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2005/03/12, 01:01 AM
I'm wondering if anyone else is facing this situation: I'm not a maniac about it but I work out and watch my weight. Since we've been married, however, my wife has gone from a size 4 to a size 20. Once we were married she just started eating much more, stopped any exercise and started gaining weight. It doesn't seem to bother her and she even jokes about how fat she has gotten. I love her and have not made an issue about it but I wonder what happened to the girl who looked hot in a bikini.
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2005/03/12, 09:46 AM
Hmmm.
Are you supportive of her? Is she happy? Is there something bothering her that she isn't talking about?
I know that my weight gain after marriage was partially because we started going out to eat/movies instead of when we used to go to the gym. Also, having a baby shifted the focus from myself to the baby and I didn't take very good care of myself (took really good care of baby, though!).
Had some misfortunate events in our lives and ended up depressed and very overweight.
Only by confronting the depression and dealing with the issues causing it did i find that i could care about myself again and take care of myself by eating right and exercising.
I may be generalizing, but I beliveve that people who are overweight don't believe they are worth the time/effort of taking care of themselves. They prioritize everyone else first and treat themselves like a second-class citizen.
Tell your wife how much you love her and that you are concerned about her health - being overweight will shorten her life span, reduce her quality of life and put her at risk for health problems/ lifestyle diseases.
Make it a point to make 'fit' dates - ask her to go for a long, romantic walk with you. plan a day at the rock climbing gym, go bike riding together. Join a co-ed volleyball team, anything fun that you can do together and that will get her moving.
Don't mention that you just want her to look good in a bikini... keep the focus on her health and the quality of your life together.
Good luck!
oh, and refer her to freetrainers if she needs support or advice from people who have been in the same boat!!!
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GYPO (JK)
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2005/03/14, 09:53 AM
I am dealing with the same thing with my hubby, although, I, too, gained weight during our marriage and even more than he did, but I have been working hard at making positive, healthy changes daily and he has finally come around. He, too, would joke about his weight, and he knows I love him dearly, but I just couldn't NOT say anything anymore and told him that it wouldn't be a bad idea for him to join me and we could go on hikes doing photography together, something we both enjoy but the walking is "exercise" in his book! It has to be when they are ready to make the change for themselves, but with support, love and encouragement she may see your efforts and want to join in! I didn't think it would EVER happen in my case, my husband is soooooo anti-exercise, but he has joined me for an upcoming walk and I am hoping that we will find more and more fun things we can do together that is more active - the most activity he gets besides work is playing X-Box or computer games, lol!!
Good luck to you and your wife and as asimmer mentioned, this is a good place for her to join in and get some extra support!
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2005/03/14, 06:06 PM
I gained some weight when I fist got married but my husband never said anything. Within time I lost the weight because I was unhappy with myself. My weight loss was not as sever though. Im just afraid if you say something it might make the situation worse.
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2005/03/15, 06:05 AM
You do have to be very diplomatic in these situations, but just take any opportuntiy you can.
My husband has complained for a while now about being heavier than he'd like. I've told him that I think he looks fine (which is true) but I know he's not happy.
He has now agreed to go cycling with me, and I have just discovered that he would have done this a long time ago, but he worried that he was too unfit to keep up with me. It never occurred to me that this might be a factor.
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2005/03/15, 06:56 AM
try to get her to be mroe involved....go for a late night walk or early morning walk....
start to cook...healthy meals
get rid of all the junk food from your house...if it's not there....it's hard to get to it....
finally appeal to her rationality...don't say you're less attractive....instead tell her how you're worried about her weight gain and how that extra weight makes her more susceptible to many diseases/disorders and you want her to be healthy....and live a long happy, healthy life....and how you couldn't imagine life if you lost her....if she won't do it for herself then she might do it for you...(just the way some people are....)
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2005/03/15, 06:59 AM
err more involved....with you...so that you both go for that late night walk*
or go and shoot a basketball....it will be goofy especially if you never played...but it will be fun exercise....
or tennis...hiking....etc...
good luck
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2005/03/16, 05:13 PM
Asimmer, I might have said this before, if I haven't I know I have thought it.
YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION.
PERIOD.
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2005/03/17, 01:23 AM
Ditto to what nerraw said.
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