2016/08/30, 02:35 PM
(Edited:
MelBelle28
- 2016/08/30, 02:42 PM)
I first started this long journey at 198lbs in 2010. I began with doing workouts by Denise Austin, following a controlled diet and I shed a lot of 'water weight'. When I went down about 15lbs, I started doing the Team Beachbody programs with a serious level of focus, one after the other. By October 2012, I was down to 152lbs and success was at my fingertips.
I went through a tough breakup and rode an emotional rollercoaster for a few weeks. Then I started dating again (my now husband) which comprised of lots of daily food splurges, even though I was maintaining my workouts. I knew I was wreaking havoc on my weight loss goals and progress and was scared to ever step back on the scale. I tried to regain control but was never really able to.
I found out I was pregnant in September 2014. At the first doctor visit, the nurse had me step on a scale and I was MORTIFIED! Back up to 188lbs at only 6 weeks pregnant.
I decided there on I wanted to have a healthy active pregnancy. When I was past the morning sickness phase, I started doing light workouts at medium intensity, 5 or 6 days a week at 4 months pregnant. I cut out all junk and fought my cravings with great valor. My heaviest weight at the time I gave birth was 210lbs. I worked out until a day before I gave birth.
For two and a half months after birth, I was very, very depressed but hid it from everyone. I hardly ate and cried a lot. I slowly started working out once a day for 30 mins and got back down to 166lbs which made me sort of happy but I was still depressed.
I started back working out at full high intensity when my son was 4 months old. I was not weighing myself but everyone was commenting on how thin I was getting, which made me feel better.
I must have gotten careless with my diet again because to date, I'm 171lbs. I don't want to give up because, as I told my husband, I want to be a fit mom and the "hot wife hanging from his arm". I want to flatten my belly, chisel my core and have toned arms and nice legs and see 150 or even less on the scale. I want to be able to wear clothing without feeling self-conscious ad wear a tankini or even a bikini with confidence and a smile. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not see fat ad jiggle and rolls everywhere.
I don't really have the ideal budget to eat healthy (babies are NOT CHEAP). My husband is supportive and checks me when I overdo it with the junk food. He does try to help me eat healthier and gives me that extra push when I need it.
My ultimate hurdle I can never seem to jump over is emotional eating and I know this is the culprit. When life gets hard and I become angry, depressed or even happy, I eat all sorts of things I know I shouldn't be eating in large quantities - like chocolate (especially white chocolate), caramel popcorn and sweet sandwich cookies like Oreo.
I really cannot bear to look at myself in the mirror - with or without clothes on. I always get so demotivated and feel like crying, but I hide it from my husband. I was actually considering joining a weight loss clinic and even liposuction. I also was looking to get gastric bypass surgery but I do not fit the criteria to be a likely candidate. I'm so desperate to get back down to 150lbs so I can love myself. But I won't give up and I don't want to.
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