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Mens Rules for Women

INTRUDER Posts: 642 Joined: 2002/06/27	2003/02/28, 03:39 PM Subject: Men's rules The bottom line should get us husbands out of this mess?? I hope!! We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Check your oil! Please. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.) 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. 1. BEER is as exciting for us as shoes are for you. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping. 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape. ---------------------------- "Get everthing you want--just make a little change now"
ageis Posts: 198 Joined: 2002/10/25	2003/02/28, 09:13 PM oh man, this is the most enjoyable post I've read yet. My hats off to you Intruder. I love how each rule is #1 =) -------------- MOO!
jbennett Posts: 1,558 Joined: 2001/02/28	2003/02/28, 09:41 PM LMAO!!! Great! Funniest thing I've read in a while. -------------- --JBennett "I've up-ed my intensity.... now up yours!" "Pain is only weakness leaving the body." "Never think of how weak you are; think of how strong you're going to be."
Kalanchoe Posts: 400 Joined: 2003/02/18	2003/03/01, 05:41 AM I love it! Its soooooooooo true! If its ok wi u, i'd like to print it off and stick it to my fridge! K ;D -------------- My body only feels good when it burns!
jacksprat Posts: 72 Joined: 2002/10/19	2003/03/01, 12:14 PM ============ Quoting from INTRUDER: Subject: Men's rules A better subject would be "some" men's rules. You certainly don't speak for me.
Ravenbeauty Posts: 3,755 Joined: 2002/09/24	2003/03/01, 08:50 PM once again, this is all in fun and i can relate to some of these minus that my guy is a more sensitive then i am and he can outshop me and my 15 year old daughter! LOL! jacksprat - can we say WAAHHHHHHH!!!! (relax, it's all good) -------------- Bettia.... When you feel like giving up, take it to the limit one more time!! You will SUCEED :-)
INTRUDER Posts: 642 Joined: 2002/06/27	2003/03/03, 11:43 AM JACKSBRAT: OK? ============= -------------- "Get everthing you want--just make a little change now"
dougherty36 Posts: 89 Joined: 2003/02/22	2003/03/03, 11:53 AM my thoughts exactlly
roni0906 Posts: 1,008 Joined: 2002/01/24	2003/03/04, 07:40 PM Just had to comment on this one. It is very funny, me and my husband both laughed at the statements. -------------- Lisa Just laugh about it....
skinnyrobin Posts: 224 Joined: 2002/05/10	2003/03/05, 02:33 PM brilliant! the most honest and best thing i've read in ages!!!
mattwilson Posts: 54 Joined: 2003/02/27	2003/03/29, 02:46 AM Alright, where did you copy this from? Did you get it from Jackie the Joke Man? I am just kidding. It was that funny. I didn't stop laughing. -------------- Pain is weakness leaving the body
jnellie Posts: 924 Joined: 2002/02/24	2003/03/30, 08:04 AM lmao...good one man
Lonegirl Posts: 446 Joined: 2002/11/13	2003/03/30, 10:01 AM LOL quite humourous...but thank god my hubby is not the typical guy who does half that nor am I the typical girl who would comolain anyway. :) LOL Change the oil...I had to show HIM how! :)