man trouble - FreeTrainers.com Forums

Group: All Else Lounge

All Else Lounge

Created: 2011/12/31, Members: 42, Messages: 22740

This is the place you can discuss anything else that is on your mind that isn't already covered by other groups. Share what's on your mind and see who else has something to say about it!

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man trouble

Kalanchoe Posts: 400 Joined: 2003/02/18	2003/04/22, 01:50 PM Aloha! Been with this guy for about 1 1/2 yrs. We met at uni(he graduated last summer, i have another yr and a half to go). We were best friends for months, doing fun stuff all the time, but then, literally as soon as we got together, we stopped doing anything. the passion went a long time ago, and hasn't come back. He got me into the gym, and lifting free weights in the first place, and it was his muscular body that first attracted me to him. Now he works wierd hours, so i can appreciate that he's tired, but we never do anything except watch tv. The other alternative he wants to do is go to the pub. I have athsma, and i run a lot and ciggie smoke plays merry hell with my lungs and everyone at his house smokes so i wheeze whenever i go there, which is often, cos there's even less to do at my house. Also, i don't want to go to the pub all the time. Even if i don't drink alcohol, there are very few (or no) healthy alternatives. I have to get him back into fitness, but he's just not interested. And thru my frustration with him, my libido has vanished and i'm beginning to think mean things about him. Leaving him is not an option. i dumped a boyfriend of 3 yrs and it was an experience i never want to repeat. Also, this guy i'm with moved across the country to be nearer to me, pours affection on me all the time, tries to hold my hand constantly, and stare into my eyes, and to be honest, i just don't feel up to responding. Also, and this is possibly the worst part, i'm finding it easier to relate to action actors in films these days than sleep with someone i love. i just don't know what to do.

Kalanchoe Posts: 400 Joined: 2003/02/18	2003/04/22, 01:56 PM ...I suddenly feel a lot better for having just said all of the above! A weight has been lifted...should've spoken to someone a long time ago. and i have something to add - It wud seem unfair of me to tel my man bout these problems cos there's nothing he can do bout them if he's too tired and wants to smoke, so it wud b unfair of me to expect him to change. that said, if anyone has a solution, then you have the wisdom of Confuscious! xxxxxxxx -------------- My body only feels good when it burns! Little voice telling you to quit? Put your fingers in your ears! *"Life shrinks or grows in proportion to one's courage"
Ravenbeauty Posts: 3,755 Joined: 2002/09/24	2003/04/22, 02:04 PM oooh, sounds like you ar in a tough position kalanchoe, but he has the right to know how you feel, for both your sakes. I would sit down and have a long talk with him. good luck! -------------- Bettia.... When you feel like giving up, take it to the limit one more time!! You will SUCEED :-)
I_Am-aZon Posts: 893 Joined: 2003/02/18	2003/04/22, 02:08 PM I agree with ravenbeauty kalanchoe. Communication is so important to a relationship. Resentment/frustration is usually a result of this - perhaps "clearing the air" with him may help?.....Maybe you both could find a unique activity that you could do together, away from the pub?
Kalanchoe Posts: 400 Joined: 2003/02/18	2003/04/23, 06:47 AM Thanks peeps, i'll try it. Oh this is gonna get ugly...
skinnyrobin Posts: 224 Joined: 2002/05/10	2003/04/23, 07:47 AM talking to him about it is probably the best solution. but remember, if things don't work out and continue the way they are, you have to dump him. its your life in the end, don't forget that. just coz he moved closer to u, doesn't mean u have to get married. when you lose that spark you had and you can't get it back, there is no point anymore. thats how it is in relationships. i'm sure he'll understand. -just my opinion.
Kalanchoe Posts: 400 Joined: 2003/02/18	2003/10/15, 07:30 PM Well, i did it, i dumped him. We're now the best of friends and i love the freedom of being single.
skinnyrobin Posts: 224 Joined: 2002/05/10	2003/10/16, 08:57 AM congratulations! i'm happy for you!
azredhead57 Posts: 1,651 Joined: 2003/04/11	2003/10/16, 04:31 PM Wow! Good for you and congrats on your new status. Doesn't it feel good to get out of a bad place and back into the light....so to speak?! -------------- ~Victoria~ ...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
JohnMollen Posts: 10 Joined: 2003/10/20	2003/10/21, 08:53 PM so your single now eah?!? so why dont come over and see me some time? JJlol! anyway, thats great that you made such a tough choice, some people would just settle for a unchangable situation, ya know. you sound like a woman that knows where shes headed, as well as where she's going. my hats off to you ma'am!!!