet? I'm not trying to be sarcastic here; think about it: their "little girl" meets some guy on the internet, falls in love with him and wants to be with him. These are the kind of stories you read in the papers every day that end in the girl getting raped and murdered in the end. Of course, this is not what I'm insinuatin with you, but I'm guessing this is what they are seeing in you.
It's kind of a no win situation for you right now, but I've got some advise for you, and this is coming from someone whoes had their heart broken waiting for the impossible to happen most of my life (I'm 29 btw). Batten down the hatches, fortify your resolve, and prepare for a long, painful waiting period. I waited over a year and 1/2 for the guy I'm in love with, and I am overwhelmingly happy to say that all of my paitents (pretend I spelled that right) has paid off. If you really love this girl, then by all means, hold your faith to her for as long as it takes and see what comes of it.
If your really this determined to make things work, then make it work. Can you write to her, letters, e-mail, something like that? If so, send her a letter telling her she can take the time she needs to figure things out, tell her how much you love her and that you will remain faithful to her and wait for her. Tell her that if she decides that you are the one she wants to be with then do everything in your power to make it work.
In my opinion, too many people give up too easily on love and relationships. People don't want to work for their relationships, they want it to fall into their laps and let it work on its own. If you really want this, then work for it, man! Don't give up until you are sure it will never work. The way I look at it you can either give up now and spend the rest of your life wondering "what if I'd hung on and kept trying" or you can give it your all and do whatever it takes to make it work.
My aunt waited 5 years for her high school sweet heart to come home from Vietnam. The whole time he was over their, she wasn't certain if he really loved her, much less want to marry her when/if he came back. She waited for him, often times for months at a time not hearing anything from him. They are still happily married today!!
I'm an oversensitive romantic, and I'm sure many here will disagree with my advise, but hey, it's just the way I see things.
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2004/04/12, 03:52 PM
Give her the time she needs. It doesn't sound like she's specifically doing this to find other guys, so don't worry about that. Be prepared in case this all doesn't work out....internet relationships usually don't work out.
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