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2005/07/19, 07:24 PM
ok, my husband and i have been married for almost 8 months now. I love being married and we love each other. I am young(18) and so is he so we are kind of growing up together. I will be attending colleg this fall and we do not have a child or anything. Now, when my husband was younger he had an anger poblem but he went to couseling, not that it resolved the problem.but he went through a lot when he was little too. ( his mom had a real tragic death and he was raised by his grandparents). Well, i have never been scared of him hitting me or nothing like that but when we fight or argue he gets so mad and just shuts down. We never finish an arguement and get it commpletely worked out, ever. I try to just talk to him but he says things like, I know I am a bad husband and you do everything right(sarcasticaly!!). Then thats it. He won't try to work it out. It is just so fustrating!!! I know it's weird thing to say but we just don't know how to fight. Please help!!
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2005/07/19, 08:32 PM
See a marriage counselor or go to couples therapy.
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2005/07/20, 08:26 AM
Sounds like me when I was young. He probably has a whole bunch of deep rooted issues. See if you can convince him to see a therapist. He also probably needs some anger management.
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2005/07/21, 04:01 AM
I think the best time to discuss things is when you both are calm and level headed...when you're mad and arguing it's hard to just put feelings aside and talk it out...you need time to yourselves to calm down...
you can then sit down and make a list of things(habits, things you say to each other, etc)that you would like the other to work on...whatever it is...it is obviously has to be something that's feasable ....and that's possible to change....start with small things....like putting away things away, doing the dishes when you eat not a week after, etc....and working towards expressing yourselves better when you're irritated,annoyed, angry, and so forth...it will be a long effort....but you can move a mountain...one pebble at a time....
also never blame him....never say YOU....instead say I or it makes me feel .....whenever talking about an issue...which will decrease the likelihood that he'll become defensive and will be more likely to talk to you....like 'it makes me sad when you just shut down and don't talk to me....b/c i love you so much and want to help you'.....something like that....
Seeing a marriage counselor or a psychiatrist is also a very good idea...although psychiatrists can cost quite a bit...and it takes a while to talk through the problems.....so try to talk it out....and if that fails go to a marriage counselor...or a neighborhood clinic....
hope you resolve your issues...
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2005/07/21, 06:23 PM
thanks for the advice. I will definitely try it. we have talked a lot about how we handle situations and we both agreed to think before we speak and just get our feelings out in the open. like you said 'one pebble at a time'. thanks so much!!
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Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. -Newt Gingrich
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