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2007/08/05, 02:47 AM
Well lets start out with a story before I get to the advice I seek. It might help you give better advice if you know who you are giving it to. Well my name is Dustin. I started working out when I was 14 years old. The first time I saw 135lbs on a bench I thought I could do it. Tried it and it kicked my ass. It made me angy that I couldn't do it so I set out to be better. I come from a strong family. My cousin is huge (muscle huge), my dad was a marine, almost all of the men played football. I ended up benching 225lbs max by the following year. By the time I got out of high school I was nearly maxing 300lbs. I was by far the strongest person on the football team by my junior year. What kept me going was my friends. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone being stronger than me. I grew at a very fast pace for those 4 years. Well here I am now 26 years old. I am more fat than muscle. My ex wife mocks me because she is still hot and I am not. She gets a new guy at will and I am basically diggin for scraps. It pisses me of in the worst way which is why I decided to get my old life back. I am still strong and still willing to take the pain ... I actually like the pain. Now on to the advice ... how do I get my drive back. Before anger was what caused me to keep going day after day. Now I am more pissed than ever yet I can't stay motivated. I have no friends to try and compete with. I smoke so I absolutly hate to run but its what I need to do the most. I aint lazy I just can't stay mad long enough. I get pissed one night and work my ass off then I calm down for a few days and do nothing. Anger apparently isn't going to do it unless my ex wife comes over everyday ... that might result in something really bad though. So ... how do I stay motivated? Sounds simple to explain ... I know everyone has ways to stay motivated. What I want to know is how you found that motivation. When I feel like working out I run into road blocks. Like I don't know what my max is for 20 reps. I don't know if I am eating right. I don't know if I am working hard enough. I don't know if I am working the right muscles or over working the same muscles. I remember everything I did back then but it doesn't seem to work anymore. I never had to work my ass off to gain before because I was young and still growing. Now I feel like an old man and it seems like I have to work for a month just to be able to add 5 more pounds to the bar. Its like I wake up ready to work and between my bed and the weight room I think of 50 reasons not to work out because its a waste of time and effort. I know it isn't but I can't shut myself up ... its like someone is forcing doubt into my mind. I also feel like I haven't done enough ... when I finish I am tired and weak but by the next day I am fine again. Isn't it suppose to be more painful? I could do it 7 days a week no matter how hard I work so it has lead me to believe I am doing something wrong. Which has created more doubt. I guess my asking for advice has made me realize it isn't just motivation I seek. I need to fix all these problems I am having. I actually want to delete this and not post it at all but I am going to make myself and just hope someone has been here before and has something to offer.
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2007/08/05, 09:26 AM
I agree. Carrying around anger, hate, frustration, and anxiety will literally kill you, and it will have absolutely no positive effect on your situation.
You might even consider the possibility that *you* can't fix all of your problems. Maybe you can talk to someone who deals with these kinds of issues all of the time like a pastor/priest or counsellor. Sometimes you need someone with a wider perspective who can see a lot of things that you can't to show you how to get out of a bad mindset.
All I know is, life's too short to live like that!
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2007/08/05, 09:04 AM
Hi Dustin.. Welcome to freetrainers!
Here is my take on your situation:
Anger will just eat you up, it gives you negative energy and is in itself fatigueing to your mind and body. Stop being so angry and start looking at your workouts and healthy eating as a way to take care of yourself.
"Living well is the best revenge" Staying angry will also heighten your risk for heart problems.
As far as what to eat and how to workout - there is a lot of info on that here at freetrainers - sign up for a free program up at the top of the screen where it says "Exercise Program" and then do some reading in the different forums on the message boards - a good starting point is the sticky posts at the top of each forum.
Then, once you have figured out your workout and have done some reading, ask some specific questions that will help us to mold your program for the best results.
I hope we cam all help you find some positivity and motivation!
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Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.
Thomas Carlyle
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2007/08/05, 10:08 AM
Start back up as a beginner, change up your diet, and perhaps some anger management counseling. I am not taking a shot at you, but you have alot going on in your head.
When a person is away from the gym and returns, they have to start with the small steps again before the big ones. It sounds like you know what you have to do. Good Luck.
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Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2007/08/05, 05:06 PM
That's a lot of good advice but the anger I speak of its like I want to kill someone type anger. Its more like the type you feel when you are trying to push the last rep in your final set. Like the anger my wife creates ... I don't hate her. We actually get along well. Anger is always seen as a negative emotion but there are no negative emotions if you know how to control them. I use my "anger" to push myself. Anger is just aggression. Like the kind of aggressiveness you use to get that final rep or to push yourself to the front in a race. Winners are aggressive ... losers are passive. I am sure a lot of you watch the UFC ... before a fight they are saying "I am going to win, I am the best" not "I sure will do my best and if I don't win its OK because I tried". You don't get anywhere being passive you get there by being aggressive and doing what you have to do as long as its within your limits.
