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2004/02/17, 02:35 PM
i just found out that last time i was home on leave i got my feiance pregnant. today she called me, and told me that, i'm only 19 how am i gonna raise a kid, i mean most consider me a kid, i can't belive this! we are getting married in september anyways, but this is going to be hard, i mean i am in the navy, i do not want to watch him or her grow in pictures, any advice?
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2004/02/17, 02:48 PM
first off, breathe. I know how hard this is. When I got pregnant, I was 19, and my husband was 17. My husband looked into the Navy, and from what he saw they are very family oriented so there should be some kind of extra income or assitance since you will be expecting a child. Once you are married, can't she come live with you on base, or are you not to that point yet? Also, depending on how far along she is, she might be able to live with you because she is pg. Talk to your recruiter/someone above you to find out what your options are, because until you do that, you are just going to be floating around and guessing. If you need support of any kind please let me know...we placed our daughter into an open adoption,so there is lots of support for you here from us.
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2004/02/17, 02:55 PM
thank you, i am not worried about money, i live in an appartment and collect alot of extra money, now that i am going to be a dad i will be making about 2800 dollars a month compared to the 2400 i make now i am not worried for that, its just i have not got to enjoy life it seems and now this.
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2004/02/17, 03:03 PM
Don't freak out. After the shock wears off it will all start coming together. Now would be an excellent time to start checking out the resources available to you on the base. Talk with some of your married shipmates and their wives. Get some advice from them. They know whats available. Keep your shit together your fiance needs you and remember that many have been where you are and have survived. Oh and by the way-Congratulations!
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2004/02/17, 03:04 PM
well, if money is not a worry, then don't worry about it at all. You won't need any extra stress from yourself. Try not to think about the "bad" things and look for positives, like finding out about how healthy the baby is, or seeing ultrasound pictures..get excited that you are bringing a new and beautiful life into the world even if it's not according to your timeline. Life can seem like a never ending struggle, and when it gets like that, you have to look at the small blessings...a few minutes of sunshine after rain, a whiff of perfume that reminds you of someone you love..I know it sounds cheesey, but holding on to those little things make the big picture a little easier to look at. And, like I said, find out what your options as are as far as having your wonderful lady living with you, because if she can, then why couldn't your little one? It's a wonderful thing that is happening in your life, as long as you allow yourself to see it that way.
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2004/02/17, 03:13 PM
thank you, i appriciate it very much.
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2004/02/17, 03:20 PM
just wanted to add that i guess its just a shock, you know, getting a call from the love of your life and her telling you that "we are gonna have a baby" i just wanted to give her a hug, but i am a thousand mile away, i just want to be there with her, and i know that everything is gonna be fine i just ....
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2004/02/17, 03:53 PM
Yeah-a million worries. I was in the Navy when my first son was born. So I know a little of what you are going through. You may want to consider moving your wedding day up. You guys really need to be together if possible. Also remember the old proverb, "How do you eat a 10 ton elephant? One bite at a time." If you are not careful you'll end up worrying about grade school stuff before the babies born. Been there, done that. Hang in there. I imagine your fiance has plenty of worries as well.
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2004/02/18, 03:34 PM
Oh what an exciting, yet scary time for you. My husband would love to hear those words. Congratulations! My son is in his 4th year of a 5 year hitch in the Navy and they are trying to plan for their first child. It is hard because of deployments to be there for the whole thing, but do what you can. Is this your first year in? Are you eligible for base housing after you are married? If there is a waiting list you might want to get on it now. Why do you have to wait til Sept to get married? Do you have any leave before that? My son and his wife (who were both 19 at the time) had planned to wait and get married in May when he got home from deployment, but moved it closer, to Dec, when he found he could get 2 weeks vacation. It was a whirlwind and she had to do most of the planning, but they were glad to get it done and get their life together started sooner. They managed the wedding, a short honeymoon and a move to the next state all in that 2 weeks. And they got to spend their first anniversary in Italy! Think of all the good things that will come of this. Keep us posted. (Since you cant give her a hug, send her flowers saying how happy you are.) Best of luck to the 3 of you.
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~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
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