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2004/11/23, 12:11 PM
Hello, my boyfriend recently broke up with me. come to find out he does not want to get back with me because he is afraid if he goes back to iraq he will not come back alive, and therefore does not want to put anyone through pain. Is this normal for men who have been to iraq twice?? I tell him I will always stand by his side but it is like if he does not even care. please advice on what I should do---back off or still express my feelings to him
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2004/11/23, 12:38 PM
Angel, when a man tells you he has something he has to do and that you can't be a part of it, you need to get out of his way and let him go do it. We can't know what he knows about where he is going, his reality and yours are not the same things. If you really love him and want to stand by his side then send him back to Iraq with a memory of you that will bring him comfort, not this other stuff.
Sometimes the people we love have to go it alone. Send this man back to the war with all the dignity and love you have.
This is going to be very hard on you, and I'm very sorry that you are suffering.
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Anni
*******
Hard work must have killed somebody
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2004/11/23, 12:48 PM
Thanks. It is the hardest thing I have to do, but deep inside I know I must let him go, and like they say if it meant to be he will return someday
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2004/11/24, 10:02 AM
I'd say let him go, he doesn't need any extra "baggage" with him. Not necassrly you, just the emotional aspect. Don't let the last thing he reambers of you be an argument before he has to go back.
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2004/11/24, 10:07 AM
Remember that he has been in a warzone twice and he has more than likely witnessed people die. I cannot imagine what is going on in his head, but he may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My advise would differ from the folks above. I would say that now more than ever you need to be by his side. He needs to know that someone cares about him and supports him. I would try to get to the bottom of why he is feeling the way he feels and maybe recommend that he see someone if it is bad. How long were you guys together, and was it serious? People that come back from warzones often times have a hard time readjusting. Take it for what it is worth.
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I am not conceited; I am convinced.
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2004/11/26, 01:40 PM
Thanks hecdarec. I have tried my hardest to show him that I care about him and that I will always be there for him, but he always answers with words that hurt me. I have never yelled at him or called him out of his name and when he does i just on the other line taking it because I want him to realize that I am not going anywhere and willing to be by his side. We were together for over a year and it was serious. A couple days before we broke up we were taking about getting married in a year, when he will be moving in with me and having a family. So for him to flip on me a few days later has surprised me a lot. Until this relationship works out, I will be by his side and continue to say that I support him. Thanks for the advice everyone!!
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2004/12/01, 04:39 PM
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Quoting from angel60067:
Thanks hecdarec. I have tried my hardest to show him that I care about him and that I will always be there for him, but he always answers with words that hurt me. I have never yelled at him or called him out of his name and when he does i just on the other line taking it because I want him to realize that I am not going anywhere and willing to be by his side. We were together for over a year and it was serious. A couple days before we broke up we were taking about getting married in a year, when he will be moving in with me and having a family. So for him to flip on me a few days later has surprised me a lot. Until this relationship works out, I will be by his side and continue to say that I support him. Thanks for the advice everyone!!
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Sounds like there's more to it since he turned 180 degrees in a short period of time. At this point, it seems like you only have 2 options which people have already given you. As far as your feelings are concerned however, it helps to talk to others who are close to you (which you probably already did).
In the end, I'm sure you'll find out when he returns from his tour of duty. Good luck.
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**_Robert_**
Pain is temporary; glory is forever!
E-mail: rpacheco@freetrainers.com
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2004/12/01, 06:51 PM
Come to find out there is more to this story, I guess because he returned from Iraq he is feeling pressured or trying to get used to his normal life. He will not be returnig to Iraq any longer because he has been out there twice. My friends have stated that many military men who have returned back from war, find it difficult to settle down and have a relationship and therefore, breakup with their partners. AT this point I am just giving him time alone and once in a while I call him. But for now I have to ride it out and hopefully he will realize that I still love him and here for him. Oh well life goes on!!:)
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2004/12/08, 03:08 PM
angel,
I haven't been on freetrainers in a while, so I don't really know much about you. I'm in a relationship with an army officer and it scares me to think what could happen when he goes to war. In war times the mentality of service members is very different than when things are more peaceful. More is at stake. It sounds like this guy is using an excuse to break up with you. It's true that he could feel this way, but if you were right for him I don't think he'd react this way. I bet he does need to go to therapy, and I know that most soldiers don't ever go. Encourage him to go so that he can sort out his feelings. Don't spend too much time on him though. Most women have a hard time understanding that sometimes things are good, but the timing is bad. We have a hard time letting go. Don't drag things out if he isn't interested because it makes you look like a fool and it only proves to him that you aren't the one for him.
None of this is your fault. War changes people, time apart changes people, and sometimes we change without even knowing why or how. You'll get through this, and you will be better because of it.
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2004/12/08, 04:47 PM
Thanks Bobosensei. It if very difficult when a love one goes to war. It was hard for me because he was gone for 9 mths. I am sure he needs therapy, but like some men who do go to war, he will not go. Call it stubborness or being hard headed. We have talk since the breakup but, it the same answer. I am just going to let him go and see if things will work out later.
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