Despite the miscommunication you all still gave good advice. I just need to figure out how to convey my problems in a more efficient manner. Like my problem with rep and weight. It could take me a month to figure out what my max reps is with each different exercise. I can guess fairly close but last time I tried to find my max on bench for 15 reps I couldn't even do 8 the next set because it was to heavy. Like I got power but no stamina. Back then we did lower reps and more sets with more weight. Now it seems its reveresed. But I was a linebacker not a reciver so I worked on lots of power in small bursts rather than stamina. I was also afraid if I trained like them I'd end up skinny and weak looking.
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2007/08/05, 05:07 PM
Really need to be able to edit posts ... That's a lot of good advice but the anger I speak of --->ISN'T<--- like I want to kill someone type anger.
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2007/08/06, 01:57 PM
Phew, GLAD you clarified that silver. I was a little freaked out when you said that it was the type of anger you have when you want to kill someone. ;)
I think that exercise is a great stress relief, a way to work out your aggression when you are feeling angry. I'll be the first to admit that I lift heavier and work harder when I've just had a fight with my husband, or had a rough day at the office and feel much better afterwards. But, if you NEED to feel angry in order to exercise hard, I think that's a problem and you need to find another source of motivation. Which, I hope I'm not misunderstanding, but I think that was your original question.
You talk a lot about competing with your friends, competing with your wife who is "still hot while you are not". You can't work out because you "can't stay mad long enough". The importance of everything we talk about on these boards is about overall health. Not only physical strength, but an over all health and sense of well-being. If you are forcing yourself into an angry state so that you lift heavier, that might work well for your workout, but what's it doing to your blood pressure and overall state of mind? How is it alienating your friends and family? What's it doing for your self image? Yeah, you may look good, but you're a jerk to everyone. Then what? You mention that the UFC guys say "I'm the best, I'm going to win". That's one thing. What you are saying is "I'm so pissed off at the world, I am the biggest bad-ass, therefore I am the strongest and the best!" there is a big difference and the latter of the two isn't positive!
I may be reaching out on a limb here, but I think that in order for you to truly become motivated, you need to find a way to relax first. It may seem counterproductive. But, if you can find a way to connect with yourself mentally and emotionally, the physical piece will come to you.
I was not personally motivated to exercise and work out well until I started doing yoga, then even started meditating. It grounded me and made me more aware of myself. When I "cheat" on my diet, or skip a workout, I feel very much as though I've disrespected my body.
My Dad used to say "What the mind can believe, the body can achieve". You need to get inside your mind before you can even consider lifting heavy. Good luck.
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2007/08/06, 06:18 PM
Your one rep max is for only that 1 rep. Forget about repeating the exercise after that. You might want to look at this link to help you out.
www.exrx.net/Calculators/OneRepMax.html
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Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2007/08/08, 12:00 AM
First offtake a deep breath my brother!!!!Dont worry bout the ex!!!Put yourself as # 1!!!feeling good about yourself is what this is about right?Listen to good music while shockin those muscles..if your not positive,then it leads to depression,which we all know..we wont work out while depressed...brother your young!!!!!Look ahead to a life when you can turn the heads around you!!Im 34 and tryin at this point in my life to make myself look great..its the attitude,if your doin it for other people then its not for you bro!!!YOUR # 1 if yopu make yourself #1!!!
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Quoting from carivan:
Your one rep max is for only that 1 rep. Forget about repeating the exercise after that. You might want to look at this link to help you out.
www.exrx.net/Calculators/OneRepMax.html
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2007/08/08, 12:37 AM
I think you have motivation right in front of your face. Your ex-wife. You want her to want you back so that you can slam that door in her face. Honestly i'm going through the same thing. I was always there for this girl even when she was trying to get together with my best friend. I was still there to give her advice and everything. Then he eventually let her no that he didnt want her. So I thought "Hey its time for me and her to get together". Like i loved this girl. Then what does she do? She goes out with this guy that i despise. I told her off and now im going to make her wish she would have been with me when she had the chance. Thats what you should think about. When i am running, i think about her face and how great its going to be when i can tell her to F off.(sorry for the language) When im hitting the punching bag. I picture the guy that she is with now. Trust me man, it works. GOOD LUCK!
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2007/08/08, 09:34 AM
The post above from amyksmith76 is right on, listen to her. I was right where you are man, all piss and vinegar, fury and flame, unfocused and angry... A feeling of triumph will trump the anger every time man. Forge that anger and fury into steel within yourself and it'll happen, control it or it'll mess you up the way it is now forever.
What gave me that first spark of triumph was a day when I did have it under control and was using it for my own benefit, adrenoline, etc. I actually perceived it, and realized that I had more rage/anger/fury than most could handle, yet had it under control and was using it constrictively. That was the best feeling of my life and it sticks with me to this day and have never felt those same feelings of doubts and uncertainties, fears and misgivings ever again and am a happier, stronger person (in all ways) for it.
You'll start listening and feeling your body and what it can do in physiological response to your mind and emotions, and THATS when it'll all fall into place my friend.
Inner growth must come first, not to sound all "dalai lama" or anything, lol, but it's true.
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